RAI - In this circumstance - I wouldn't think of her as your W who fired you as her husband, but instead think of her as the mother of your children who may need substantive help while in pain.
My STBX has thoroughly discarded me - but he's the father of my children and, for their sake, if he is ever hurt or in trouble, he can count on my help (although I don't expect the same from him).
Raliced, Thanks for the always sage advice! Welcome back to the board. So sorry for your loss. I lost my father 4 years ago. I cried about the loss as recently as two weeks ago. I miss him always, but especially when I am distressed. May you know of no more sorrow.
I have been engaged in a new GAL activity. It is called WORK. I realize that not being present (in body and mind) at work was adding to my already high stress.
I have dropped in a few times to skim some of your threads. Not a much as I would like. You have all been there for me so many times, and I am sorry that I cannot be there for all of you as much.
Some long over due replies to my valued friends, then some updates.
Quote:
Smiling and waving was a way to antagonize my foes in a former life - I got some enjoyment out of it in some passive aggressive way.
u-turn, I have thought about blowing the SOB a kiss. He is still stalking me on my nightly run. I would love to catch him on my cell phone, but it so dark out that it is hard to capture. Last night my buddy was with me to witness it. It is creepy, but I don't yet feel unsafe. My buddy thought I should call the police. I don't want him to know he is getting to me. It did, however, disrupt what could have been a very enjoyable run. I took off to get a better vantage point to record him. My friend understands why I am so paranoid about it, but it does kinda kill the mood. I am so angry that I did not record him last time, when he was stationery and right next to me. If I call the police now, it is my word against OMs. I dunno...
Quote:
If you ignore him, if you're not affected by his behavior, then HE is annoyed, humiliated even. All he can do is sit in his truck. You go about your business, showing him what a toothless ghost he is, making him feel ridiculous for even trying.
Mozza, I agree. that is another reason I am hesitant to call the police. It will take me some time to come around and adjust my thinking.
Quote:
I'd probably take out my phone and take a couple of pictures. I am so angry that I did not in the first place. Let him see you taking them. Does your W know he's sitting there? Maybe if she knew OM is a psycho stalker type, it would help lift the fog a little. Maybe order a pizza and have it delivered to the truck?
ralphy, I would bet my W knows. She is telling him the nights I go out running. I guess she goes for the psyco stalker type. Just mind reading, but perhaps she gets off on knowing that her OM is harassing me. I don't think she likes me very much these days.
Quote:
If OM is stalking either you or WW it is very serious indeed.
Choose to get practical advice, and to keep a journal of it with evidence, photographs etc. there can be restraining with enough evidence. I like Ralphy suggestions but to start with if I were you I would be covert. Otherwise the stalker gets creepier and sneaker.
V,I don't know how creepy he will get. the whole town knows what he is doing. If something were to happen to me, the police would be beating a path to his door. But I am being more careful. I have, paradoxically, stopped wearing reflectors, so that I am not so obvious a target. I (unfortunately) spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder. I try not to listen to music so I have better situational awareness. All that said, I think he is ruining my running experience. I really want more evidence before going to the police.
BTW V, I totally dig your poisy persona on-line. There is something about V. If you are anything like this IRL, then your H is really pathetic for not noticing it.
V and Fogg, thanks for checking up on me.
I really am trying to GAL. immersing myself more in my work is helping. I am still very sad over everything, thus not very detached. I can't believe that WW is choosing "all this" over summer vacations as a family. She must really loathe me.
I have started to work more on the paperwork for my L. As I have said before - I hate Fins and paperwork already. Having to do this for the sake of a D makes it even more of s sisyphean task. I feel I am still in the "waiting place" from "Oh, the places you'll go". It is purgatory. I want to not see WW anymore.
Does anyone know anything about D coaches? Kind of the opposite of an DB coach, but I think it could help.
Thanks all for caring.
RAI
P.S. Fogg, I told you I was having trouble getting OM out of my head, too!
Hey RAI - good to see you back - was worried. I totally understand immersing yourself in work - it is a good distraction and not performing well at work piles a whole other level of negativity on you. Way to go.
Zues has mentioned to me that the DB coaches here are very valuable even when D'ing. I have not contacted them, but he spoke very highly of the service.
Keep up the good work (good to hear that you are still running often)
Cheers!
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
u-turn, Thanks for your concern. It's nice to know that you guys are thinking of me. I don't think OM would do anything, but I do have a baseball bat under my bed. I have not yet called the police because what he is doing cannot yet be considered threatening.
Fogg, I stopped by your thread and saw the challenge that Mozza issued to you. I think it is great. Good luck. I am sorry I have not had time to be there for you.
V, something was bothering me all weekend. I need to apologize. In a previous post, I think I may have inadvertently called your H pathetic. That is not my place. What I meant was it is sad that your H does not recognize your stellar qualities. I am not sure if you took umbrage or even noticed my slip, but I am sorry nonetheless.
Today, my sister told me that W has changed her FB profile photo. Her prior photo was us as a couple. Now it is her alone. For the sake of detaching, I blocked W on FB a long time ago. How I wish my sister did not give me this information. It really hurts. My sister is usually extraordinarily sensitive to my feelings - this was unusual and she apologized profusely.
It hurts to know that there is someone who really loathes you. I know that I should not care, that what others think of me should not matter, that WW has to loathe me to justify her actions. Still it hurts. WW is worse that a stranger. I can converse and be civil with a stranger. I can't bring myself to be civil with her and she is doing such awful things. I feel sometimes that I am no further along than when I first got to this board.
Why are WWs so good at detaching? She had a jewelry show in our house and she was ear to ear smiles the whole time. Is she not affected by all that is transpiring?
RAI, Thanks again for your kind words regarding my sitch.
It's tough to fathom how WW appears to be so happy while the LBS is in turmoil. However, just because they might be all smiles on the outside, it doesn't mean they aren't a complete mess on the inside. Either way, there is no way for the LBS to know the truth at this stage or really do anything about it.
I read somewhere that WW are usually 6-12 months ahead of LBS in regards to detachment because often this is a decision they have been pondering for some time before BD.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
