My H is definitely going through a crisis. He has a history of depression and is on meds. In the last 3 years he has lost both parents, survived prostate cancer and several surgeries do to a chronic neck injury. He was out of work off and on including the last three month. He just want back this week. He is very unhappy and of course it's my fault and our marriage's fault. He has decided to do whatever it takes to be happy including having an affair with a woman 1000 miles away, who is originally from a town near here. He he took a large sum of money from our savings because, he said, " he was afraid I was going to kick him out". He won't come right out and say it but he wants out. I am trying to detach. Any experience with this combination?
rbarnes, Depression is one of the main ingredients of MLC. So, yes, we have and are dealing with the combination.
If he wants out, then allow him to decide to pack his little bags and go. Don't help him come to that decision. In the meantime, protect your assets, watch your bank accounts and credit cards. In fact, you might want to consider setting up an account in your name only. If you have joint credit cards, if you don't want to take your name off of them or request the balances be transferred to a new account so that he can't charge, then call the credit card companies and request that they lower your limits.
I'm sorry you are here, but you'll have plenty of support along the way. Keep the focus on you and buckle up your seatbelt as you are in for the ride of your life (unfortunately). Also, his crisis didn't just happen w/a flip of a switch...it's taken a few years to reach this point and navigating his crisis is not going to be a sprint, but more like a marathon. Dig deep for patience and come here to rant, ask questions and join in on the other posters' threads.
Again, I'm sorry you are here.
PS: Here's a link to get you start on the reading homework:
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Last edited by Cadet; 07/16/1502:14 PM. Reason: welcome post
