New thread, Cadet - and I think I did it right this time! Link me up... thanks!
I am one of those people who is keenly aware of dates and anniversaries. And so I am keenly aware that I've been dealing with the BD for exactly two months now.
It's been the worst nightmare of my life, but I'm just preaching to the choir here when I say that.
I got back to my house this morning a little before noon, and I saw a FedEx delivery notice from yesterday on the door. I suspect that my W, thinking I wasn't going to come home last night, spent the whole night at the OW's for the first time. Interesting... is she only coming home each night at some crazy hour because I'm there?
I ran into my W twice at the house today. The first time, she was cold and perfunctory toward me.
"We need to talk about things and be practical. I have a very busy weekend with lots of plans."
"I'm sure you do," I said. "I really can't believe you read my Skype messages. Why?"
"You know, you need to stop telling people I'm crazy and wacko. I'm not. I've just moved on. You need to deal with it. And some of the things you said hurt me."
"Those things weren't meant for your eyes. If they hurt you, so be it. I'm certain there are hundreds of things you've told OW that, were I to have heard or read them, would hurt me, too."
"True."
"I don't tell people you're crazy," I said. "I just tell them what you're doing, and they draw their own conclusions. If in my messages you saw me mention that you're crazy, it's only to people who already know what you're doing and don't need to be informed."
"Okay, fine." She went back upstairs.
I asked her on my way back out if she hates me... I don't know why. She said no, but it wasn't very convincing. Really, had never seen her so detached and cold toward me.
Went to meet with my Stephen Minister, then came back to get a few things before going to pick up my son for work. She called from upstairs... then came downstairs when I answered.
"I just wanted to wish you a happy Fourth of July," she said.
I said, "Umm, okay. It's the second of July."
"I know, but I have a full weekend."
"Don't we have dinner plans with the boys tomorrow?"
"Oh yes, that's right. Of course."
After a pause.
"I don't hate you. I will go to Trader Joe's today before my 6pm showing, do you need anything besides greens for smoothies and wine?"
"No, that's good, thanks."
"And then I have dinner plans." Not sure why she felt compelled to tell me that, but she followed it with a brief touch on my arm as she said, "Have a good rest of the day, okay?"
Her mind is made up, she is resolute that we are done. But then exchanges like this betray... something. Not sure what. Her face is set firmly, but her eyes can't settle down.
I left to head to the kids' apartment and decided we will stay at my friend's house one more night... they like to stay for the internet, I like to stay because if they are here, I get to be with them, and not be so lonely.
But during my session with my Stephen Minister today, she counseled me to make friends with my loneliness. I guess that will come in time. For now, the loneliness is not my friend. I'd do anything to replace it with the W I used to know.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I know dates are hard. I don't have any advice as I am in the same boat, but I had to wait 3 months for an "I don't hate you" so you are ahead of me. I feel less lonely since I found this forum. I hope you find some peace this weekend.
We head off on a destination with our partners. Then, while we are heading straight on a path suddenly BAM. New direction.
What was once peace suddenly we are at defcon 1. Full out war.
We can be the diplomats or the major in charge of the big push. Either way our ally is now our foe.
So, diplomat or major? We already know the answer. You've read the books. Be the diplomat.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Her eyes betray her heart, which is heavily clouded over at the moment.
Trust her eyes, and yourself.
I have been advised to become friends with the loneliness as well. To swim in the depression as opposed to drowning in it. And to ask everyday what the pain is trying to teach me. Some days I have answers, some days I don't.
More big hugs to you,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I like that metaphor, NDY... the diplomat. I just need to remember to BE the diplomat. Thanks.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I feel less lonely here too, Photoka. Glad you're here, but sorry you have to be.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Thank you for the hug, PP. Wish there was a way we could all connect in person and give those hugs for real. Love the support in this forum.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I like reading your thoughts, but it feels like every time I see some update, it's something negative! Hoping you can find some peace in whatever form it may appear. stay strong, Dif. As hard as it is sometimes, stay strong.
The lunch with my W, mom, and the mortgage lender has been rescheduled for this upcoming Tuesday. However, since my W read my Skype messages, she knows we sort of "planned" it. Or actually... she confirmed that we planned it, because the OW, as anyone who is following my sitch might remember, already created a "them v. you" scenario wherein the three of us would "gang up" on her during this lunch and... I don't know. Make her feel bad? Judge her? Do something "religious?"
In the midst of her angry text messages yesterday, she said, "So what's the deal with this lunch anyway? I'm thinking it's some kind of intervention, and if so, you are mistaken to think I will fall prey to that."
An intervention? Oh boy. All we are going to do is eat Mexican food and drink margaritas. Maybe talk about baptism (since my mom is my W's godmother and the mortgage lender was baptized as an adult, just like my W three months ago). Maybe let the Holy Spirit touch her heart, if He chooses. But nothing like what she's thinking. This was planned back before anyone knew anything about her MLC or affair. But she is on her guard, so I'm not sure what might come of this lunch.
And I'm not supposed to know what might come of this lunch, or anything else for that matter, right?
Again. THANKS OW, for planting rotten seeds in her head. Thankfully they have a full weekend of fantasy affair partner fun scheduled.
I can hardly wait till real life begins to make an appearance in their relationship... and hopefully, by then, I'll be so busy with my own life that I won't be paying attention.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yeah Matt, you're right. It's all been negative since the kids moved out. Been so depressed, and I'm having a hard time facing the next month or two...
But here's some peace tonight: my younger son and I are together on the couch at my friend's house, watching old Seinfeld episodes on TV and just messing around on our laptops. He's such a good kid, at 18 never fails to show how much he loves me. I love him so much, and I'm living in this moment, enjoying his company before we both go back to our respective homes tomorrow.
And you know... your girls are going to love their dad just the same when they get older, because you are loving them so well right now.
Internet hugs back to you, my friend.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
