8 months of DBing in the threads above. But I'm not giving up on my marriage and my lovely wife! No way!
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
When I have time, I'll post the suggested text from Wonka, etc. from my last thread (Part 9).
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Just a recap. So you won’t have to hunt for the recent, and infrequent, TMs between my WAW and me, here they are all here in one post beginning with the text that hurt so much. Please remember, we had not been in contact for some time, so this came “out of nowhere:”
Fri June 12: W: "You know I just came home from the grocery store drove myself there and back as usual. I'm starting to make new friends who are nice, not controlling and actually seem to like me for who I am, without conditions placed on everything. I realize how much you took from me over the last 13 years and it makes me want to vomit. You tried so hard to control me ever since the start and all you did was bring me down. You are an absolute control freak, you make me sick."
**** No contact between this period. **** Suddenly, one week later, an apology from W followed-up 5 minutes later by a request for a favor. (Her same behavior for months.)
Fri June 19: Text #1: W: "Sorry to have sounded so vicious, but that's how I felt that day. With Collection Agencies calling all the time over things that I do not think are wholly my responsibility, I am angry quite often."
Text #2: W: "Anyhow, Congratulations on the Blackhawks Victory!!! I've been sick with Pancreatitis since Monday so I didn't get to see much of it. I'm very proud of them, they are still my team. Another funny thing is that I haven't cut the back part of my hair since I got here, so now my pony tail is so long it would fit great through my Sox cap. CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? I will PAY YOU BACK for the POSTAGE!!! Could you send me my summer dresses, sundresses, shorts in my third and fourth drawers, the hand carved knife in the top drawer next to my side of the bed and my baseball cap to wear in the sun? I got a bad sun burn through the car glass coming down for (her S's) graduation. He has chosen to go to (same college as W) this fall. Like mother, like son! If you could send those things, I would greatly appreciate it and pay you back for the postage & hassle. If not, I'll have to make other arrangements. Please let me know if you can or not. Thank you so very much. W"
After Wonka and others helped with a reply, this is what we decided on:
Sat June 20: Me: "W, what a thrilling time to be a Blackhawks fan. What an epic series! I am sorry about the pancreatitis. That’s no fun at all. Hope you're better by now. It’s so wonderful that (S) is going to (W’s college)...how exciting for him. You must be proud of all he’s accomplished. Yes, I can check on your things and respond in a couple of days. Take care, Bob"
W replied with this at 1:20 AM on Sun June 21: W: "Hi, yeah I was really excited for you and the rest of Chicago! It's been getting very hot here, especially during the day and when I go out I don't need to lose any more weight! We also need to talk about selling the townhouse. It's not going to sell well as it is. I have been thinking and it needs painting, some new carpeting, a new sink/cabinet for the powder room and some updated fixtures. Then it needs some staging. It can be done, it just needs some planning. It's possible I could pay for it. Most of it can be done with things from Lowes. It would all need to be done in neutrals. It would sell much better that way, we'd make more money that way and of course I would take any money I put into it straight off of the top!? Please give it consideration; it would really make the most sense. Then I would move my things out or put extra things in storage. What do you think? I know it's a lot to digest, but we need to start thinking about these things. Thanks. W"
I have been sick much of the week, and my W and I did not contact each other. I haven’t had time or felt up to gathering her things. Yesterday, I sent her Part 2 of the Wonka/Team text:
Sat June 27: Me: “Sure, I can send out the items. Knife? Are you chasing bears in the backyard?? Ha!”
The text did go through immediately but I haven’t heard back in 1 ½ days. Not that I expected to. So, that’s the latest in my world.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I am hopeful that the humor in your last text brings a positive response. Keep showing your PMA. Like you've told me, we don't know what the future holds.
I hope that this finds you finally feeling better and that you've had a great weekend.
Sending positive vibes, prayers and hugs your way!
M: 50 W: 47 No kids together M: 10 T: 11 BD #1: 12/14 R #1: 7/15 BD #2: 1/18 D Filed: 6/18/18 D Final: 01/28/19 Currently still in-house
As my youngest D used to say when she was about 3 years old (she's 19 now)....you are the "bestest." Let's hope the humor helps. That was the idea, and a great one, by Wonka.
I had a pretty good weekend, and will keep a PMA. Yes, who knows what the future holds?
Thank you for the positive vibes, prayers and hugs. Sending them all back your way!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hope you had a great weekend bob. The no contact with me ww finally got to me. I understand how that must feel for you. How hard is it to not put expectations on things?!
I'm thinking about your sitch and I wish you all the best on you're journey. You're such a huge encourager and I always know I can count on you for support. You can do the same with me. I like many others, am here rooting you on!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I'm thinking about your sitch and I wish you all the best on you're journey. You're such a huge encourager and I always know I can count on you for support. You can do the same with me. I like many others, am here rooting you on!
Hey Buddy,
Rip, I was thinking about you earlier, as I've had some time and felt better to catch up on everyone (or at least try). I was looking for your thread and couldn't find it. I know it's out there, but I got side-tracked by something to take care of. Now I see your post. Wow.
Yes, the NC is very tough and "No expectations" maybe even tougher. But I have faith in you...you can do it. Thank you for the very kind words -- I had a good weekend and it just got better hearing from you.
Take care and thanks for checking in on me!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hello everyone! It seems like many of us have been hit recently with extremely tough times -- even more so than usual.
I found this payer that Starsky posted quite some time ago. I had copied it into a Word document, stumbled upon it now and thought I'd share it with you all. It is written in the context of a husband asking God to help him and his wife. Of course, many cases here have a wife dealing with a WAH or H who is having an affair. Obviously, this can be prayed by all.
Marriage Prayer from Starsky:
"Father, thank you for my family. Thank you for giving my children to me to care for, and (wife's first name) to me to help. Forgive me for the times that I haven’t appreciated them, and done my very best.
Father, I lift up (Wife) to you and ask for you to protect her today. Protect her from physical and emotional harm, and from the enticements of this world. Strengthen her to be the godly woman and strong mother that you want her to be. Give her encouragement that there is hope for her marriage, and that her efforts can result in a better, happier life for her, me and our children and grandchildren someday. Please open her eyes to the painful realities of divorce and separation and infidelity, and give her wisdom to make good decisions.
Lord, I acknowledge that you gave us all Free Will, but I ask for your extra grace for (Wife) during this difficult time.
Father God, I lift up myself to you, and ask for you to give me strength today. Give me the strength to do the daily work that needs to be done to restore my marriage, my family, and my finances. Give me the wisdom to make good decisions, and please give me the godly discernment to detect potential danger to my family, and give me the courage to be vigilant and do what’s necessary to protect my wife and my family. Lord, give me the PATIENCE to keep working at this, and help me put my faith in the substance of things HOPED FOR, and in the evidence of things NOT YET SEEN, instead of in appearances and the seeming hopelessness of a given situation.
Father, help me restore my marriage.
Help me to be a better father, a better husband, and a stronger example to my children, especially my young men.
Help (Wife) to be a better mother, a better wife, and a godly example to our children, especially our young women. Help her display, in her daily life today, the balance between strength and independence of a confident woman, and the humility and godliness that you require of her, and let that be an example to our daughters.
Lord, help me get thru this day, and live it in such a way that if it were to be the last day of my marriage, that you would be proud of the effort I gave, and the example I led.
I pray in Jesus’ name,
Amen."
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm sorry I wasn't on here when you were triggered by that song. Triggers are a blessing and a curse in my opinion. They're a curse because they remind us of happier days in our R, but they are also a blessing for the very same reason. When we get past the sad, the trigger can give us motivation to continue on. If we didn't still love our partners, it wouldn't trigger anymore.
I thought of you often this weekend, just didn't get a chance to get to the boards.
*hugs* E
Ps. This is a verse that has helped me recently. Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Sending them all back your way!
