Ok. A quick Google search seems to lead me to Acts of Service And Words of Affirmation. But I know I need to do more reading before making a final assessment...but these have been her two primary complaints.
It's a great book Ralphy! So many lightbulbs went off when I read it.
My W used to divert me away from group gatherings so we could have time just to ourselves. I would take this as her not wanting to integrate herself into our community. After figuring out that "quality time" was her main LL, so much of her behavior made sense.
Mine is Acts of Service, so I'd clean, cook, wash, fix stuff, and take care of business. And then watch football in the other room by myself thinking I was an amazing husband for taking care of everything. Then get pissed that she didn't notice. Then resent the fact that she never took care of anything for me.
It's a game changing book!
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Not much to add here, other than I'm also in the camp of the 5LL being maybe the most enlightening book I've ever read in regards to where my M started falling apart. I hope it helps you find 'what works' in your DB plan.
Me:36 W:30 M:2.75 T:7 BD: 4/2015 ILYBNILWY: 5/2015 W Moved Out: 5/2015 W filed for D: 7/2015
Wonka I have been wondering about that book as I enjoy reading and it keeps me busy while kids have activities. Sorry to hijack your post ralphy. Just been reading threads to get ideas! Everyone has so much helpful information! I am glad you had a good weekend Ralphy.
Anyone is always welcome to hijack my thread. I might learn something!
I feel a shift. I'm very cautiously optimistic that baby steps have started. I need to let the changes I've committed to for me start becoming second nature. I can't stress enough how important it is to make changes for ME. The rest will work itself out.
Finished the book last night. I am going to reread it again since it moved so quickly. Now its a matter of trying to put all the pieces together.
I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself, and the book actually changed my mind about my own LL. I always thought it was one thing, but as I read, I realized that other things make me so much happier. I thought back to what I've been missing being separated from my W, and realized that it was all the kind, gentle things she would say to me. Sadly, I ignored most of them and didn't pick up that she knows my LL and was actually trying to speak it. I deserve to be where I am right now.
It doesn't excuse the A (which I still don't know about), but I'm in no place to discuss it or ask about it at this point. Need to stay focused on what makes me tick and how I can become a better person.
I'm night and day different from where I was a few weeks ago even. I went back and read my posts from when I first joined here, and I can see the progress and can feel the difference self-improvement is making. Hopefully it translates into results, but I know it's too soon for that right now.
