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#2586670 07/10/15 03:45 AM
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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New thread time.

Thank you all for your support, especially with my new twist. 2 years since H has joined S and I on a vacation, pretty big for me.

It's sinking in, I barely slept last night. It's a mix of anxiety and excitement going through me. During the wee hours of the night, I was feeling mainly anxiety. I worry we will clash, especially on the parenting of S. We have such different styles.....but then I feel excitement, I can see us enjoying the reggae, sipping cocktails by the pool and having fun. I really don't know what to expect! I am going into this prepared, knowing H will have that extra piece of luggage filled with MLC goodies, so I am thinking, if I sense something off, S and I can take an exit break. I think it will be fine.

NC with H since he finished booking yesterday. Tonight I dropped off S at his place. He looks so tired! Anyway, I brought up nothing about the trip, just did the normal hi and bye. As I was walking to my truck, he shouted out that he can't wait to be on the ship with a margarita in his hand! I walked back and we talked a little about the trip, both of us excited and looking forward to it. I asked if I can ask his dad to watch dog, she loves him, he said sure, good idea. (Dont want his family thinking this is anything more than a vaca, H doesn't need that pressure) But his dad normally watches dog when we would go away, she is comfortable with him. Just hoping this isn't made into more than it is with dad!

So, I am feeling calmer now. Time to do some yoga before bed and hoping for a good night sleep!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
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Glad the separate rooms thing is the the arrangement. Hopefully he can leave that extra MLC bag in his room for the vacation. If not, there are plenty of places to get away on those floating spectacles.

You can also make a game of spotting all the other adults on the cruise who are in MLC, as you now know the signs and I'm sure there will be a lot. When they aren't someone you are close to it can be amusing, especially in men, as our socialization or something seems to mean we make bigger fools of ourselves when we are in an MLC.

On a serious note, try to make some plans to have your H & S have some one-on-one time so that you can have some do something just-for-me time. Look at the options, and think I want to do this or that, or a little of this and that, then come to an agreement with H that you get to do some of that while he spends time w/ your S. Make lemonade out of the potential lemon his joining you presents.


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Mleigh

Been watching and reading .... digesting...lol

When I first read H wanted to join, I can not say I was suprised, he seems to have had a trend on the 'events' and as a child does not want to be left out. You handle things so well, invite early and go about your buisness ... he peeks up out of the fog and has that 'wait a minute' moment ... decides to join, and as your style .. s shoulder shrug, join if you'd like, no difference to me as I am going to have a kick ass time regardless approach. I thought to myself .. yup .. she is handling this textbook, and if anything you will have an on board babysitter here and there, S and H can bond a bit and you can do some 'you' type stuff.

I am eager to see how the trip pans out, more from that 'science project' approach as far as H ... seeing how just that travel pressure might effect him. I know you will most likely fair far better than he, and I trust you are going to have a kick-ass time.


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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Not much to update this weekend. I am doing good at not making more of the cruise than it is. I have only told a few close people. They all have high hopes, but they don't really get how this MLC stuff works wink My mom is the worst, she is an emotional mess as it is, so this really has her spinning. My goal is to keep my distance from her this week, she doesn't help.

As for myself, his coming has caused a wave of emotions to go through me. Excitement, fear, anger, hope......I won't lie. It threw me a little off kilter. I have even caught myself daydreaming of H confessing his undying love.....lol. So my focus has been turned back into rebalancing myself this weekend.

Saw Minions with S on Friday night. Had a smooth drop off with S to H on Saturday. Went that night for dinner and drinks with friends. Woke up Sunday morning craving a walk. Made some coffee to go and off I went! A nice long walk. Took care of some stuff at home. H brought S home an hour and 15 minutes late, but THIS time I expected it and just let it go. While here, H took me in the other room to tell me about their night....

H had S and 2 of his buddies over for a campout sleepover. Tent and all. As expected (in my mind), S decided he would rather sleep in house than tent. I did a great job of STFU and just listened to H tell me about it and how he handled it (which was well) I just listened and nodded.

So the vacation countdown is on. Feeling ready, but also feeling the need to not get too sucked into this, to stay focused and balanced, that is my goal this week.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
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You will enjoy the cruise and you now have help with your son. You can enjoy time with your son alone and with your H and you can have some time alone also.

Keep your expectations very low in regards to H. If you spend time with H you can enjoy it as long as you know things might be different once back at home.


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Happy's posting is spot on. Your son and his father can go off and do things together while you are enjoying a relaxing swim or doing something that you want to do on your own. There will be plenty of activities that you can share w/your son and w/your h. Keep your expectations very low when it comes to your h.

Go and have a great time! Relax, enjoy and leave your day-to-day life behind for a while. It will be there when you return home.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: mleigh4


As for myself, his coming has caused a wave of emotions to go through me. Excitement, fear, anger, hope......I won't lie. It threw me a little off kilter. I have even caught myself daydreaming of H confessing his undying love.....lol. So my focus has been turned back into rebalancing myself this weekend.



M

We often during this rollercoaster have joked about how different sitch, similar timeline and sometimes similar feelings.

I think during this its easy to detach and get those feelings up there in boxes, place those boxes on shelves and let them be. At least that's what it felt like to me, then the MLCr comes stomping their muddy feet on the floor and we look for towels to lay down, not realizing we have to go back through those old boxes of suppressed feelings to clean things up.

I was surprised at how fresh and intense those feelings were, shocked I even had them to be honest as I was certain I dealt with them and had things under control. Obviously .. they were there, waiting to be dealt with properly.

I think you are wise to not allow 'Momma' to get you spinning along with her ... you are always so grounded it is starting to bug me .. lash out or something so I can feel normal.


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mleigh4 Offline OP
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2BE and Job, thank you. I am on the same page as you. I have ridden the ride of emotion and am back on solid ground. I don't expect this trip to change much in our R, other than hopes of building on our friendship.

My fear is a bit selfish and honestly, a big HUGE R problem. I have mentioned our parenting styles being different and it really comes out on trips. When H has one of his tantrums because.... S and I would rather wade in the ocean instead of parasail....or we want to take a break in the room from the sun and pool (we burn easy)....or I can see S needs a break from the running around and crowds....I tend to blow H's frustration off, but it leaves S and I feeling guilty and bad. H is fun too, I don't mean to make it sound like he is a horrible person.....He can just be really self centered, especially when it comes to S.

The first vacation S and I took alone, almost 2 years ago, we had such a calm and relaxing time. The difference in the atmosphere was amazing. Each vacation since then....ya....I miss some things about H being there....but overall? Much smoother with just the 2 of us, no doubt. Simply, I am just way more patient and easygoing with S.

I know that is not good for my R with H. I plan on working on a compromise if anything comes up. But I am worried that H will start in with me about S. "Coddling, spoiled, it's always my fault if S acts up". Meanwhile all I hear from teachers and parents are praise on how well behaved S is. We are doing something right! Thing is, H doesn't realize that we have the same view on things, we just handle it differently. I tend to be gentler and calmer, H sees that as giving in. It's time H stop blaming, and instead take a look at himself to possibly handle things differently, the difference in the outcome is huge.

So, that is my ventfest on that! It was such a huge issue in our R and H has told me it's a big reason he left. Sad but true. The way I choose to see it, H and I both have our strengths and weaknesses in parenting. The goal should be to balance each other out, support and show unity with S. We could be a really good team! M or no M, we are parents for life.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Cali, I bust out laughing! I am glad I come off as grounded, but I have my moments! Trust me! I know you of all people know how I feel with all these emotions coming out when they throw us that unexpected curve! I felt the emotions and have kind of pushed them back down. Instead of boxes on a shelf, I see them more as pushed into pillow cases and stuffed under the bed, real lumpy pillow cases! Lol

I am not sure what else to do with them? I don't see them serving any purpose while in limbo land. Also, I am still working on me and unsure of my choices with H, so I don't feel ready to face them until I know which road I will be taking. Stuffed away is much more easier and convenient right now. It feels like the right place for me right now.

Do you think this is holding me back?


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
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After I posted, I went outside to water my flowers and veggies and a lightbulb went off.

I posted that H needs to stop blaming, to instead look at himself and how he can handle things differently with S for a different outcome. This is EXACTLY what I need to do with H when S issues come up. It's what we are taught here, it's what I have already been doing with H and even others in my life.

So instead of going on this trip with these fears weighing on me, I will apply this new skill in hopes of better results smile

(Sorry Cali, I'm acting all "grounded" again. Lol!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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