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gan #2583206 06/29/15 08:40 PM
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Toots,

You fought the "good fight" for your M. Your H is a real dumbass for walking away from the best things he's ever had: you and the kids.

Wonka #2583233 06/29/15 09:38 PM
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Toots

I know it hurts and its a cruddy thing. But honestly you can remain walking with your head held high, you did all you could do to save your M, you honored it the entire way.

Maybe the D is just what he needs to start looking inward, seems often this is the final piece for them if there is hope he ever becomes unstuck.

Reading your sitch .. and I think last week you said as much .. it really does not change what you are doing nor how you are living. I do hope this is still the case and if anything it allows you a sense of freedom to become whoever it is you are working at becoming.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2583388 06/30/15 12:32 PM
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Hi Ttots. Just checking in. Youve been very quiet the last few days , all ok ?

Rd

gan #2583423 06/30/15 02:08 PM
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(((Toots)))

I know its not what you want but I'm pleased you feel peaceful towards it.

Who knows where things will lead but at least this way you get a proper financial settlement and can move forward, with an ever better Toots.

I'd love to say pop round and I'll cook you something to cheer you up, but best I can offer is a virtual invite unless you spot me in my T-shirt.

Although I'm also going to take credit for the sunshine and say I've arranged it to brighten up your day smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2583533 06/30/15 05:53 PM
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Thanks so much for stopping by Guys - I really appreciate your kind comments. I've had a busy couple of days at work, so TBH my mind has been occupied - no bad thing. Good to have some sunshine too.

Got back to an email from my L, who has gone through my finances now. She has done a summary ready to be signed off. I updated her that we are expecting H to file and sent her the spreadsheet of our figures that he prepared.

I do feel a shift within myself. Last week seemed to be a week of pain and grief as I truly felt our M was coming to an end. This week I feel much more settled. Who knows what next week holds!

The one thing I do struggle with is that there may be no return from this. By that I mean his filing on grounds of unreasonable behaviour rather than waiting a further year - on top of having and A. Do I want to give up on him entirely? I can't even imagine us together again? But then I know that all of this is irrelevant as I wouldn't be doing anything different to now anyway. Except perhaps date? But I don't feel ready for that - though I did have a nice convo with a guy at work today with a touch of flirtation grin

It is good to feel a sense of peace about the M and my efforts to save it. I do feel I gave it my best shot. And perhaps there may still be a chink, IDK. But I fully intend to do my best to move on now. Not just move forward as I have been.

It still doesn't make sense to me. How H said our M was mostly happy, he loves me, I'm beautiful and the best to be M too. Yet he seems pretty desperate to get out of our M. But I know others struggle with this too and closure on that just may not be possible. It is what it is.

Hope everyone is enjoying some good weather like us in the UK xx

Last edited by Toots; 06/30/15 05:56 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2583603 06/30/15 08:48 PM
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Each day as it comes, Toots. You are sounding good in spite of it all. And some flirting! Good for you.


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
gan #2583639 06/30/15 10:23 PM
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Hi Toots. Your sounding strong and upbeat. Flirting and letting go of M may just be what you need

You know I feel your H is MLC of the like and looking for the impossible This cannot go on forever but it could be he is losing his time window with

Take care. Rd xx

rd500 #2583789 07/01/15 12:47 PM
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Hi Gan and RD, thanks for stopping by. Your support means a lot to me....

Well, it's a day off for me, the weather is lovely and I have my pretty summer dress on and toenails freshly painted - ready for a date with myself. I read that on another thread - Skhdive I think - and liked it.

I started meditating again last week. I lapsed for a little while and realised I felt worse as a result. Starting again has helped me and I had a good sleep last night. Woke up calm and rested. Popped into town today and bought a pretty new top for myself, and just about to go and stock up on wine.

Busy week socially this week. Tea at friend's on Monday. Yoga tonight. Tomorrow is WFH, but a lunch date with my sister and evening birds of prey event with social group. Bookstore on Friday, then out for coffee with a friend. Then a movie with another friend on Sat pm....I think my social life is about the busiest it has ever been!

As for H - I'll just see how things play out. I wondered whether to start calling him STBXH - but TBH I don't feel completely ready for that. But I do know I need to live just for me right now. I have a couple of inward niggles just now. One is - should I have invested in a DB coach? The other is - have I done enough to try and attract H back. I'm just pondering on these right now. It may be there wasn't much else I could have done, but clearly it's there in my mind - potential unturned stones.

Best wishes and hugs from the UK to you all xx

Last edited by Toots; 07/01/15 12:51 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2583848 07/01/15 04:33 PM
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Toots

I can understand where you are at, I recall being there too as I awaited the date we mediate and I just sign the papers.

Just caught up on your sitch ... a couple things jumed at me.

First .. the second guessing, did you do enough and all that? Well .. lets just take a peek at your time line, about a year and a half, 2000+ posts ... yeah .. I think you have done more than most, do not remotely beat yourself up. MLC'rs are a different breed, they have to work out their own crisis ... as the fight song here goes IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, its their crisis. And as I have said, and I truly feel this even with my W ... sometimes they need that D to look in the mirror and begin to do that work, might be what your H needs, he admits that the M was good, you were wonderful ... this screams its him Toots, and right now he knows he is not available for you, who knows when he might be, its up to him to get back to that spot he needs to get to and fix his broken self.

As far as the dating ... yeah .. this spot of the forum, we are in it for a bit and those questions arise. You will date when you are ready ... plain and simple. I went out on a date or two just to start rebuilding myself ... realized I was not ready and never did a second date, but I had to get out there, out of my comfort zone .. and in a way prove that I was desirable as we all deal with the "why did they discard me so easily" feeling.

In time you will be just fine Toots, as you mentioned .. this really changes nothing for you, you will continue to be awesome and will approach the challenges as they come.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2583855 07/01/15 04:46 PM
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Hi Toots. I certainly feel like youve done enough except for standing and that's something you will do for as long as you wish to

Your obviously an attractive, caring and nice person. Your H is going through an MLC. and will one day look back at this with either huge regret or disbelief at what he almost lost.

Can I just say your post on here are so helpful and kind that I read them all. I feel very lucky you took an interest in my sitch and have always been there for me

Please don't second guess your actions You have stood tall while H stooped to the gutter. You could have moved in fairly quickly but you didn't. H needs to wake up and smell the roses before he loses you to someone who deserves you


Take care. Rd. Xxxx

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