A year on and tootling along

[Sotto]

H has emailed me to say divorce papers are on the way (he has filed on grounds of my unreasonable behaviour) & my L should get them soon. He says it took him a while to file. Mostly it was hard to write down something he didn't feel to be true and I don't deserve.

He's sure I know, but needs to say it again, because it's important. Even if he sounds stupid, he wants to make it completely clear. The papers say I was hard to live with and he wants me to know he doesn't think so.

He says I was a good person to live with. While things didn't work out, that wasn't because I was difficult - not at all. He was lucky to spend the time with me that he did. And he looks back fondly at the good life we had. We didn’t argue much, were very compatible and the intimacy we had was beautiful. He said there are difficult people around, and I'm not among them.

He hopes I'll see the text is close to what I provided. His L changed it a little and H removed some of it to try and keep it short. He wishes he didn’t need to say any of it.


So, it's expected and of course I feel sad. It feels strange that he still says such caring things, and there seems to be some regret...looking back fondly etc....but he has still filed. I know I have been DBing for a while, but it's still hard to understand. I'm a bit tearful, but I'll be okay. I'm not sure whether to reply. Is it an opportunity to say how happy I was too, or just thank him for the update - or nothing?

xx

[rd500]

Hi Ttoots I was reading Dawns thread and saw your news there.

Firstly I'm so sorry and not sure what to say. It seems mad that he would send such a caring text to ensure you are ok re the news but at the same time files

You have DBed like a champion and I would urge you to continue. Your H doesn't seem to make much sense and I don't think thats going to change anytime soon

As we often read on here , D is just a piece of paper Today has changed nothing
Toots H is still in his fog, MLC or whatever Until H emerges then all you can do is be the fantastic Toots that we all love I know that I always look forward to your posts to myself and to others. I would ask that at 10 o'clock tonight you sit down with a glass of wine and I will do the same I hope others will join but even if it's just us two then I want to share a glass with you. I would love to be there for you in the real world but ican be there for you in the virtual world

I will post at ten and have a sip. Your a good , decent person who I'm lucky to have met. Your H is an ar@e ! !!!!!!!

I can only hope to end up with some one half as good as you

Take care and we will have that drink later

Your friend Rd. xxxx

[rd500]

Hi Ttoots I was reading Dawns thread and saw your news there.

Firstly I'm so sorry and not sure what to say. It seems mad that he would send such a caring text to ensure you are ok re the news but at the same time files

You have DBed like a champion and I would urge you to continue. Your H doesn't seem to make much sense and I don't think thats going to change anytime soon

As we often read on here , D is just a piece of paper Today has changed nothing
Toots H is still in his fog, MLC or whatever Until H emerges then all you can do is be the fantastic Toots that we all love I know that I always look forward to your posts to myself and to others. I would ask that at 10 o'clock tonight you sit down with a glass of wine and I will do the same I hope others will join but even if it's just us two then I want to share a glass with you. I would love to be there for you in the real world but ican be there for you in the virtual world

I will post at ten and have a sip. Your a good , decent person who I'm lucky to have met. Your H is an ar@e ! !!!!!!!

I can only hope to end up with some one half as good as you

Take care and we will have that drink later

Your friend Rd. xxxx

[jim0987]

((((Toots))))

I would love to have something to say thats useful and makes it all OK. The best I can offer is a virtual hug and to say that you deserve much better.

As for whether to reply, well you've been DB'g for a while and are a good example to most of us here so do what we all do and 'agree with Toots' - follow what your gut says on this one, there isn't a right or wrong answer so do what feels right to you.

Take care Toots

[Wonka]

Toots,

I am sorry that your H went ahead with the D papers. It is all on him.

I would say simply:

This is a sad development and I am sorry that you feel the need to take this step. Your comments and actions are very confusing to me. I hope you find what you're looking for---peace. I am sorry that you are losing the BEST part of your life: me. It's your choice. Good luck with your journey.

[Sotto]

Thanks so much Guys. RD, your post made me cry, and Jim - I so appreciate your kind words too. You are kind to raise a glass for me at 10pm....I'll join you in that.

Wonka, thanks for your suggested response. I'll draft something in line with what you suggest. TBH, I feel too emotional to DB well tonight, so I'll trust in the wise words of one of the best. I'll sleep on it and do that tomorrow.

I realised it was a year yesterday since I last saw H. Today he told me he filed....and tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I guess a 'happy anniversary' message is a bad idea then??

My take on the confusion is that he feels the need to extricate himself from the M - for whatever reason; I have no idea - but he feels pretty awful about what he has done or is doing too. It's bizarre, because reading his words I think - Wow, that sounds like a great marriage - don't you want to hold on to that??

I guess on the plus side, this takes us a step closer towards financial resolution, which I need TBH. And I will be glad to get there without having had to file.

Thanks so much my DB buddies xx

[CaliGuy]

Toots .... sorry to hear about the latest.

That message is just chalked full of oxymorons .... like he needs the paper to read one way but feels the opposite .. Almost like in his head he had all the reasons but once it was read back to him he realizes .. "no that's not true, but I still need to have SOMETHING in print to be able to justify the D" ... smh.

Seriously my heart goes out to you.

[job]

Toots,
I'm very sorry it's come to this and Cali is right...it's full of oxymorons! In order to divorce you, he had to come up w/some lame excuse because he didn't have anything else to justify his reasoning. I don't buy it and he is full of BS.

You've been handling your situation w/class and dignity since you've been posting here and again, I'm very sorry he's blinded by the search for the fountain of youth and happiness. I do hope that some day he comes to realize what he's lost.

Please take care of yourself.

[rd500]

Hi Toots. Well I'm here with 6 squares of dark chocolate a glass of white and I've been reading some of your fantastic posts to me over theLast while

I'm staggered by your H's stupidity. He is losing a very special lady and I'm sure he will never find any one who could replace you

You have loads of support on here and I'm sure in your real life too , this is another chapter in the life of Toots. You have many many chapters left to be written and read. M

Life will be great for Toots again It's hard to see that right but it will. Good things happen to good people and even though it's hard to see , this has happened for a reason

Positive thoughts heading your way Toots

CHEERS Lots of love and hugs and kisses. Rd. xxxxxx x

[Sotto]

Cheers RD - thanks for remembering me!! Well, I have a little glass of wine, and no chocolate - but I do have a big box of tissues...

I'm raising my glass to you all. Tomorrow on our 6th anniversary, I will light two candles - one for me on my path and one for H - to wish us both well.

Thanks Cali and Job for your kind comments too xx