Bright - regarding taking a step toward cutting those last connections to H...there is one big difference between yours and my sitches...I was in your position for a year and a half, until H finally filed for D. HE took that final step and filed, and that meant I had no choice but to cooperate and go along with it. I was forced to sell, move, cut the last connections. I really don't know how long I would have waited before I took that step, maybe a few more months maybe? Not sure. Your H is still on the fence it seems. Mine was for 18 months. I started to push him a few times, wanting SOMETHING to happen, regardless of which side of that fence he fell on. I couldn't take the lack of movement anymore. I don't regret anything i did or said during that time.
If you are not ready to make something happen, then wait until you are. And it's likely you will be at some point. You are getting restless, and fed up. I know that feeling. So frustrating. It's hard to be the one to cut those connections. But one day, that might be the right thing for you.
Thinking of you... LiveNow
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Job, you are so right… I didn’t even think about that at all. I guess this tells you how long I’ve been doing the “script” myself, ha. I’m so used to not rock the boat that this simple thought to ask H about how he is doing didn’t even cross my mind.
LiveNow, yes I see the difference now. Sometimes I think I need to start pushing H to do something, which would probably mean filing. I think actually I did it to some degree, even though indirectly, but through my mutual friends at the vacation home. In one of our conversations about that crazy woman (H’s so-called friend over there) I said that if I’m not able to come to the vacation home without any distractions from H’s friends and enjoy myself there, I will most likely take a step towards the D. Plus another thing I said was that I don’t want any other woman at the condo and if I find out about ow being at the condo, I will also file for D (pretty cruel on my part, I guess.) I said that in this case we will most likely lose the condo all together. Not sure if this will force H to make a decision, even if it will cost him the condo.
I thought that it was pretty stupid thing for me to say, but now I’m thinking that I was subconsciously trying to drive h to some kind of decision. I’m not sure if our conversation with mutual friends was communicated to H at all. I’m thinking that it was, because my male friends wanted to talk to h after that crazy woman approached me.
Anyway, I’m still processing all the recent posts to me. Like Job said, I need to take what applies to me and use what I can.
Sorry, I’m not able to post on other thread. The work is crazy right now, plus this other side project that I’ve doing takes the rest of my time these days. I also need to get ready for the vacation next week. I’m going to spend some time with my mutual friends while they and I visit some other friends (who we know from the vacation place) in another city. I’m going to spend a week with them.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright I feel you, want some type of decision to be made, either way.
I'm ready for my H to work on this M or get to moving, so I may be rocking our boat sometime very soon, at this point I don't think for me it matters the outcome, just need something to be done.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Thanks, FY and 2B. Seems like I am back to square one... Sent a friendly text to H (at least I think it was friendly, I might be wrong here again). "Hi H, how is it going? I have mail for you. Where should I send it to?"
Soon... What do I in reply? Just the address and "Thanks" at the end. And then another one "Make it out to attn: H, company name". Just dry business like text.
He might be busy with work right now. But, if he would want to use a chance to open s conversation, he would find a couple of minutes for that. Just my opinion. He is either angry at me again, or angry at life, the world, etc...
It is Marry go round all over again. When I'm nice, he gets distant, when answer with the same, he gets nicer. I would think that after three years of separation he would be consistent in terms of communication, especially when it comes to me doing favors for him. Please don't read it as my complain about this stupid mail again. I just used it a temp check this time. And yes, I do have some "important" mail for him, which I need to forward.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Don't get discouraged! I would try again another day and ask how things are going. Sometimes, they become very wary of us when we are nice because it's not the norm from us.
As you pointed out, he could have been having a rotten day or something was on his mind, but I most certainly wouldn't give up.
Try again another day and see what happens. If he still continues to act like a snitty little boy, then let it go.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Should have been “merry go round”, hahaha, silly iPad corrected this wrongly… Some other typos here as well… This is what happens when I post from the iPod at work, LOL.
Thank you, Job. As always, you have some comforting words for me.
As for this...
Originally Posted By: job
As you pointed out, he could have been having a rotten day or something was on his mind,
It could also be an ow that occupies all his mind. But, I did my best at this time. I will let it go for now.
I’m off to my short vacation tomorrow. Going to see my mutual friends from the vacation home in another city. They are staying with other friends who I know from the vacation home as well. It is going to be fun!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
The idea that we want to stay connect to them even if by threads despite their lack of interest in us is something I don't understand. We have remained in relationships that most of our friends would have left ages ago, but we stay. You are not alone with your staying. I am told when the timing is right, I will know what to do next.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
Bright, Enjoy your weekend away and leave thoughts of your h and his crazy behavior at home. This is your weekend to relax and have fun.
Travel safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
