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kml Offline
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Do you know the difference between introverts and extroverts? Introverts find it draining to be with other people and need to recharge their batteries with time alone. Extroverts find it draining to be alone and need to recharge their batteries by being with people.
Sounds like H is an extrovert and you and son are introverts.

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Originally Posted By: mleigh4
Cali, I bust out laughing! I am glad I come off as grounded, but I have my moments! Trust me! I know you of all people know how I feel with all these emotions coming out when they throw us that unexpected curve! I felt the emotions and have kind of pushed them back down. Instead of boxes on a shelf, I see them more as pushed into pillow cases and stuffed under the bed, real lumpy pillow cases! Lol

I am not sure what else to do with them? I don't see them serving any purpose while in limbo land. Also, I am still working on me and unsure of my choices with H, so I don't feel ready to face them until I know which road I will be taking. Stuffed away is much more easier and convenient right now. It feels like the right place for me right now.

Do you think this is holding me back?


Well the pillow case analogy works for you ... cuz you are a girl.... us men need rugged boxes ... its bad enough to admit we have feelings let alone shove them in pretty pillow cases wink

I do not think its holding you back, nor did it me. Truth be told those feelings are just that .. feelings ... not right nor wrong and I honestly can not see how they can be dealt with until ...like you said... limbo has left the building one way or another. Looking at my boxes, I felt that once the D was processed I would take a year or so and slowly unpack them, deal with the hurt/rage/sadness as I went and then heal fully .... to be honest, that would be faster.
As it is now, I find I can not totally unpack, W is not ready for me to move all that stuff in as she is slowly doing the mirror work herself, she is dealing with her stuff and no way is there room for any of mine. That rage box .. its not like I can just open it up and vent all the hurt and pain towards her without her jumping back on the Tunnel Train. So I am quietly taking my stuff out slowly, quietly and all as covert as I can without W or S catching on if that makes any sense.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Cali, It makes perfect sense and mirrors how I feel.

KML, yes, S and I need our down time to recharge for sure.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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All quiet here, not much to update. Cruise with H in 4 days. We have been NC other than S like usual.

I'm just thinking.....5 days of constant contact with H after 5 months of separation and 2 years of emotional separation....

I have been feeling very.....calm. I have been praying for guidance. Guidance to take each day and moment for what it is, to take each step based on what is best for me, Also, I pray for the strength to just be myself, happily and proudly. I hope to not see the old me when with H, but the new confidant, happy, silly, carefree, laid back, grateful for life me.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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M4
Just keep the focus on your upcoming cruise. Think of all the FUN you will have, and the endless food that you did not have to cook or clean up afterwards. Think about the sun and the beaches.
And you might see some eye candy to check out:)

You are strong, you will have a great time. Show your H exactly what he is missing out on. Plan out your days on the cruise like H was not there, you can invite him or not, you can let him know your plans and if he wants to join great, if not keep it moving.

Maybe let him know once on the ship that if there are certain things he would like to do with just him and son, to let you know and then you make plans for yourself, kinda like you do now at home, it will just be on a ship.

HAVE FUN


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Thank you for your support 2B, don't worry, I am all about fun these days smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
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So ever since Bday, I hear and see so much that relates to our world's. Especially song lyrics. I am an 80's girl, gotta love the movie Rock Star. I mean, Markie Mark and all! Lol. Anyway, was just watching and love the last song. Just wanted to share smile

Colorful by Steel Dragon:

The show is over - close the storybook
Will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well, they're reaching for the door
I watch the backs as they leave single-file
You stood stubborn, cheering all the while

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be grey
I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn't pantomime
You are more beautiful when your awake
Than most in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be grey
And I know this loser's living fortunate
And I know you will love me either way

Look ahead as far as you can see
We live in drama but we die in a comedy

I know I can be colorful (when you live in black and white)
I know I can be grey (my colors fade away)
I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Hi all. I have been completely out of the loop, I hope you have all been well. My vacation is winding down, Time to catch up on posts.

So, the cruise went well! I went in with the loopy MLC expectations, and he didn't let me down! I practiced my STFU and patience to a tee!

Started with H oversleeping, we ended up leaving an hour later than I was hoping to and got to the ship a couple of hours later than I had hoped....but you know....the old me would have been pretty annoyed. These days, seemed very minor to me. On the 5 1/2 hour drive, I drove and H kept himself busy playing with apps, finishing up work emails, looking up songs we like to listen to....playing, playing, playing on his phone. It used to annoy me, not so much now...I suppose because I expected it. At one point, I was driving through L.A. in lots of traffic and was trying to listen to my GPS while H and S were playing an app of drums to the music...now THAT was annoying but instead of getting upset, I was able to laugh and ask for some quiet and help please!!

Overall, we got along great, not one single disagreement, almost hard to believe. Having our own rooms was great. Every day we took breaks in our separate rooms, lots of sleeping and naps! H slept a lot, he said he felt very relaxed and decompressed. So we would start each day together with breakfast, visit the ports together, do our afternoon breaks in our rooms, then meet back up for dinner. S stayed with me, but H and S definitely did some great bonding. I also was able to treat myself to a massage. H hung out in our room a few times too.

It's funny, the first picture of us, getting on the ship, H and I stood a foot apart with S in between us. Our last pic, we are shoulder to shoulder, arms around each other and big smiles. We took several family pics which H made sure we bought. Along with a ton of pics we took ourselves. H was attentive, always asking me if I wanted drinks and food. It was almost like old times. He is still very scattered, messed up on drink orders or forgetting things, but again, I expected this so it was easy to brush it off. I focused more on the effort and could see he was trying, but he is just still very scattered.

The trip went much better than I thought it would. My hope was to do some rebuilding of our friendship and without a doubt, we did. No personal or R talks, we just had fun. I left all my baggage behind and enjoyed the moment. It seemed H did too. H told me he was really glad he decided to go, and I told him I was glad too.

We came back Friday, back to life like normal. The following day S went with H and I had 3 of my girlfriends over for a planned girl night. H came to pick up S, right when the girls showed up. They all hugged H, told him how much they miss him. He stayed around for about 15 minutes and caught up with the girls. Then he left and we all went wine tasting, to dinner and back to my place. We had a great night.

Back to the real world. I wonder, back alone in his place, is he relieved or missing our kooky little family together? I can't read his mind, but I am pretty sure he enjoyed the time together. A few times, I caught myself watching him or looking at him, and I will honestly tell you, I still love that man....He still has my heart. But I am fully aware that I am still knee deep in this and I know it can go either way, and I still feel at peace with that.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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I am so glad that everything went well, even if you were behind a bit getting to the ship. Everything fell into place and you kept your expectations pretty low and left the MLC baggage at home. I'm hoping that he will miss all of the interaction and begin to truly build a friendship w/you and hopefully begin to see the light just a wee bit.

I'm sure your fur babies were glad to see you and your son come home!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job. I think S and I missed our fur babies more than they missed us! Although my kitten talked our ears off and wouldn't let us out of her site for a day. I get so home sick being away from them, it's not easy. S ran in the house to see kitten.

Just some journaling as last week with H continues to sink in. It's funny, when people ask about spending that time with H, I am so much more focused on how I am feeling about it, not how he is feeling. I do wonder what that time meant to him, but I know mind reading is a waste of time, so here are my thoughts.

I continue to feel very detached. I am glad to be back home ALONE. What I mean is, back to my happy and safe place, my space. Definitely not ready for an R yet, with anyone, including H.

One thing that really stands out to me is how well I used all the tools I have learned here. It was a HUGE test for me to see that I really have changed, I look forward to more improvements in myself.

It also amazes me that I can feel such warmth and friendliness towards someone who hurt me more than anyone ever has, who put me through some serious h*'ll. I would never have believed that we could spend a trip like that as friends, that I could get past that. It's not all gone, I had many flashbacks, but I didn't let them shake me. Those times will forever be a part of our R, whether M or not....best to work through those for the sake of our son.

Most of all, Our trip reminded me that I am very happy, right where I am. I still don't know what I want, H or not. I truly honestly don't know anymore! It makes me shake my head, I was so sure for so long! So it assures me that I am doing exactly what I should be....not worrying about figuring out what I want, but just enjoying life, letting it happen and just going with whatever is planned out for me. Having the strength to let it play out is a true blessing.

For those of you struggling, be patient with yourselves. It takes a lot of time and work to find that place, we all have it within. I remember when I first started this process, I had read that the answers are inside, you just have to stop the noise and listen. This was the hardest part of this journey for me, to stop the noise from family, friends and well meaning therapists. I still don't have my answer to my R, but I am confident I am doing what I should be right now.

Dropped off S to H tonight. The air conditioner wasn't working at his place, so he was working on that. His place continues to be a nightmare, at least in my opinion! This month marks 6 months he has been there.

Oh, and my girlfriend I saw this weekend explained that my friend who I let stay over told a table full of friends, including her, that him and I "hook up" So that explains what H must have heard. I let friend know what I heard, he denies....staying clear of him.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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