Thanks Deja Vu. I guess I know the answer to my question. I believe he does still think I'm great - it's just that he now knows what he needs in his life and that is a new family. He wants to go back and do that again properly as he and his XW split up when his S was two.
I guess time will tell whether that works out for him. I still think he is looking outward rather than inward for happiness.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
It was very different to our sitch Jim. They married in their early 20s and were happy at first. But then pressures came. His XW liked renovating houses and they always lived in a building site. She is pretty fiery and H described her as combative and critical in the M. They struggled to conceive and that was another pressure. By the time SS was born, they were pretty unhappy and split up when he was just two.
He and I met a year after they S. He was still M, though had bought his own house by that point. He thought she was unfaithful right at the end of the M - an exit affair. She wanted little to do with SS at that time and H looked after him pretty much full time outside of work. He was always proud to have been faithful in his M.
Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't get involved with a man who was at that stage in his S - but I didn't know that then. HXW and I get along well as you know....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
hi toots. I'm late to the party but your H is a seriously mixed up man He wants what he THINKS he needs in his life and realistically he most know the chances are slim at best.
All that's happening now is keeping his fairy tale dream alive , in his head this is for the best and he is moving towards his so called dream life
He is going to spend a long time regretting his choices but as we all know it's his choice
Toots you have progressed so much from the first day I posted on your thread and you have always impressed with your kindness and intelligence on others threads
I have no doubt you will be a very happy lady again I actually envy the guy you select if your H does not come out of MLC in time. , how you handle yourself at this time is amazing Your strength at time of BD was a lesson to us all and your overall composure during this very tough time is truly inspiring
Toots is going to be ( even ) great ( er ) You will be very very happy and be able to look back and say you stood tall for your M
I still hope your H wakes up and smells the roses but that's his choice
Thanks for posting uplifting words to me last week. Your advice was so appreciated.
I wish you a good day! I am sending good karma your way...
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
RD, thanks so much for your kind words, which mean a lot. And HaWho, thanks for your good wishes too. I've been at the bookstore this morning and going to do a few jobs around the flat before I head off to my parents later on. Feeling pretty good in myself, even though H is on the brink of filing for D. I thought in his email there were small signs of progress - mentioning a famous email he sent to me early on in our R, saying I was wonderful to live with, and implying others 'out there' are 'difficult.' He may mean OW/XOW? But that would be mindreading. And he is searching for our M certificate to file for D, so I won't get ahead of myself here.
Well, here I am a year on. Today last year I left our MH and fled to my parents having learned of his PA. I have only seen him once since then, and we've spoken very little as I hardly initiate. Our MH is on the market and we've agreed a ballpark financial settlement. So all is heading towards D, and I'm okay with that. I know it may happen and as long as I did all I could to try and repair things, I am at peace with myself. It isn't the outcome I wanted, but I can live with it and move forwards from it. I have no idea if H is still involved with OW. Last I heard he was dating.
His big thing is that he wants a new family now. I think he now sees this as the reason he couldn't feel happy in our M towards the end. How this will work out IDK. Jim Conway wrote about a guy who had a new family later in life and was really happy. I don't really agree with Jim Conway's take on this - as that happiness came only after blowing his own M and family up. Should we be pleased for him? I may just be sensititve about this...
As for me, well you know I'm up to a fair amount of stuff. Some new hobbies and new friends, new job and flat - a pretty full and happy life. I have DB'd pretty solidly and no slips with H or those around him. I think they will all see me moving on with my own life now. Whether H will feel the loss of 'me' some more as time goes on, IDK. In recent months, he has said he loves me, I am beautiful and the best to be M to, wonderful to live with. But we are still headed towards D just now.
Anyway, thanks to you all so much for your ongoing support. Many people on this forum have helped me a great deal this past year and for that I am truly thankful.
Toots - a 'yearling' now...x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks V. Yes, I truly believe I would be done if he went on to have a new family. As for letting him go because I know he wants a new family, I'm less sure and happy to let that one play out for now. Because I feel he is still seeking that 'something' to fill the void and think he is still focusing on 'externals' just now. That may change or it may not and I guess time will tell.
Not trying to hold on to him or the M, but DBing and building my own life - not closing the door completely just now either. But I don't want to be someone who 'hangs on' ages after it would have been healthy to close the door either, you know?
I have a busy weekend ahead. I'm off to have a reading with a medium this afternoon. A friend and I went to see her at an evening event a few weeks ago and I liked her. Never done this before....wish me luck!!
Tonight I'm taking my Dad to the opera. We have a little picnic with wine in the park beforehand and then go to the theatre. It's something we've done for a few years now. Tomorrow I'm off to a talk by a funny female poet with a friend - all in all a cultural weekend for me.
Hope everyone has a good weekend. xx
Last edited by Toots; 07/11/1507:53 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
