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Thanks for the quick reply as always Sandi. I value your options and knowledge alot! Im glad you seem to agree some of her actions have indeed been positive. I think MIL confronting has had much more of an effect then me. She is a huge influence in her life which is why i had gone to her.

You are right about calling her out when she is being disrepectful and i think starsky said that also. I have since done that a couple times and got a very quick response where she realized she over reacted or was mad for nothing now. No, the world didn't end either like part of me probably thought.

MC has not discussed a plan for transparency. I think MC is more of the 'forgive and forget' type. Draw a line in the sand and rebuild from here. Last meeting though he was very one sided and questioning her infront of me, where she again said she had ended it. He then asked what pushed her that way followed by why as hard as it is you cant not contact OM, and what do you do if he was to try and contact you? She said "they were friends and he wouldn't because i asked and told him how important my marriage it to me". MC came back and said if he was a friend he would have not have done pushed you knowing you were married. So what would you do, and she said tell him to back off...etc. I dont remember exactly how it went. So other then questions like that, he seems more like the now that its over, lets work on the problems between you...

I hope she is too. I am preparing myself for a backslide though as i know it happens alot. Im much more alert to things and like i said, i know things are not normal, nor are the perfect, but you seem to agree she is showing small signs of wainting to try as long as she is actually being honest. No i didn't see the message/convo she sent. She deleted him from her phone for now and all the pics/convo and emails. I have access again... if anything, i think he will try, not her and then it will be up to her if she ends stops it right then. Time will tell...

I think your right in terms of sex. I am pushing/wanting it too much right now. i am the opposite of relaxed when it comes to that because i was building it up as this huge thing now. Too answer your question, she has never had a high drive, low if anything. i want it because that is personally a way i felt connec compared to meted, if that makes since. while i want to believe its just sex and a phyical act, it think your right and im putting WAY too much pressure on it as another way of making progress on pushing our MR forward. Ofcourse now, its most likely having the complete opposite effect due to my lack of showing up to the party.... which i know is all emotional. The harder i tried the more impossible i saw it was going to be... it was very humiliating and i felt like i was failing at my basic function i always was able to fall back on no matter our issues...

Last edited by Angels; 07/06/15 07:16 PM.
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Quote:
but you seem to agree she is showing small signs of wainting to try as long as she is actually being honest.

but you seem to agree she is showing small signs of wainting to try as long as she is actually being honest.


You've made a couple of references to where I believed she was making making progress. I tried to be careful how I stated what I told you. Go back and read my post again. I don't want to discourage, but neither do I want you to misunderstand what I said. If you have a question, please ask me.

Has the MC said anything to her about your feelings in all that she's done, and how important her apology is to you?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
Quote:
but you seem to agree she is showing small signs of wainting to try as long as she is actually being honest.

but you seem to agree she is showing small signs of wainting to try as long as she is actually being honest.


You've made a couple of references to where I believed she was making making progress. I tried to be careful how I stated what I told you. Go back and read my post again. I don't want to discourage, but neither do I want you to misunderstand what I said. If you have a question, please ask me.

Has the MC said anything to her about your feelings in all that she's done, and how important her apology is to you?


I did reread what your wrote. I understand now. I think i was trying to be too positive and you were more warning me of what could be going on...

We have been doing well this week i feel though. I have backed off phyically and instead im just trying to act normal, not force anything and see if that comes without my initiation. She did give it anohter try with me after my last post to be intimate, and finally i relaxed and everything worked as it should which was a pressure relief to me mentally. In the mean time, we have watched a couple movies togather in the house, she made dinner and banana bread for us, and even bought some small gifts and helped me with a house project (putting in pool stairs). She has been joking and laughing with me and sharing some thoughts/convo's so that another reason i am not going to push phyically for anything. Im content trying to reconnect emotionally and build being comfy around each other again rather then force phycial which I dont think she needs or wants right now, that is just me...

She is going away this thursday though with her mom for 4 days. I never like it when she goes now since the trust is gone, but i understand i need to let her go. Which binrgs me to your MC comment.

She has not showed outright remorse, and has not apologized. I dont know if she will to be honest. Her apologizing over the ice cream incident i posted about was HUGE and one of the only times i can remember her doing it seriously. I feel she should for this though, am i right? or should i be getting over that myself and moving on? I have thought about bringing it up in MC. i dont feel she gets what this is doing/has done to me. I think she believes im ok because im trying to be positive, but doesn't understand she has brokeen me, and i have very little trust now. I try not to show i care when she leaves but obviously i still do, and i think she can see it on my face. Especially when she goes to the PF which is what she used as a cover before. I said this during this past weekend though when she mentioned going, and she canceled the day trip and asked me to rent some movies which i took as a positive thing? We have a MC tonight, so i guess ill see what this brings... i dont normally brings stuff to talk about so sometimes its quite until he gets us going with a subject. Maybe i should bring up the trust thing?

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From what you've said about the MC, I don't know if you would have a lot of support in telling her how important remorse and a sincere apology is to you. (And, a sincere apology is one that doesn't show an attitude.)

I went for a looooooong time before I gave a sincere apology, b/c I did not feel remorse. All I felt was anger toward my H. The two does not reside together well.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Angels, let us hear from you. Please don't stop posting.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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