I am driving myself crazy. I am my own worst enemy right now.
Plans....I haven't made any, but it would be a great idea if I worked on that instead of focusing on him.
I just can't seem to wrap my brain around how he can put his friends first, always, instead of his family.
Our D wanted him to come over do fireworks with us last night and told her no because he was going to a friend's party. WOW, how can a parent do that. I guess I always put my family first. I was the one who had to hold her while she cried and that broke my heart. And his heart, (well he has a thumping gizzard for a heart) is so cold towards us.I have lost all respect for him.
I know this is a stupid question, what kind of boundaries do you set in a marriage?
Plans....I haven't made any, but it would be a great idea if I worked on that instead of focusing on him.
(Insert: So here are some plans I'm going to make right now, which focus purely on me....)
I just can't seem to wrap my brain around how he can put his friends first, always, instead of his family.
Our D wanted him to come over do fireworks with us last night and told her no because he was going to a friend's party. WOW, how can a parent do that. I guess I always put my family first. I was the one who had to hold her while she cried and that broke my heart. And his heart, (well he has a thumping gizzard for a heart) is so cold towards us.I have lost all respect for him.
I know this is a stupid question, what kind of boundaries do you set in a marriage?
Hopeful, the huge one for me was not living in an open M. We S as soon as H admitted his PA. Since then, there have been times that he wanted us to be more than friends with OW still in the picture, and that's been a firm no from me.
I also set a boundary on him talking to me about OW and how poorly she treated him. I told him I wasn't his friend, I was his W and he had betrayed our vows with OW. I wasn't willing to be a listening ear to his complaints about her. Others (living together) have set boundaries on texting or contacting OP from the house, on ML or sharing a bed, on having OP around the kids.
Have you seen Wonka's boundaries cheat sheet?
Last edited by Toots; 07/05/1503:22 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Have you seen Wonka's boundaries cheat sheet? No, I have not. Where can I find?
I called my H this morning and told him that I wanted to just talk. Not put any pressure on him, but just let him know that I wasn't out to change him, but to let him know that I don't want to be invisible anymore and I just need a little help around the house and with our D. He agreed but will call me later to set up a time to meet.
I know is probably wrong, but I disagree with the therapist about having no contact at all.
If you think I should not meet with him and feel that would be the best thing and maybe wait for him to contact me. What do you think?
Hi Hopeful, I think as long as you are following the DB rules, it is okay to meet. And if there are things you need to discuss about the house and your D, that sounds fine.
But if you are hoping to meet in order that you can push some more, pursue some and have some R discussion, that's not a good idea.
So, why not make this the lunch where you turn up looking great (but not OTT great) and you discuss a few logistics, have a little catch up and avoid R talk completely....that would be a great plan I think....
Best of luck!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Too late. The lunch went fine including our conversation about our relationship. I made some points and he agreed. However, he did say something that really hurt me, but I did not cry or anything. I just sit there. He told he didnt have the spark for me anymore and he feels empty inside, like a black hole. Is he say that he doesn't love me anymore? I dont have the spark for him right now, but I do love him very. I did tell him that this didn't happen overnight and I dont expect to fix it overnight. But we have to start somewhere.
He told he was still confused and still did not know what he wants. So, I am going dark unless it's about our D.
So now I need to start planning some activities for myself and take advantage of it.
I have read many posts since I have been here and pretty much what we all have in common is infidelity. So why do want someone back that hurt us in the most hurtful way that a person can be hurt. I know we love our spouses but where do we draw the line. I know we love our spouses, but if they really loved us, then why did they cheat in the first place.
Do we take them back because of the kids? I think the kids would want to come from a happy home even if the parents are divorced. It's better than living in a broken home.
I am trying to figure out if I am a fool for wanting this marriage. I want it more than him. But why can't I just walk away? Is it love? Is it our D? Or both?
