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rd500 #2584195 07/02/15 05:54 PM
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Thanks so much Cali and RD. It's good to know you feel that way. As you know, I'm a huge fan of you both!

Just a brief visit. Busy day WFH and managed to fit in a little family lunch. I'm off to my social group tonight. It's a falconry evening followed by a buffet. The sun just came out after loads of rain, so that's good.

All quiet with my sitch. I think I'll just go dark for a bit. My next job at some point is to think up some reasons why my H can D me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour - I know!! How did that get on to my to do list??

Well, if it wasn't on my list, I would either be filing (nope) or leaving H to come up with the reasons. And TBH, I wanted to avoid that hurt....kind of a Hobson's Choice really. Who was Hobson I wonder?

Anyway, I'm doing okay. Busy helps. When I think of my sitch I still get a hurty, pit of stomach sink. And if I get an email from H, sometimes that sink becomes a stab. Oh well. Really enjoyed posts from Matt77 and Heavy D this week. Took some inspiration from those.

I do realise that I am learning a great deal about myself. Particularly about toxic shame, and the impact on my life and M. And vulnerability and expressing your own needs, and boundaries. It's funny that this is really important stuff and I'm sure I will be a healthier person as a result. It's just hard to have to learn it this way. But in many ways it is possible to see this sitch as a gift.

Anyway - must beautify!! xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2584429 07/03/15 08:09 AM
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Unreasonable behaviour

1. You picked your nose once
2. The toothpaste was left off the cap
3. You forgot to flush
4. You have a wart on your nose
5. You leave the bed sheets more than a week
6. The petrol gauge is empty
7. You buy the wrong pasta
8. You wear Bridget Jones big knickers
9. You didn't put out the rubbish
10. You put dirty dishes in the dishwasher
11. You eat biscuits in bed
12. Your handbag has the whole contents of your make up drawer
13. You sneeze too much
14. You forgot to buy milk
15. You are too loving
16. You are Toots Iamthecheese


Will that do?

I am sure our DB friends can find a few I missed

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 07/03/15 08:11 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2584448 07/03/15 12:01 PM
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I could add to that list, V....but I think I'm just gonna go back and draw your attention to the fact that Toots just mentioned that it's "falconry evening"...like that's something that shows up on everyone's GAL list.

Surely that deserves some sort of GAL award for "most unusual GAL" or maybe just "WTFGAL"? wink


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
gan #2584530 07/03/15 04:45 PM
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OK

17. You do falconry

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


gan #2584581 07/03/15 07:40 PM
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Hello Toots,

How are you today? I hope V and gan made you LOL. I sure did!

Take care of yourself. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

((hugs))

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2584787 07/04/15 08:57 PM
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Hi Toots,

how was the falconry? was the buffet dependent on how successful the falcons were? and more importantly did you get the same massive electrical storm we had last night?

Its weirdly logical that you're trying to find reasons to for your own 'unreasonable behaviour' but as you've already been told remember the bar is pretty low. Also remember (according to my solicitor) that you can not contest without saying you agree with the grounds.

I'm glad you're doing ok and from the looks of things from here you have a good, interesting and fulfilling life so setting aside your H's poor decision making you've every reason to be doing well. But i do know that pit of stomach sink all to well.

anyways you always seem a really positive influence here so i assume that carries through your everyday life. Hope you're enjoying the weekend.

PS I had to look up Hobson's choice and it reminded me of the Eddie Izzard sketch about 'Cake or Death'


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2584891 07/05/15 08:01 AM
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Thank you all for stopping by! Yes, I'm having a nice weekend. I met up for coffee with a friend and her dog at a canal-side cafe on Friday pm. Yesterday I did an extra volunteering shift at thebookstore and I went out to see a film with another friend last night. Today, I'm cooking lunch for Mum and Dad, and I'll go to aqua aerobics tonight.

The friend I was out with last night has been M and D twice. In her second M, her H was unfaithful and had also run up debts that she wasn't aware of. She came away from the M with nothing financially. It made me feel very lucky that we do have assets (and not debt, or nothing to divide.)

It's a bit of an emotional morning for me. I'm trying to draft out these unreasonable behaviour reasons to give to H at some point. I started by writing down all that I truly regret having done (and not done) within the marriage. I'll post that list at some point. It isn't what I will offer to H, but I will pick out half a dozen reasons to suggest he use.

I'm not going to rush to respond to him, but I want to have the reasons ready if he asked for them.

It is the first antiversary of BD and our S this coming week too. I want to have a think about where things are up to and what next, so I'll post some more about that too. I read some of Labug's threads yesterday, which was helpful.

Other than that, I celebrated 'me being independent' yesterday - even though it isn't a holiday here in the UK...

Take care all, and thanks for your kind support which means a great deal to me xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2585118 07/06/15 01:50 PM
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I look forward to reading your updates, Toots. I can imagine that it would be very emotional indeed putting together a list of your "wrong-doings." What a horrible system.

I've visited Labug's threads a few times over the last year - I consider her my DB coach! I hope she's doing well. Haven't seen her for a while now...


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
gan #2585196 07/06/15 06:27 PM
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Toots.... I could not imagine having to do that kind of list .. especially on the anniversary of BD, knowing "WAS is a MLC-Loon" is not an appropriate thing to put down, will take a good deal of character thats for sure.
We all I think at this point .. this long after BD arrive at a place we can say .. I could have done this or that better, truly owning our share of all this, I know I have anyways... but to have it as homework .. no thanks ... seems a bit personal to me.

Hang in there my friend.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2585318 07/06/15 09:22 PM
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Hi Toots Just a quick post to say hello. I hope your ok

Take care. Rd xx

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