Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi lovely RD. Good to hear that you are doing pretty well. You certainly sound brighter than a month or so ago. It sounds as though your W is still bouncing along the bottom - as you put it in an earlier post....I thought that was an apt description. It always surprises me on these boards how people will get into these situations and stay there for a good while - clearly miserable. Your W, Pink's H.
Last time H was in touch with me, he talked about needing to 'sort out his life' too. I'm not quite sure what that means when they say that. But it seems to take a while for people to truly realise that all these things around them aren't really the problem and can't be 'sorted' - the work needs to be inward.
Oh well - I'm glad to read about you on your bike with some good music blasting. Hope you have a good weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yep, have to agree, bouncing along the bottom is a really good description.
I find it sad to even read about so you're doing amazingly well to cope. I always get a different impression of the WAS when I read peoples threads and but yours is one where I really feel like if only someone could just get through to her and give her smallest amount of hope.....
I'm glad you're still talking to L/C and you seem like you're doing OK which is good to read. Hopefully you can find ways to really enjoy the summer.
Take care RD
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Bob. I'm a wee bit down at the moment. Life seems to have settled and we are all adjusting to our new roles. I have been thinking of moving out of the area as it might be easier to start afresh without any of the memory's that the family home brings. Kids won't be overt joyed and EXW has already said she won't sign deeds but I have to think of the long term effects of living near EXW and her work
Toots. Yes I'm always amazed when some WAS appear so sad and even remorseful that they don't do something to improve their lot. You are up to date on my sitch and unless EXW is lying to me , kids and her family then she is very sad and struggling with her life. Talk of suicide wld make you think they would at least seek help and it was only Wednesday when I had to almost beg EXW to see doctor about depression The bike is always good fun even if I'm a little too excitable when I'm on it
Jim. It is very hard to see EXW so sad. She appears to be accepting of her new life and even that's sad. I even find myself hoping she's making it sound worse than it is because its hard to imagine she's so down
Vanillia. My kids and fantastic We are a close knit group and the house is full of love. We do enjoy are time together and even with the underlying sadness we do have fun.
Thanks all for posting. Your support is gratefully received
It seems like we have some kind of twin life RD. Your W and my H can't stop crying and can't seek help either. They say their life is a mess but seems like they enjoy the self pity for now.
I see this behavior as they are still thinking of themselves and how their lives became a hell because of us. Maybe just time will show them that happiness is not gained by what others will do or not do for us, but it is something we need to find inside ourselves.
I am as always, trying to understand why your words get to me, to a soul point. You said that you are much of a black and white guy... so, maybe that's what calls my attention. I am a sort of black and white girl myself.
Sometimes I wish I could face life in a rainbow way or at least just grey, but I end up always taking a direction that it is or it is now. Never really want to think or go in circles. I guess we have a bunch to learn yet.
I feel that your W will need to face her own demons, but these will be in her own timeline and we do not know when that will be. Depression is a serious illness and all your body chemistry goes nuts and one thing leads to another.
For the kids sake I wish she finds herself and her purpose in life. I still believe that she has been influenced to think on the negative side. Bipolar disorder is a very negative, depressed and painful world. She is involved in these kind of things and it may be helping to stay at the bottom.
But unfortunately for everyone involved, she is the only one that can get herself out of the hole, and that is in her own time too.
I am a bit concerned of what the impact of all her behavior will have in your kids in a long run. I have heard my kids and I don't really like their opinion about their father. I know life will never be the same for them anymore.
They have seem their father crying so many times. S15 was talking about genetics other day and said that he fears to get in a relationship and end up a mess like his dad. I know that IC or LC can make miracles in people's mind, but there are things that will haunt them forever.
Regarding RD having a blast with young lady invite, well, what can I say... if one day it sounds right, go for it. Just be careful there will be no more little RD's in the way, it could really complicate the situation.
I don't remember who you said you look like, I remember you said your voice is a mix of Jason Statham and John Dikes. Maybe you can fresh up my mind of when we had that chat with Toots and Vanilla. I said I look like a kind of Salma Hayek, with accent too, since I will never loose the Portuguese.
And that bike, there goes RD, back to the roots of your soul freedom, feeling life going by as you ride the bike through the wind. Feeling the sadness washed away as the miles go by.
Feeling that life and death are with hands tight and it is a thin line decided by that moment alone. Defeating the fear and feelings of uncertainty that are making a hole in your heart. Laughing at the pure pleasure of feeling yourself.
Oh God! I remember crying while riding a bike one day at night. It was cold, my tear were worm and were rolling out my eyes with no intention to cease. As it was rolling, it was also going away, forced by the speed of my bike, it was like living all my pain on the road. As I road, my tears were left behind, gone with the wind, done for good.
The whole food subject is where we are so different. I am not very attached to food. Sometimes a salad, fruit, a can of sardines, olives, whatever is easy and I do not need to work much to prepare is the best meal. I am forced to cook because I have three dinosaurs at home that are always hungry.
And please, do not stop writing to me, I regret I said that sometimes I need to be careful because I get mixed up about you. I guess it is a time of pain and we get very attached to people that treat us well, with respect and makes us feel good about ourselves.
I won't stop being passionate about you in these boards, I understand we are in a virtual world and this may be just a way of keeping ourselves sane and hopeful for tomorrow. But I do not think we can hurt more then what we are enduring with our own spouses.
RD, hope you are doing well and your kiddos are enjoying life the way it is supposed to be at this time in their lives. By the way, what about that vacation in Spain? Did that happen already and I missed the posts or when it will happen?
And, don't forget to tell us how S20 is doing with his motorcycle, is he like his crazy dad?
And the girls? Any boyfriend in the horizon? I know they are young, but these days things are moving in optic speed around here.
My boys are still very closed. I think we all went through a lot with death, sickness, father leaving, D stuff. I feel it will be OK someday, but I need to be patient with them and reassure them I won't abandoned them too. What is tough work, but I will always try my best.
This is 4th of July weekend here and I am not going anywhere. I decided to stay home and get some rest. Have been very tired and schedule an appointment with my doctor to check on my vitamin D level, for some reason S15 and I have this disposition of spending it all and reach some zero levels sometimes. Go figure!
Well, will start on some bacon and sausage, eggs and pancakes for brunch and then have meatballs, Italian sausage, pasta, great cheese, garlic bread and my homemade tomato sauce for dinner. Oh well, don't blame me for the taste, I have more Italian blood on me then any other.
Last night I closed my eyes before falling sleep and went to that mountain you told me. I checked that online and it is a gorgeous place. Hope some day, we can meet over there in our cyber world.
Take care RD, life is hard and it is the one thing that makes it worth to fight for.
Hi Pink. I understand completely what you mean by being vulnerable I must admit that I have fallen for you and do think had me met 25 years ago we would have been very very good friends I see a lot of the same type of thinking and sense of adventure. Hearing that you look like Selma means you where and are out of my league. I look like Brian ferry but shorter with a limp and grey hair. Ian very charming though !!!!!!!
The young lady thing is not for me. It was faltering to get the offer but not for me
My son has more sense than mean and rides with caution I have many scars from a lot of crashes Road and motorcross and I have drilled it in to him to be very careful I
I rode over a glendalough yesterday and it was fantastic The sun was beating down and the road was empty and life was good
My kids are mostly ok EXW sees them most days and we have a great bond so I think they will be ok. They all see EXW is not happy and the girls believe she will be home one day. I try to keep that hope alive for them as I think it's important for them The boys are abit more realistic and hold more of a grudge I do tell them all how much their mum loves them because I thinks it's important that they know that
I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing sometimes The kids need their mum and maybe if I left and let her come home it might help her through her issues I don't intend doing this but I do wonder
No girlfriends or boyfriends at the moment and I hope it stay that way especially my princess"s. !!!!!
I'm very down at the moment as I see a long a difficult future for my family. EXW is depressed and talks of hormone imbalance and menopause She talks of how sad she is and how she doesn't know what she is doing. It's tough to hear and I realise that this is her problem and only she can resolve it or want to resolve it
EXW was here yesterday and we went to police station to sort youngest two kids passports. I went in my car with S16 and EXW went in hers with D11. I asked EXW to drop S16 home as I had a few things to do in the next town. EXW said no problem and then asked what I was going to do. I appreciate this was t a big thing normally but it just annoys me as we live apart and I wouldn't dream of asking her anything about her life
I got home just before she left the house and she looked really down. I gave her a hug and she clung on to me for about 30 seconds and asked me mid hug if I was ok. I said Iwas fine and she said are you sure I answered that I was ok but did miss her. EXW burst into tears and said I shouldn't say that as it made her very upset. She let go and got a tissue and I started to leave the room. As I was leaving she said sorry for crying all the time I answered. I was sorry for saying that and she started crying again. I'm not sure if she thought I was joking about missing her or if she just got upset. I do know it doesn't really matter
Today EXW texted about 6pm and asked where kids ok as she had text them several times but they had not answered. I responded all ok
EXW off to see doctor tomorrow and I think she hopes to get anti depressants We shall see
Pink holiday to lanzarote is booked for middle of September Kids very excited and it's something to look forward to. D14 very good at Spanish so we will be relying on her for translation.
Thanks for posting lovely Pink. I do look forward to hearing from you and I have a strange feeling that blast a cross Glendalough might still happen !!
As you posted its for a good reason we cannot make contact in the real world BUT maybe Cadet will make an exception this once ??????
Take care and please try and relax back from what your H is doing now because I would hate to see you give up on him to soon. Your choice of course but I know if I was him I would want every chance before it was too late
Hugs and kisses to my favourite Slema look alike. Rd
Hi all. Just a quick post to say W went to doctors today and was diagnosed as depressed She's on Prozac for the next 6 months so I hope that will help her sort her life out. Not sure what it means for an R with me but still.
This is very good news, it seems that she is trying to help herself now. Just keep in mind that the meds take some time to kick in and work properly to help her.
You may see even more depression before it start getting better. But, the important thing is that she will certainly take the edge away.
Many depression medication have a suicidal side effect, so I would advise you to keep an eye on her to make sure things won't go to a different direction. By the way, do you know if she is still doing drugs? That can also compromise the effect of the anti depressant.
Be patient with her and try to support her during this time. I think you are doing good letting her know she is not alone and that she knows you will be there for her.
Of course you are DBing, so you are not just out there with your arms open waiting for the next pain, but a good friend in the distance will make her feel more secure.
RD, life is hard and this time for us is even harder. But, in some ways it is hard for the WAS too. I think you and your W have a chance, it may take time, but there is a chance your family will be complete again.
Hope everything works out well. By the way, I am not Salma going to the Red Carpet, I am an average lady, getting old too. I am more like Salma waking up in the morning without any makeup on. My kids said that with age I will look just like Red from Orange is the new Black. Please, don't think that I am this angelical princess because I am not.
Have a good night. May tomorrow be filled with hope for you and your family.
