Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
G
gan Offline
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Great update from you, Mozza. Sounds like you are taking each day as it comes...


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
M
Mozza Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
PMA Report | I'm 92% well. I go about my days almost like pre-BD. I focus on whatever I have to do, I make plans, I GAL, I laugh. The S is no longer a thick fog, it's just clouds in the sky that hide the sun every now and then. Oh, I still cry a few times a week, but in short bursts and then I go back to my business.

I'm kids-less for two weeks — one week done already. The kids are gone with WW in OM's family at one of the most beautiful places on Earth. They'll go to the beach for the first time, a project that we had for years and that I'm missing. This is a bit difficult to think about. WW wrote me today that the jet lag had been difficult but that the kids were gaining confidence in the water. She thanked me for my flexibility (we had to adjust the schedule). All I can do is take the punch and suffer in silence. I thanked her for the update and did not tell her how difficult this is for me.

Work Report | Great progress on that front recently. I officially left the coworking space and set up my home office. I've reached a level of motivation that I hadn't had since BD. I deliver work more consistently and I've the energy to do a little something extra. This is a an important change for me as it was the last aspect of my life that was still seriously lagging behind.

IC Report | I've progressed a lot in the awareness of my issues, but I have not yet succeeded in assuming my desires. This means that I will not ask for what I really want; I will take what is offered. On a dating website for instance, this means that I will respond to the women who contact me, but not initiate contact with those who interest me. Of course, this attitude is reflected in the rest of my life and the result is that I miss out on what I want and accumulate frustrations. I'm surprised to realize that I've made so little progress on this, but I agree with the diagnostic.

Dating report | Casual dating is not easy for a serial monogamist eager to please like me. Emotionally, it's exhausting because I tend to invest much into each date or encounter. I always check that the other person is on board, feels comfortable, I tend to suggest commitment even when I don't mean it because I feel it's what the other person wants to hear. Then I have to backtrack which is even harder. It's good practice and I'm learning a lot about myself. And to be honest, it's more fun than it is difficult.

GAL Update | Allow me a little brag, because I gained 20 pounds in the last four months by going to the gym and adjusting what I eat. Oh, I should clarify that this is good news: I was quite skinny with a BMI below 19 and now I'm above 21. And the difference is not around my waste! My discipline about it has been a psychological boost.

On other GAL news, I've started to learn the ukulele (easy when you already play guitar) and I've most likely forgotten all about my recent swing lessons!


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
Glad to hear you are doing well Mozza!!!


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Hi mozza,

I'm glad work is going well. And if its the right kind if weight gain I imagine that feels good.

2 weeks without the kids has to be rough, so I hope you're doing OK and I bet you're looking forward to seeing them next week.

You said you take what is offered but don't initiate contact. Any idea what's stopping you? For me that sort of thing is usually a fear of failure/rejection.

Have a good weekend


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
Good for you, it sounds like you are doing the right thing. And thank you for the links to the success stories, I needed that. Hang in there, you will see your kids soon!



Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
We all have low times Mza.

I really get the can't work, it feels like treacle some times.

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
Hi Mozza,

It sounds like you are on the right track. It feels good when there are more good days than bad days. It takes time and work to heal and move on. Best to do the work now. Many ( like my ex) jump right in to a new relationship. This prevents reflection, growth and grieving. One day when you are well and healed your ex will be dealing with the emotional fall out of all this as I'm sure mine will too.

Cheers,

Karma


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
M
Mozza Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
It's been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing dire like the early months, but a slight increase in pain from the recent weeks. It's mostly due to moving from mediation to actual filing. We didn't want to use the mediator because she didn't inspire confidence, but I was the only one who wanted to do some research and it took time to reach even two lawyers (summer vacation but also avoidance on my part). Being in charge of any aspect of the D makes me feel like cutting my hand (cf 127 hours) and I had a few cries.

WW and I had a tense email exchange this week. She decided unilaterally to reroute the government money she gets for the kids from the joint account to her private account. It probably makes more sense like this, but I'm upset that she did it without talking to me first and I told her so. She wanted to talk on the phone and I declined, saying I had made my case. It kind of stalled our talks on the D though, as we both went silent in the last couple of days. I don't know if I was justified to express my surprise and anger.

WW just wrote me, ecstatic, that she got an excellent performance review at work. It's very good news because work has been a source of stress for her, especially as her job feels somewhat insecure. Her email is light and full of joy. I just don't know how to respond. I've been uber-distant with her since almost the beginning, refusing to meet her unless absolutely necessary, not showing much warmth in my communications, etc. I was told and think that I can't "nice" her back anyway. Also, it makes it less likely that she'll share random stuff she's doing, because it causes me pain.

So, how much warmth do I show? Do I share her joy? Do I keep it to a mere "Sounds fantastic! Keep it up!" sort of? I feel I'm good at taking my distances, but not so much at knowing how distant to be.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hi Mozza, I would share the moment with her. She has reached out to you with that email. Let her know that you are pleased for her & offer congratulations...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Hi mozza. Good to hear from you, I was wondering how you're doing.

That distance warmth thing is a difficult line but I think Toots is right but used closed statements. You can respond supportively without inviting any more detail.

How goes the dating/GAL?


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Page 2 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard