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Wet, here's to a faster recovery process!

As for the W - there are of course things that need to be done over time. You have 'business' items to discuss.

As it turns out, you can be in the same room and distant at the same time. Just like you can be in a room full of people and be alone.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea to worry about you and the kids for now. I suspect she feels you'll always be there for her. Which you will if really important, I'm sure. But for silly business items or grown-up choices she can make? Perhaps it's time for some more distance?

Yes, NFL is coming! Looking forward to it...Are you pulling for a real team or something in the North? wink

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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This is scary. I received a notice over the weekend from the state taxing people asking for details and receipts to support education credits W and I claimed. I emailed details to W this morning on what was needed. Several thousand dollars is involved which W was counting on 3 months ago.

W called me up this morning crying, frustrated with the demands that the state is making. As an example, the state is asking us to provide copies of receipts and canceled checks (?) from 2014 for all of our youngest 2 children's paper, pencils, backpacks, etc.

I tried to support her, and telling her I have some receipts that will help. Then she started crying so hard I could not understand her. But part of what she said was me moving into her condo, so s13 could stay at his school and not have to move again. She may have said that she wanted me to move in with her.

Then it got scary. W told me that she was in so much pain. That she could not sleep. She was obviously depressed. Then she told me "Wet, promise me, that whatever happens that you will take care of s13."

I promised, but asked if she was planning on running away, and she said "no". I may have been wrong, but I read her statement as being that she might attempt suicide.

When I got off the phone I called 2 of her sisters that are close to her. I was able to reach 1 of them, and explained that I thought W might do something to hurt herself. SiL thanked me and immediately called W.

SiL confirmed the depression, the pain in her body and lack of sleep adding to the depression. SiL went to W's place, gave W a sleeping pill and took the kids for the afternoon, hoping she could get some sleep. SiL also insisted to W that she needed to get counseling, and that W needed to get her focus on herself and work on her own life.

I'm praying like crazy for her. I have not heard anything since.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Aye, that is scary, Wet. And not unexpected. I can't help but wonder if this is what bottom looks like for her or if there's more...

Keep us posted.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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SiL called me to let me know that W is in a dangerous place. Several of W's sisters have made unnamed "accusations" against W, and SiL begged W not to look at her emails (which is where the accusations against W were made.) No one knows if W has seen the emails yet.

So tonight was the "Bachelorette" finale. So I sent a couple of texts to W on the shocking conclusion. She finally responded. I kept it light. She even commented on a "inappropriate M & M's commercial". So she seemed ok to me.

AJ, SiL agrees with you. That W had hit bottom. But W is a fighter, so I am not sure she is there yet.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Wet

Thats some scary stuff ... I recall about a year and a half my W hit that point, said similar things ... however she had said those things previously with me just to get my attention. She told SIL something similar and SIL called the sheriffs and had them check up on W (SIL lives out of state) ... well the sheriffs cuffed W (for her own protection) and took there to the hospital where I had to come and sign her out. Was an eye opener for me and ... more so for my W. We did find some humor in the fact W made it into cuffs before I did ... lol.

Even that was not rock bottom for my W ... but it does appear that for your W it quite possibly could be, now one would hope she starts some sort of IC (thankfully the SIL suggested this and not you) and she begins the work she really needed to do all along right?

Hang in there Wet ... you are doing well


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Thanks CaliGuy, there is comfort in knowing that others have gone thru similar things that I am going thru now. I like how you found some humor (the handcuff thing) in a serious situation.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Yesterday was an emotional day. I picked up d18 and we went to the movie 'Inside Out'. This animated flick should come with a warning for guys that it causes extreme feelings of emotion. The movie starts with a family moving from Minnesota to San Francisco. The 14 year old daughter is unhappy and decides (b/c of her emotions) to run away from her family back to Minnesota. Here I am watching this with my daughter who is moving away from our family in Minnesota to Boston at the end of the month, and as the movie ended we were both weeping.

I returned d18 to W's place, to pick up s13 for the weekend. W intercepted me and wanted to talk. W talked with me for 20 minutes to explain problems she is having with 4 of her 7 sisters.

I have a history with her sisters, I have a good R with 2 of them. And I know the history of W and her dealings with her sisters. So I am the only one W has in her life that can really understand what W is going thru.

4 of W's sisters are making serious accusations that W is doing improper things. As an example each sister spends 1 day with their father taking care of him. Monday was W's day, and sister4 broke into father's place searched W's car and purse (found nothing) and just started yelling / accusing W (who is the youngest of the children). Accusing emails were sent by the "Gang of 4" sisters. And W is fed up.

I listened to W giving her my full attention, she was crying, we hugged 3 times during her 20 minute emotional talk. It was all about her, I supported her, spoke only to validate her, and she got a lot of info out. She spoke about how this will forever break her R with her sisters, and she liked it when I suggested that "I can't even see what forgiveness with her accusing sisters would look like."

The last hug W clung to me. W: "no one but you knows all of what I am going thru." W is going away this weekend with d18 and one of W's female friends and her daughter. At the end, I felt good about how this interaction went. I am starting to act more as a friend for W right now, and that seems ok.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Wet

Yeah I went to that movie with S and W ... was an amazing flick, probably the best one I have seen in a long time and its impossible not to through the MLC spin on it.

The interaction with you and W ... yeah I would see that as a positive, she comes to you and is sharing those very deep things she only feels safe with you in sharing ... the SFTU smoothie and just an ear does wonders. Well played Wet ... just take it for what it is .. a good exchange, do not get sucked in.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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I had a nice weekend with s13. No problems. He did find a new show to start watching – ‘Cat-fishing’, which is about people who think an internet romance may not be with a real person. And the show’s investigators find out the fake person In the couple of shows I’ve seen, they are despicable people. And the truth is discovered.

I had a couple of ‘triggers’ over the weekend. W sent me a receipt by email which was from om as we try and assemble receipts as we deal with essentially a tax audit. The receipt had his full name and address and with this I did some checking on him – he has 2 recent dui’s, incl. 1 this past June. He was divorced (w/ children) over 10 years ago – and had 2 violations of his Order for Protection. Also a conviction for Disorderly Conduct. He also has a sizeable judgment against him. He’s just someone I don’t want around my kids. BTW, the searches are on a free website I've learned from my job over the years - no creepy stalking going on.

Also, d18 told me W and d18 were going away overnight with one of W’s female friends. W called me over the weekend and I mentioned her getaway, and she said this fell thru. And she also mentioned she was going out to see “a friend’s” new puppy. I don’t know why this still gives me a flash/trigger of jealousy. But this was over in a few minutes.

W tried reaching out to me, texting me during the season opener for “Bachelor in Paradise” (we liked watching last season’s "Bachelorette" show and would text each other during the show.) But I shut this down, I am enjoying ‘Big Brother’ instead.

Fantasy Football is starting up. I am having lunch later this week with one of the co-owners for our team. Otherwise, all is calm.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
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Arghhhh!!! I called W to deal with kids issues and tax issues. And W dropped another bomb on me - om is moving in with her on September 1st. He is moving into the 2nd bedroom being left by d18, who is going off to college.

I asked her if she had done a criminal background check on om? She said she knew some bad stuff in his past, and I rattled it all off for her om has 2 recent dui's; he has 3 convictions for anger related offenses. I asked W to please not let him drive our children. She agreed.

W told me she was not happy with this. But om has recently been thru rehab, and she told me if has 1 drop of alcohol he will be out of there. But b/c of her financial position, she needed someone to split the rent with her.

I know I can't control W. But to have this person around my s13, I am just scared for him. I just feel numb. Again.

Last edited by Wet; 08/05/15 04:32 PM.

Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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