I'm sorry to read that you have been hurt again by H. Of course for him - it is all about him and his feelings- and as sucky as this sounds- try not to take his behaviour personally ( although you have heard this 1 million times- it's still true).
I'm glad you went forth with your plans of mani/pedi. Life is for living and nothing should stop us from that. Keep going bright. You are figuring things out. So just keep going.
Xxx ((((()))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Vge, Job, Heather, Mighty, skhdive , 2BHappy, FY, busting, thank you all for the words of support.
You are all right, I should not assume anything. After all, I don’t know for sure. It is my imagination that got me spinning. Amazingly, I feel good right now.
Job, exactly, H knows that I will handle the audit. And I’m not that worried about it. There is nothing to find. It is just the waste of my time and government money.
Originally Posted By: job
Go to your vacation home and have a good time. He's going to do whatever he needs to do to get through this rough patch in his life. It's all about him.
Job, your posts always make me feel so much better. I have no words to express my gratitude to you.
Mighty, I don’t really know what will change for me if I find out about ow. I cannot tell right now what I will feel and how I will react. It will be something new for me to experience. Time will tell.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
Hi bright, I just wanted you to know how special you are. Thanks for being you!
FY, this means a lot to me, especially coming from you. I almost cried reading this. Thank you.
I’m at the vacation home. Came here on Wednesday, worked remotely yesterday. It was great. Internet is fast and I was able to do my job just fine. Then I went to the beach with my dog after work. This is dream come through… Funny, that this was H’s dream a few years ago. He was imagining me working from home and still making the same money I was making, but we could live here full time. Well, I’m not saying that I’m ready to live here full time anyway, but staying for longer periods of time and still working is a good possibility.
Met with my mutual friends yesterday. We will be spending more time together. Tomorrow is a big party, everyone will be there. Including that crazy woman, sigh…
Things I learnt. H was here about three weeks ago for a big off roads race. I learnt that he was stinky drunk most of the time. My mutual friends only saw him briefly one night. He spent a couple of nights at somebody else’s place (guessing at that crazy woman house) and slept on the roof (roofs are flat here.) And then he passed out on the couch at the condo on the last night he was here. I also found out that he dinged his car somewhere (last year?). I guess driving drunk. When I was listening to all this, I kind of felt some compassion for H. Isn’t it weird? Sometimes I feel like I’m bipolar. My feelings change from angry to compassion and understanding for H.
Overall, I’m feeling pretty good right now. Enjoying my time here. Doing what I like to do. Going to meet my neighbors (who came here for the weekend too) and my mutual friend for dinner tonight.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
My FB friend just posted a picture from the race this morning in my town. With a bunch of other people, there are my BIL (H’s brother), H and a woman next to him. He has his arm on her shoulder. I cannot tell if it is the same woman I’m thinking about, she looks different. But, I haven’t seen her for a long time, and don’t really remember how she looked. In any case, he has a woman with him.
My mutual friend just mentioned this woman (who I think it is) yesterday. She is going through a divorce and when she was here at the vacation home about a month and a half ago, she was very sad about that. She was heartbroken. I was her H’s decision to D. So, I guess she got her heart broken by one man and she jumped into a R with another man who broke the heart of his wife.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I'm sorry to read that your h had his arm around another woman at the race. It could have been a friendly gesture or it could be something totally different. Sounds like she was looking for someone to rescue her from her heartbreak and maybe your h has taken her under his wng. Your h "appears" to be following the script to a "t". He's been a slow one for quite some time and is now being more open about what he's doing, especially around his friends and FB.
Again, I am sorry, but please, don't allow this photo to ruin your holiday. You've come too far to allow his antics to get you down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bright - It seems like your H may be seeking "easy" relationships right now and it sounds like divorcee is emotionally vulnerable. It is not a deep relationship and probably won't last once she becomes stronger and has expectations on the relationship. It really hurts to watch when you know you could give him a deep meaningful relationship. However, he is not in a place to participate or give to a meaningful relationship. Better that he cycles thru this with other women than frustrate and disappoint you. You are stronger than this and don't need his chaos.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
Job, you are probably right again. My mutual friends were staying with me in the condo for two days. I showed them the picture on FB and they didn’t recognize the woman next to H. My male friend asked if it is man or a woman. My female friend noticed that she is a lot older (she said like 70 or something). I guess I was just in panic mode and didn’t really take a good look. After I did, I realized that in fact this woman on the picture looks older (cannot tell the age for sure), and she is also not attractive (hence the comment from my male friend). And it does actually look like a friendly gesture with H’s hand on her shoulder.
I still think that this other woman was there too (she might be the one to take the picture.) I spent the last few days with my friends and neighbors, so didn’t really have time to think much about this woman. The conversation about H came up in a weird way (details to follow in a separate post.) I feel ok today. Thanks to all your comments, I have some confidence that I will be fine.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
So look how strong this makes you appear. You did not jump into a R with someone else.
Yes, FY, I do feel stronger these days. I don’t feel the need to jump into another R, even after learning about H’s possible ow.
dejavu2, after all the dust settled with the “news”, I do realize that H is actually looking for ANY R, and the easier, the better. This might be exactly the case with this woman. I also think that it is not going to last. And I actually was thinking that it might be better if H goes through a few of these R, which might help him to get back to the reality and out of his fantasy worlds of perfect, “harmonious” (his dream) R.
Job, I keep reading and re-reading your comments about H following the script to a “t”. I always thought that he was not a typical MLCer. He is normally pretty private about his thoughts and things. I don’t think he realized that the picture would be posted on FB and that I’m friends with a few people on it. But, you are right, he is not as careful as he used to be. And this FB thing too. My male friend mentioned yesterday how H was against all social media and how he swore he would never get a smart phone and never would join the FB. And now he is on FB 24/7 (my friend’s words.) I think now he is looking for connections and wants to be this cool guy who has a great life and does cool things. If I think about it, he is kind of re-entered the teenage years again, with all the fascination of FB, drinking, more partying, etc. In this sense, yes, he is following the script. He is still responsible with the money and not doing angry spewing, which is good.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Let me remind you...your h is now the mirror image of the man you once knew. He's going to be doing a lot of "opposites" while in crisis. If he was private pre-crisis, well...he'll be Chatty Cathy now. They do the opposite of just about everything they did when they were rational.
So, nothing surprises me when it comes a person in crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So, here is another update. We had a big party here at the vacation home place for the 4th of July. There were a lot of people, including H’s drunken buddies and this crazy woman. As soon as she spotted me she came right up to me, gave me a hug and a kiss, and then said that she needs to come to the condo to hook up the TV in the bedroom. My eyebrows went up and I said in disbelieve “you need to do what?” She then repeated that I need to let her know when I’m at the condo, she has the guy who is going to hook up the TV in the bedroom to another dish receiver. I looked at her, smiled and said “Ooookey!”, meaning that I received the information. I was kind of taken by surprise and didn’t know what to say at first. But, I’m not going to let this woman in the condo. And I’m going to tell her that when I see her next time.
I told this to my friends and they were very upset. My male friend said that he already told H to tell this woman to stay away from my face. He said that this is not going to end good for anybody. He told H that he doesn’t need this woman to upset me, because there could be unintended consequences. I think that he is afraid that I get p!ssed and file for D with the intend to device the condo, hehe. I reiterated that I don’t want this woman anywhere close to the condo, when H is not here. My male friend said that she mentioned to him that she heeds to get the keys from him to take care of the TV. I told my friend that I don’t want her in the condo, period. He promised me that he will not give her the key, and that he will tell H again to talk to this woman.
Next day, my GF here brought this subject up gain and we talked about what the possible motivation for this woman would be. Does she want to upset me and drive me away from here? Does she have interest in H (but she is married and seems to be happily married.) Does she want to play games, because she exhausted all the fun things to do here and is bored as he!!? We concluded that it might be the later.
But, this is still very strange. My mutual friends are very upset about this and very worried. I just don’t know if H can do anything at this point to stop this woman from what she is doing. I think he is way too involved in this weird R, whatever it is, some kind if twisted form of friendship (sharing the hotel room, etc.).
So, I’m just going to do what I need to do, relax and enjoy my time.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
