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Bright,
You can't put your life on hold. If your storage shed is rotting and falling apart, then tear it down and get rid of it. You don't want termites becoming a next door neighbor. If your h returns, he can build a new one, but the old one sounds beyond repair, so get rid of it. It if will help, take a photo of the shed for memory sake and then get rid of the shed. Your yard will look much nicer when it is all said and done, you'll be far happier not looking at it going down hill.

As for the garage, in time, you'll get the clean up bug and start looking at the stuff in there. I know you don't want to deal w/it because much of the stuff probably belongs to your h, but at some point, you will need to address the stuff. One of the things that I have found is that getting the stuff up off the floor and on to shelves helps me deal w/what to keep and what to toss out.

Bright, your family wants to see you move on w/your life and be happy. Right now, they don't see that. They don't understand that it takes time to heal and divorce is a big step and you are the only one that can make the decision to move forward and do something about your situation. Your family loves you and are concerned about you. I don't think you've lost another support person...but I do think that they are frustrated and do not understand that it takes time.

Congratulations on the run. Sorry to hear about BIL's situation, but maybe the relationship had run it's course and they found out that they weren't happy living as a couple. It's better to find that out now than get married and then discover things that do not enjoy about each other later on.

Bright, if the shed is in bad shape, tear it down. It's just a building and it's time to let it go. It will probably cost you more to repair it than to just let it go. I'm sure that whatever you have stored in there can be moved to your garage.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job, thanks. You are so kind and always have a good advice. The storage shed can probably be repaired. The top part of it looks pretty solid. It also sits on a huge concrete block, so getting rid of the whole thing will probably cost me more money. I looked at it yesterday and I think the only things that need to be replaced are the side boards and the door. I will see if I can get an estimate on this.

And the yard looks like a disaster anyway. Some bold spots where the grass used to be, due to the sprinklers not working as good anymore and the water restrictions that we have here. And there is some other stuff that needs to be taken care off, sigh…

I don’t even attempt to clean the garage yet. Most of the stuff is actually on the shelves. H did some clearing a couple of times before the BD, so it is not that bad. It is bad though comparing to my sister’s garage. Her H has little skills of fixing stuff and doing home projects, so they don’t have what I have in my garage, like boxes of nails, calking hits, painting stuff, tools, instruments, etc. To her, it is all junk and I need to get rid of it.

Yes, I know that my family wants me to move on. I just don’t think that the D is going to make it for them. Even if I D my H, I will still have the issues with the garage and sheds and stuff… So I can see that they will move on to the next subject of me dating somebody and having a man in my life to help with all that stuff, so they would not have to listen to me. I just don’t understand what prompted her to tell me what she did. When I go to their house I don’t even mention if I had a bad day or not in a good mood. I always go there with a positive attitude and actually listen to their complaints about their lives. This is why I was super p!ssed when I was listening to her spill about me feeling sorry for myself.

Job, thanks again for your advice. It does help to calm thoughts down and look at things with a different prospective, even though it seems like I’m not following all of it.


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Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
This is the perfect opportunity to get a better glimpse of where your H is right now.
Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
FY, what do you mean by this? Do you mean to see what he does about it himself?



You were doing a lot of guessing regarding the entire condo issue. Worried about H's situation, how he felt, and how he perceived you. It’s all guessing and making you spin!

That’s why I suggested it may be better to let him come to you if he has something to say or ask… then at least you have some facts and know what’s really going on in his world/mind.

The key to all this is finding your own way to peace. Not easy by any means, but it is the only way. I’m confident you can and will do it.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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FY, thanks for answering my question. It makes sense… Except in my case I really don’t see or talk to H, so all I have is guessing. So far he hasn’t told me anything different about the next weekend. I have some intel that he is still looking for accommodations for himself. Oh well, not my problem. At least he’s not being an @ss by changing his decision to give me the condo next weekend. I think he is trying to be nice…


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Update. Received an e-mail from H two days ago, forwarding me the info about the QB tax table update, saying that he will do that and “I guess you should too.” Then telling me that he will be sending me the company file later and that he paid himself, and “I'm guessing there needs to be taxes paid”.

Two hours later, another e-mail with the file attached. Then asking me “if you are able to get the taxes done this weekend, please send me a portable back. I need to pay the visa bill on Tuesday.” And then “Also if you are coming down to <vacation home> next weekend, please bring any mail that I might have accumulated. The address in <state where he currently works> will no longer be valid.”

So diplomatic and business like. At least he is taking care of business. And it looks like he is making some good money. I suppose I should be happy.

So, the plans for next weekend are still on. My GF from here (who has a house at the vacation home) is going too, with four of our mutual friends. The same noisy crowd that she brought in when we celebrated my B-day back in May... It could be an interesting weekend…


M:50
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S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Have a great weekend with your friends Bright, and don't be afraid to take charge when and if necessary. You deserve it!


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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FY, thank you, my friend. I will remember your advice. I am determined to have a great time! I already gave my GF the heads up that H will be there too and there is a good possibility to cross paths with him. She is cool with that. After all she was with me when I met H (20 years ago, wow) and they have a good relationship (my H and my GF.) They haven’t seen each other for a long time. So it will be interesting…

On another note… I completely forgot that my Mom arrived today. My sister went to get her from the airport and brought her to their house. I was doing my nails today after work, plus some shopping for the trip. I had my hair done yesterday. I want to make sure I look my best this weekend. So, I didn’t even think about my Mom...

I feel bad that I forgot to call my sister to find out about my Mom arrival. But… at the same time I already feel the tension thinking that I will have to interact with Mom after I come back from the vacation home. I’m a bad daughter…

Last edited by BrightFuture; 09/03/15 05:21 AM.

M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
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BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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job Offline
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Enjoy your weekend.

As for your mom, don't beat yourself up that you forget that she was arriving yesterday. You've had a lot on your plate. You'll have the opportunity to see her when you return. No, you aren't a bad daughter...it's just that she doesn't understand what you are dealing with.

Enjoy!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks, Job.

Update. Picked my GF from the airport on Thursday and we took off for the vacation home later in the afternoon. While I was putting things together, received a text from H asking me if I would be at the condo on Thursday of Friday. I didn’t notice the text until we were on the road, so I asked my GF to reply that we were driving. He texted back saying that he needs to pick up some clothes and stuff from the condo in the morning. I replied that he could come over any time after 8 am.

So, he came next morning with my male mutual friend. My GF took my dog for a walk, so H didn’t get to see her and my dog. I was trying to take a good look at him, but he was kind of not looking at me for extended periods of time, trying to find something else to do or to look at. It felt like he didn’t really care to even look at me, not even out of curiosity, like most people do when they don’t see somebody they knew for a long time. It was like I was a random stranger. He talked normal thought.

Last night we went out with my GF and my mutual GF who lives here. She said that she needed to tell me a couple of important things. The first one was that they have decided to move to Europe, her H’s home country. This made me sad, because this means I will not see them anymore, unless I make a trip over there.

The second thing she wanted to tell me was that there was some kind of “development” going on with that crazy woman from here and H. It is like H has been getting advice and encouragement on divorcing me. She said that she overheard H telling her H that he is going to ask (or announce) for D on our anniversary. She asked when our anniversary is. I could not believe it! I was hurt. I started crying and asking what did I do to deserve this, and whether he is trying to hurt me. She said that it seems like he is indeed trying to hurt me. Folks, I’m lost. I don’t understand why he wants to do this on our anniversary. Did I upset him that much? The anniversary is in December and right before the New Year’s, which is a big holiday for me. It would be our 20 year anniversary… Why does he want to do this?

This conversation happened after we all had a few drinks, so I might have missed some details. She was upset too, looking at me crying. She said that she should not have told me that, but she felt like she needed to warn me about this. So much for me staying away from the conversations about H. I could totally make it this time. Is there something I don’t see? Is it some kind of setup? I don’t even know what to think anymore.


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Hi Bright,

Unfortunately hurting the other person is just another aspect of the MLC. Its hard, but you cannot take this personally nor take the responsibility upon yourself. I knew a guy who was and may still be in the middle of and MLC. He made sure that the sheriff delivered the divorce papers to his spouse on her birthday. he seemed to take great pleasure in this, but it came across and an empty victory to me and to others. It a bad mental illness that has to hopefully heal. Until it does you have to take care of yourself and not take on his issues. december is a long way off as well and it may not come about, so dont dwell on it just keep it at the back and dont be too surprised one way or the other.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
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"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
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