BD - Jan 2015 WAW has "completely let PP go" Current state is NC. MC session backed out of at last minute after 3 months of minimal contact.
I am moving on as if my W will not be returning and am at peace with the situation on most days. Looking at all of the positives, it's hard to argue that this has been a gift.
Current goals: Stay 100% sober Finish out current year at business while developing private business in health, fitness, and wellness. Write WAW a letter re: AA's 9th step Get dog back from WAW Live an amazing life and continue to become a spouse that only a complete fool would leave.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hey have you given any thought to my suggestion of writing a letter to W?
Hi Wonka,
I'd like to write my W a letter. I've needed this week to work on my business relationship and get that sorted out. And then get some rest. All of this has me sleeping about 4 hours a night unfortunately.
I can start on the letter on Sunday of this week. Any thoughts to share on it?
Sketch it out first? I'll type it out first until I can hand write it.
Thanks again.
PP
You would want to start with 2 to 3 general main points and then flesh it out with the support from the counselor who connected you with the couple. I'd want to work with them on feedback and input on the letter.
I would start off the letter to W with an opening along those lines (of course, you can change to suit your style):
W,
I had hoped that we both would attend the MC session because I wanted to share with you some reflections I've had since we separated. Since we did not meet in person, I thought I would write those thoughts out in a letter to you.
You need to know that it is my preference to do this in person with you for I feel you deserved the courtesy and respect to hear it directly from my mouth. I no longer want to run or hide from you. After a lot of introspection and reflection, I want to reach out to you and share what I've learned in my own personal journey.
Curious is this is an actual term - relational amnesia. Perhaps a survival method by our psyches.
Today I remembered an injury that my W had while talking to someone else who had the same ordeal. It brought back six months of our M to my mind, how we cared for it, trained her despite having it, and the discussions we had around it almost on a daily basis. It all came back to me as if this was an experienced I lived through with her 10 years ago and was remembering. This was last year though!
Sometimes I wonder if our minds just start deleting aspects of our past that are linked to current pain.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Sometimes I wonder if our minds just start deleting aspects of our past that are linked to current pain.
Hey Buddy!
First of all, thank you for all your extra support recently. You have helped me so much. I am truly at peace with my M sitch and I’m continuing to keep a PMA and work on myself.
Next, you bring up an interesting point I quoted above. I’m not a psychiatrist, but with the human mind I think anything is possible – good or bad.
Finally, I’m really excited that you decided to write a letter to your W. You know you’re in great hands with Wonka.
PigPen, you’re an inspiration to so many of us. We have your back!
Regards,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm looking forward to seeing how the letter goes, PP. You surely have taken charge of your life, no matter how things play out. And like Bob, I want to thank you for being so supportive of me. You are an inspiration. Praying for you... Dif
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Truthfully I've been struggling. Not sure if it's the situation with my W, or my work, but dealing with both at the same time has left me utterly exhausted. I had to work Saturday morning and then completely cancelled all of my GAL plans for the weekend, opting to spend the two days on the couch watching movies, writing, and leaving only to grab coffee with a client.
I think Starsky posted something on one of Zues's threads about the six month mark being when the adrenaline wears off and people get really tired. I feel that. I'm depressed, but not in the "I can't even imagine getting out of bed today" way. It's more of the "gosh, everything just seems like it takes 10x more energy than it should" way. Laundry is exhausting, I ordered toilet paper off of Amazon prime instead of going to the store.
I'm usually a pretty high energy guy, I workout every day, surf, lift weights, write, meet with clients, cook, etc. Now I'm down to one main activity a day and the rest of the time is spent recovering. It's no fun at all.
It'll pass I know. Things will normalize.
I had to email my W last week about a joint credit card we had and also let her know I'd like to have our dog back for two months. We'd been trading until I went to Central America and agreed that once (if) everything is said and done, he should end up with one of us. But until then we co-parent.
I got a reply to the credit card question and "I'm still thinking of a reply to you taking (dog) back for a bit". Now I just feel like I'm getting jerked around and I think it's added to my malaise. I had told her that she could drop him at her brother's house if need be, he was both of ours as we got him together. He was also my lifeline after BD and her immediate move out. Taking him to the beach saved my life on a number of occasions. I have no idea how people do this with kids. I'm freaking out over my dog!
It just bums me out. My dreams this week have been a mess as well. For those of you that follow them, mine have all been about getting 80% through a task and then having to start over, over and over and over, with no resolution. Every night. So I wake up exhausted. Seems kind of fitting though.
Tomorrow's a new day, will keep my head up and keep plowing forward with my DB and ventures.
Again, bless you both for stopping by and seeing me. The note to my W is on hold for a bit until I can muster up the energy to put it together.
Big hugs,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
