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mvgfwd2 #2584117 07/02/15 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted By: mvgfwd2
This is how detaching works. You are no longer a puppy dog begging for attention. She wants the begging and compliant Sad back where she wants you.


This. ^^^



Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Sad in WI
Would it be wise to confront the W at the IC session I was thinking saying something like when you drink you do dumb things like text the OM and this upsets me? This last week she is acting like everything's ok wants to hang out, have sex and do more things together.

Wants to sweep it under the rug. Is it wise to draw the proverbial line in the sand?


There's nothing wrong with enlisting your MC's help in communicating your boundaries to your wife. I would just be sure to include not just "texting OM when you're drinking," but that "I will not live in an open marriage. I cannot feel safe in a marriage where you're in inappropriate contact with another man, and are being secretive with me about it. This doesn't work for me."


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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I have off Friday and the W has to go to work. For a GAL activity I thought after working out why not go for a stroll and then pick up something to drink.

I started to get ready and in my head imagined that I was getting ready for a date. W who was getting ready to sleep, asked what I was doing and I simply said since I have off tonight is a good time to go out for a bit.

Left my phone at home and went for a nice walk and finished it off with two beers. It was nice not having to worry about kids or the W and just relax and reflect.

When I got home W asked me where I was and all I said was out for a walk. She then stated that she tried to call me - I simply said there was no need to take my phone and walked away. She would not let it go.

Told her that I thought it was ironic that she wants all her privacy and wants me to report to her like I am her child. She said it was rude to go out - I just walked away and went into my office.

When the shoe is on the other foot W does not like it. On a positive note I really do appreciate the time to myself.


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Good job. GAL and detach all in one.


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mvgfwd2 #2584859 07/05/15 03:53 AM
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Happy 4th of July to all of you out there. Hope yours is a safe and happy one.

Spent the day with the family doing the standard 4th of July activities - parade, cook out, pool and fireworks. No issues with the W and I can say I had a good time.

The kids are going to be with their grandmother next weekend so I thought this would be a good weekend to get away on my own. I think that I have a tendency to sometimes forget about me and I am more than a dad and husband. Figured with the kids gone I could do some serious GAL. W also thought it would be a good time to have a girl's weekend.

The time away issue used to be an issue with me and W - from my perspective I could not understand why W would want time away from us. When she did hang out with her girl friends she would come back home relaxed.

W is planning future activities and said she is looking forward to going on vacation the first week of August. I am trying my best not to show emotion either way. I guess it is good she is excited but the EA with the OM is the 500 pound elephant in the room. She was upset that I won't ML to her and have not for a few weeks. Told her that we have some issues that we will need to address before I am comfortable with doing that again. The beat goes on.


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Are any of her friends divorced or having affairs of their own? If so, it might be not as good of a thing as you may think.


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mvgfwd2 #2584894 07/05/15 10:21 AM
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The group of girls are all married.


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I continue to move forward with some of my 180's - I read a book about finances, spent a lot of time with D9 and had an nice three day weekend - drama free. Will be doing a GAL weekend without W and kids for the first time in a long time.

From the DB/DR and postings on the board the issue of the EA is solely with W. I mean, it is in her hands if she decides to end it. For over a week I have been acting like her BFF and I have been declining her solicitations to ML.

Since I do not want to be anyone's door mat until we have a heart to heart on the privacy and EA things with me and her are in a state of limbo. I am trying to focus on my 180's, GAL and taking things one day at a time. I just wish that sometimes I had more patients - some of this would be so much easier IMHO.


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I don't think being a BFF is what you should be acting like.


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EA confirmed and ended 8/2014
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mvgfwd2 #2585288 07/06/15 08:37 PM
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Originally Posted By: mvgfwd2
I don't think being a BFF is what you should be acting like.



x 2.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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