seperated 4 months

[help67]

So my w emails me info about d camp. She also mentioned when I drop d off at tae kwon do class, which om is in, I could drop her off up front if I am more comfortable. She ended email saying hope your doing ok. I know, who knows what it all means, and I cant get caught up in it, but why is she caring how I am doing or if I will be comfortable. I still have not told her I wont be with her while she is in affair.

ok, ive been very sad today, I am not backsliding. I get it, she is keeping me dangling.

[Vanilla]

This A will burn out, only 25% of As last 6 months or more, and only 5% make it to 5 years. And that's when one of the partners is single.

You have time and space to grow and develop whilst that happens, to become a H only a fool would leave.

As Cadet says you have the gift of time to use.

A lot of posters get obsessed with OM, OW and POW/POM, that gets in the way of their own growth.

These Scuzzies aren't worth zilch. Drop D off in front and in your mind turn OM into something repulsive, like pond scum, slug or wart hog, then you can diminish his importance. I did this with one POW, I called her the 'fishwife', I have other posters use terms which minimise the AP, chose your own. The grotty thing you can think off, then add slime, snot and grot bags, to his grubby track suit. If you ever catch sight of this particular scuz you will have an image you can overlay.

That's how I did it, then OW did not concern me.

V

[help67]

Thanks v,

I hope you are right, but it is not a typical affair. Om is married, but in an open marriage (POLYAMOROUS) its called. So his w doesnt care, he doesnt care if my w sees other people, and apparantly my w is happy. They started out as friends 2 yrs ago, they are in the same tae kwondo class with my d, and have a lot in common. When my w left she said she needed a deeper emotional life, so being with this guy, how does this give her that if she is not the only one. I am here ready to be her only one, to live that deep life with her. Help me to feel better, is this r with om bound to fail and why, because I need some hope now because I feel like I have none and I dont want to give up on us.

[Vanilla]

Even more chance the A will fail.

Casual far too fragile.

Complete scuzzy and down market.

About as deep as the water in the loo pan, and as healthy. I am not saying this just to make you feel better, it's the stats. Besides I believe it's so, WW will eventually want more and scuzzy will say 'you knew the score, not giving up my lifestyle'.

Of course WW may move on. So Help its up to you to work on you.

V

[help67]

V,

Thank you so much for encouraging me. Tonight I played softball, my favorite thing to do, but it was difficult because I was thinking about ww, om, and d all tae kwon do together.
It is my night to have d so ww dropped her at the park and she got to watch me play. In the past she would not have come, I would have gotten drunk and come home late. W did not deserve that from me. The best part was after the game I pitched to my d and she did great, she wants to play in school next year.
On the way home I told her I love her and miss her when she is not with me, nothing new. But I then told her I was sorry that the seperation happened and that I know in the past I was sometimes angry, and I know she was a little hesitant with me, but that I was working hard not to be that way, and that I was here for her always, and if she wanted to talk about anything, she could. She said I was awesome. I hope that was good, I didnt think about it, it just came out.
Now we are watching a baseball game, so I gotta go.

[teach3]

What you said to your D was great. Have fun at the game!

[Vanilla]

Lovely words to D.

Now actions with love and your sobriety.

V

[help67]

Having a hard time today, had a dream that i made up with ww last night, then i woke up, also had a dream I was in public naked for all to see, guess that one is obvious. Even sleep [censored].
I have a coaching appt. with Leni tonight. Money is tight, but I have to know i am doing all i can. Will work on a plan that i can stick to. Gonna have to have talk with wife soon about letting her go, only being coparents. Its a good thing breathing is involuntary, i keep forgetting to.

[help67]

I am in so much pain. Very soon I will have to let my w go. I need a little hope. Our sitch is so complicated, together so long, the addiction, the controlling, critical, verbally abusive h I was. The background of my w I before she met me. The om which has been going on probably the entire seperation of 9 months, and me not knowing making every mistake in the book for 9 months.
With all this, after stripping away many layers of myself there is a place deep inside of truth, and that small place tells me not to give up on us, that we will grow old together. Please someone tell me it is not hopeless because I am in so much pain, and it is becoming unbearable.

[Vanilla]

Help

You can work on you, that is absolutely vital for everything. You know I keep repeating it and won't stop.

That my dear one is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

There is a difference between goodbye and letting go! You can let go but still stand for your M.

Imagine there are two people tugging a rope between each other over a ravine. Either can fall in, the moment they let go both are safe. Letting go means neither you or WW fall into that ravine. You stand perfectly still in the cool mountain air. You become effective again, no longer tussling the rope. You become individuals capable of navigating the mountain no longer preoccupied by the rope and the struggle.

You have let go. Does that mean you have given up on your M? Absolutely not.

You just stopped being pulled by emotions which are not yours, you become a man only a fool will leave.

There are no guarantees ever so no one is going to tell you there is absolute certainty and neither is anything hopeless.

It is going to be slow heavy going unless you let go and build for you.

V