After the D is finalize, I'm not surprised that both of you are detaching. It isn't like an S or BD. It is a D. Just let the dust settle & GAL. I don't think anything you do one way or the other will hasten things toward less distance at this point.
Are their any indirect connections? Mutual friends, people from your or or activities, etc. that she knows & might run into? If so, she will be keeping tabs on you. Just keep the PMA and looking like you are doing fine wo/ her. If she holds a grudge, that will take some air out of her sails and get her thinking about how miserable her life likely is. Maybe it isn't miserable, but as long as she thinks she is punishing you, she doesn't have to focus on herself.
You also may not even be aware of what she is doing to not let you get too far out of sight. Checking happens. Just like you in a sense were checking via her mother, she is likely doing so in her own way, but you don't know about it (yet). Again, maybe not. Either way, what is there to do but let the dust settle some more and see what happens.
Next time you do have real contact, see how things go. Don't expect much, but just see how things go. Then give it some more time. Let her digest that.
After D, if you are serious about standing in there, you know that the rules have changed so that you can't talk about getting the kind of feedback we look for in days or weeks, or even months.
Are you getting out and doing things with other people (I don't mean dating), but you only mention a solo activity, & your work sounds somewhat isolating. I sense some depression that might be helped by some socializing.
asitis, You are probably spot on. And you didn't even read my next post yet. I do well, during the day, and kayaking. The quiet does get me. With kayaking I almost always go with people and that has been really rewarding. I don't think about any of these items until I am alone, and then I overthink them. Mutual friends.... We have many mutual friends, that started out as my friends. She has lost touch with all people from HS & College. For her it is coworkers and family.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
X's sister reach out via text this morning to coordinate the picking up of X's stuff. I thought about this, and then called her. I was wondering why she was reaching out & not X. Turns out X didn't know she was calling. I then asked her how X was really doing and she told me a ton of stuff. How she didn't agree, how that impacted their relationship, how X has really been alone or on her own, and they are just starting to reconnect (she thinks). She then started to tell me the generic things, she is focused on her career, I can't understand why she didn't try to work things out, everyone deserves to be with someone that wants to be with them, etc, etc.
Life is filled with ups & downs. Need to learn from the downs & work on longer ups... I have to continue to detach & move forward.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you for your post in my thread...I replied there.
What are you doing for the 4th of July? Any special plans?
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob & Teach... Thanks for checking in. I hope you both are enjoying the beginning of the holiday weekend.
This AM, X-FIL & X-BIL came to pick up X's stuff. They arrived at 8 on the dot and I was already working. I had most of it up and out for them already (except the big pieces). We got it all out of there quickly. X-BIL seems overly upset about the whole thing. I bust his balls about taking my stuff, but I think he genuinely feels bad. At one point he was encouraging me to do negative things to the stuff X is receiving. Similarly, X-FIL was saying something about how X may not like something (they FIL & BIL scratched something) and I said just blame it on me, she can't get any more mad at me. He looked at me with a half hearted smirk.... like he appreciated me saying it but also felt bad.
After that... I paddled. I meet 8 new people and went out to dinner with 2 of them.
July 3rd was fun. But I'm looking forward to picking up the kids at 12 exactly.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Mahhhty, I think you handled an awkward situation very well. Who knows what XW's family thinks about the sitch? I'm sure it's just as awkward for them, as they are probably trying not to get involved.
Nice work on meeting some new people. If you're anything like me, that's a big challenge.
Have a great 4th! I hope you make it to Monday with all your fingers!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Hope you are having a great weekend! I will be going to check out the local rowing club next week. They have two days of free "Learn how to row" events going on. Should be fun! My daughter and I also signed up as volunteers again for the local Dragonboat Festival. I hope next year we can actually be part of a team again and paddle. It is so soothing skimming over the water and on race day, what an adrenaline rush! :)))
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
