Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Def

You sound like you are doing VERY well .. it snice to read and yeah you r GAL is really cranking up your PMA and a result of that has been positive ... that's awesome

I am not so sure with GB' advice .. no offense but that screams pursuit to me and from what I have read it looks like Def tossing some GAL in has W pursuing a touch, she also has been using the kids to keep that line tight ... just my opinion, its a tough dance to pull off I would think Def would know right now if that could be a good move or not.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
Your GAL and fun focus w/ kids is great. Keep it up.

I also disagree w/ GA, as that seems like pursuit. Give your W space with her friends, and don't assume that you aren't present in her mind while she is out partying. Post pics of the fun you and kids are having (I wouldn't even send them directly to her, just instagram like you did, or instagram most and send an extra meaningful one to her as a sort of insider, knew you'd really love this one sort of thing).

Your W is texting you pictures & videos of the kids while she has them, and not just once or twice. She is thinking of you while she is with the kids (not just thinking of the kids when she is not with them and otherwise you are out of sight and mind) and sharing things that she knows will please you. You are showing/sharing yourself making the kids very happy when you are with them (given how she is sending stuff to you, she's very likely getting the warm fuzzies seeing that). You've got reciprocation going on. You've got consideration of your happiness going on. You've got evidence that you are in her thoughts quite a bit. I wouldn't mess with that. These are very positive in my book.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
Nice GAL lately Defacto, keep up the great work.

I'm not sure about trying to meetup with W and her friends on beach either, seems like too much pursuit.

I would say keep doing what your doing and see how W's actions progress. Keep up with the good PMA around her and showing her the man only a fool would leave.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
I would continue to post your GAL stuff. I wouldn't ask W this weekend ... If I were her I would think 'wow I just served him with D papers and he's offering to come by and bring stuff for me' I think it makes you look weak/she can walk all over you. That's not the guy you want to be. Remember what most women are attracted to.

We may say we want someone that will do whatever we want ... I don't really believe we really mean that!


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
D
Defacto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
Thanks for all the feedback, gang. Even if I felt it was a good idea to drop in on STBX and her friends, I couldn't have because she was two hours south of me.

Journaling:
Awesome weekend with the kids! I picked up the kids Friday night after work at MIL's house. We grilled steak for dinner (of course). Then D4 and I pigged out on popcorn and snacks while we watched a movie downstairs.

Saturday morning, I drove the kids over to my best friend's house for a play date. After lunch, we enjoyed an awesome discovery and science museum about an hour south. The whole time we were there, D4 kept asking if we could come back. I love taking the kids to do fun stuff like this.

STBX called Saturday night to say hello to the kids. She was friendly, asked about our weekend plans, and seemed to go out of her way to tell two funny stories about D4 saying nice things about me.

Sunday morning, I took kids to a drive thru wildlife park. The kids loved seeing all the animals up close. After the driving portion, we went on the carousel, the Ferris wheel, and played in the splash park. The weather took a turn for the worse after lunch, so we spent the rest of the day indoors playing together and watched a movie. We really did have a blast. I truly cherish the time I get to spend with my two angels.

STBX called again to talk with D4 tonight. D4 told her all about our day together.

In all, I did fairly well keeping my mind focused on me and the kids. I did see a few selfies STBX posted that made me really question who she is these days. I guess one doesn't get a boob job and not show it off, right? I kind of feel sorry for how she needs so much affirmation right now. Of course, I snapped a few pics of me having a blast with the kids over the weekend to throw up on Instagram too.

I've realized that this is my new life now. It's not a life I've freely chosen but I am making the most of it. I'm going to be the best damn dad I can be. I will maintain self respect yet I have not given up on my marriage.

Here's to hoping D4 falls asleep in the next few minutes so I can enjoy True Detective!


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
Def - I gotta get caught up on true detective myself, don't tell me what happens : )
I'm encouraged to see all your gal and being the best damn dad you can be. In my sitch I sometimes forget that and reading what you've been doing helps to remind me.

You are right. This is our life now and not the one we've chosen. However we have say and control on where we go from here. We have the time to work on us and do things we enjoy for us when we don't have the kids and then have a blast and connect with who we love and care about when we do have the kids.

As much as I want my ww to be a part of that and with me, I know I don't want who she is now and may always be. I miss what I thought our past was and she wants to do everything she can to move on from it.

Gal and pma. Keep it up!


M-33
W-33
S-11, S-8
M-11, T-14
BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18
I moved out 5/23
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
D
Defacto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
A bummer kind of day. I followed a few rabbit trails that hurt my PMA. Then, my GAL plans got cancelled because of bad weather. When I FaceTimed with the kids, STBX made no attempt to talk or even look at me. Later, she texted me that both of the kids threw up at the dinner table. I had planned to start getting some documents together for the financial affidavit but I think that'll have to wait for another day. Gonna crack a beer, lay on the couch, and watch American Sniper.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
There ya go de facto. Life given you lemons, crack open a beer and grab a Clint Eastwood flick!


M-33
W-33
S-11, S-8
M-11, T-14
BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18
I moved out 5/23
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
D
Defacto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 569
Journaling:

Tuesday was a much better day than Monday. I made a concerted effort to not think about STBX. I loaded up my phone with upbeat music, stayed busy at work, controlled my thoughts, and focused on my own plans. I went for a hike at lunch, which enabled me to reset and clear my head. While I did think about my sitch on occasion, I didn't really think about STBX specifically.

STBX did text a pic of the kids from the beach in the afternoon and she sent another pic of D4's sunburn around dinner time. I replied to the last TM and used it as a transition to ask to talk with the kids.

STBX FaceTimed me while I was out at dinner with BIL. When I answered the call, D4 asked where I was a couple of times. I just told her that I was out at dinner. I talked with the kids for a few minutes. As always, it makes me so happy to talk with them on a regular basis. I am pleased that STBX and I have a routine for regular interaction with the kids.

Later in the call, STBX asked for the phone to talk with me about some scheduling stuff for this weekend. The conversation wasn't meaningful but we were able to sort out the schedule. Throughout the call, the kids are fighting to talk with me and STBX said that I was clearly the favorite parent right now. I smiled and said that it wasn't true. Of course, it felt good to hear this from her. At the end of the call, STBX told me to have fun. I wished her a good night with the kids.

My sister and BIL came down to visit for the week. My BIL went through a similar sitch as mine in his first MR so we have spent a lot of time talking the past few months. Last night, he and I went out to grab dinner and watch the world cup soccer match. Afterwards, we each enjoyed a glass of whiskey and talked religion. It was a good night.

Today should be super busy at work but I welcome the distraction. Tonight's GAL plans are trivia night, which has turned in to the highlight of the week for myself and some of my friends. I think this might be the week that we take home first prize. Plus, I believe we have finally settled on the all important, ever elusive team name.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 512
Awesome job, Defacto! WED Trivia night? Is it "Geeks who Drink"? I play that pretty regularly. Don't like to brag, but our team took home first 5 weeks in a row . . . : )

Now most of my friends are married with young children, so having to use meet ups to find various trivia nights - always a good time though.


M-33
W-33
S-11, S-8
M-11, T-14
BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18
I moved out 5/23
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard