I don't think you can do Chap 7 when you have a fair or good amount of equity in your home. The trustee will make you sell it to pay off/down your creditors first.
Please don't feel hopeless. There is ALWAYS hope.
I don't know what God's purpose will be for this is in your life as satan attacks your family but I do know you will make it. Your wife might be lost for good, but through faith and a tireless love for your children YOU will be ok.
I wish you could talk her into letting YOU have the marital home. Then "saving it" makes sense as you can then protect your equity position. Catching up so she can stay there makes no sense. She needs rock bottom and you need to protect your kids best interests because she doesn't care about anything but herself these days.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Morning, Prowl, did you rest last night? I see your WW has played one of the favorite and most used cards......."The Contoll Card". That is where the WW accuses the H of always trying to control her. Her objective is to condition him to give over to whatever she wants now.
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She claims I am very controlling and have been our whole marriage
I would think it must be very difficult for a H/F at this stage where he has to mentally/emotionally shift gears in order to make these major decisions. He has trained himself to be the protector and provider for his family. His family is his focus and center of his life. He serves as an umbrella that covers his children, wife, as well as himself. When the WW chooses to leave the M, she walks away from the loving protection of the umbrella (the H). IMO, the H's decisions from that point forward are not required to place her wants first on his list. He has been fired as her H, so he does not have to protect and provide for her well being as if she were under the umbrella. His priorities are what is best for his children and himself. Not EVERYBODY, as he once was conditioned to think.
This may sound harsh to some, but the WW is harsh and will not hold back to get everything like she wants. Her solutions to any problem will have selfish motivation. She is not going to put the others first. Her best is what she's seeking throughout all of these decisions.
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She called me about an hour ago and now she wants to file a Chapter 7 instead of a Chapter 13. the difference being our credit gets cleaned up a lot quicker, She's under the impression that our house wont be taken from us because we have small children. But all of our other property, Cars, furniture, my business items (Photography equipment) will be taken. Of coarse her solution to that is to hide all of our property at friends homes. I'm so frustrated with her mind set of "throw it all away in the name of "ME" being happy." I sat through listening to how happy she is now and that she just wants this to all be over so she can find someone to create her happily ever after with. I just listened and validated... I just don't see any hope in this situation of a R.
Prowl, get professional advice!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Morning, Prowl, did you rest last night? I see your WW has played one of the favorite and most used cards......."The Contoll Card". That is where the WW accuses the H of always trying to control her. Her objective is to condition him to give over to whatever she wants now.
Yes Sandi I was actually able to get some rest. A friend of mine contacted me and I stayed with them the last 24 hours. It was nice to get out of my small, lonely apartment and spend some time in a friends loving home.
How plausable is it for a WW to use medical issues to get compassion or sympathy? I swear ever since the S her and her family have had numerous health issues and stints in the hospital. She has been claiming to feel really tired and faint lately and has gone so far as to tell me that she now has a series of medical test that they want to run on her. The thing is whenever my kids have seen the doctor, or had a medical issue, I have been getting the bill for it in my mail. I have not seen one medical bill for all of her medical issues that she has claimed to be having.
Going along with her new medical themes, she has asked me to take the kids on a certian day next week becuase she has testing in the morning. This is a woman that left her kids two weeks ago for 3 days while she lived it up in Vegas with her girlfriends. I find it interesting that she wants me to take the kids overnight so that she doesn't have to worry about them being home by themselves for a few hours while she is 5 miles away. I guess it just goes back to believing nothing that she says and only half of what she does.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
How plausable is it for a WW to use medical issues to get compassion or sympathy?
Very! Not that she feels a need for compassion or sympathy (especially from you), but she will use it for manipulation purposes. If you feel sorry for her, you become more pliable. When the waywardness consumes her, everything is about herself. Her thoughts and actions are all centered around what is best for her. Some things a WW does is just too crazy to figure it out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My WW was diagnosed with diabetes in the middle of all this. She enlisted the whole community to garner sympathy for her and to help her manage it. She did the same thing when she found a lump in her breast (turned out to be nothing). When I tried to explain that she fired me as her spouse and that I cannot be there for her while she is in the midst of an A, she made me feel terrible. Like I am deserting her. She then used it as another excuse to do what she is doing.
You can't win these things. No matter what you do, to the WW you are either the villain or the cake provider. That is why you have to work on yourself and look out for your own best interests.
Very! Not that she feels a need for compassion or sympathy (especially from you), but she will use it for manipulation purposes. If you feel sorry for her, you become more pliable. When the waywardness consumes her, everything is about herself. Her thoughts and actions are all centered around what is best for her. Some things a WW does is just too crazy to figure it out.
That would make sense. The last time she told me about a medical emergency was the day before mediation. She called to tell me that her father was in the hospital for a heart issue. She said that if we were only going to got to mediation and fight, she didn't want to go at all and deal with the drama while she has to worry about her father...
I mentioned grandpa's heart condition to the kids and they had no idea what I was talking about. WW seemed irritated later when the kids started asking if grandpa was going to be okay.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
Just got off the phones with the wife after she sent me a picture text that basically said "If you are with someone that makes you unhappy more than they make you happy, it doesn't matter how much you love them, you must let them go. Not because you no longer care but because you are finally putting your own needs and happiness first".
I validated her and told her that I agree that both of us haven't been happy for a while. She says she wants me to go and find someone that can make me happy like I deserve. That there is no trust in our relationship now... I probably did the wrong thing in telling her that the trust could be re-built. But I want her to know that I could trust her again.
I carried on with the conversation longer than I should have as she became agitated and told me that I didn't repect her wishes by wanting to have this discussion right now. I ended it then and wished her a good day.
SIGH...
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
The W called to talk about me watching the kids this week while she has her medical testing done.
The conversation then turned sour and she wanted me to know what a great time she had with the kids yesterday and how our S11 opened up to her yesterday about past holidays and how he recalled her and I fighting on them. She wanted me to know that S11 had opened up to her because normally he has been the most upset about this sitch and her A.
Then she brought up my EA... She wanted to remind me that both of us were unhappy in the marriage. That I was so unhappy that I went looking for someone else. I tried again to validate her feelings and apologize for my past actions. Part of me wonders if she is saying this because she has basically done the same thing. (Unhappy so she went looking for someone/something else)
Then she always throws in a jab about her entire family getting together for a BBQ today. She knows I really miss these gatherings and she knows it hurts me that I am no longer invited. I don't understand why she does that.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
I don't know why she keeps calling me. This time it was to tell me that she wants to contact a real estate agent tomorrow and and get the house on the market..
She then went back into how much happier she is now that we have been seperated. I asked her if she was ever happy. She responded with "Not as happy as I could have been". I asked her where I failed in our marriage to make her happy. She told me I never supported her. That I didn't make her feel good about herself. I tried to refute that by reminding her that I always called her "beautiful" (That was my nickname for her) She came back with "I know I'm beautful, It was everything else you failed to make me feel good about"
Then it got ugly. I took the bait and I didn't care. I asked her if her new man made her feel good about herself. If he did the things and didn't do and said the things I failed to say.. I told her it didn't matter that she denies having anyone else, that eventually he would emerge. She was taken back a little by this sentence and asked me to repeat what I just said. I said it again and she laughed... She said "Well I guess you'll find out then huh? Sign the papers!"
After a few more minutes of arguing about her possible A I asked her why she would hurt me and throw 8 men in my face when I was begging for her to save our family. Her response "Don't worry I chose the best out of the 8". I then quietly hung up.
Can I be honest... I'm so F*&%ing exhausted. Mentally and emotionally i've had it. That last sentence hurt. Suicide immedicatly came to my mind on how to make this God awful pain stop. I honestly don't want to fight this battle anymore. She doesn't want me, why can't I accept that? She has found someone better and more suited to her. Once again in my life I will be alone. I was a lonely kid that made up imaginary playmates to jump with on the tramp. A kid whos parents would buy him expensive toys so that the other kids in the neighborhood would play with him (For a short time). In High School I had one friend but eventually lost him to a different crowd. I remember walking the halls alone with my head down so no one would notice me. I transfered high schools because I made friends with a co-worker and just wanted one friend to talk to. That friend graduated and I was left alone my senior year.
Now this... My best friend of 19 years leaving me and treating me like the garbage that I feel I am. I'm honestly considering walking out of my job tonight and not returning. Putting this all behind me. Walking away from the life I knew and starting somewhere else. it's either that or take my own life. I can't do this anymore. I can't face being rejected by one more person. I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I'm so tired of being alone.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
