I want to apologise to H about the OM and take full responsibility for it.
Something like H I am sorry I hurt you with what I did re OM. Is this too short, not validating enough.
I do own this and want H to be aware of it as this is one of the things that was brought up.
H has asked me to go to the Garden centre with him, he was civil and friendly. Sounds stupid but I don't know how to act around him without being cold and distant. I am upbeat but don't want H to think I don't care. It is hard to be around him without letting myself be hurt.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Smothy - i will reply to above - but first what I was in the middle of when this ^^^ came through.
Re: texting, phone call
Guess what Smoth? Maybe it is OW. maybe they are planning to elope. Maybe they are laughing at you! HahAhahaha! Sorry - really cruel off me I know - but point is what are you going to do about it? What can you do? Nothing!
Don't dwell on it. Easier said than done I KNOW!!! But practice your meditation. Actually I have a better prescription that really helped me in times of high stress.
Close your eyes, get comfortable like for meditation even. Now breathe. DONT try to clear your mind. DONT try to regulate your breathing. Just breathe. Do this for a few breaths, maybe 10, count it on the exhale. Don't try and control it.
Now do it again, but this time, without trying to control your breath at all, just take notice of where it is hitting the most as you breathe in. Is it the tip of your nostrils, in your nose, at the back of your nose, throat, in your lungs. Tell me where it is.
Then notice where it is hitting when you exhale. Is it the same place. Just do this, and then have a break. To be cont'd.
Ok - telling H? Delay. You don't have to tell him right now. You will feel differently about this in one hour. Please trust me Smothy. I have made this mistake too many times. In one hour we will discuss it again. Tomorrow we will discuss it again.
My suggestion is when you are really riled, don't get in the car with him. Tell him you have something to do. Spend time with him when you are on your best game.
(((Smothy)))
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
You are right. I shouldn't care. h received some texts when we were out and he did not respond or look at them whilst I was with him.
Was breezy and light, H wanted to look for some garden furniture and asked me what did I think of it for our house, I said it was up to him as he was the one who would be using it.
Had high heels on and in some places walking around he linked my arm to help me. h said should we have steaks for dinner tonight and I told him I was going out tonight and he was a little surprised and was a little more distant after that. He was going to buy a candle to light we both like the smell off and then he decided the queue was too long.
h did try to ask me where I was going tonight but I pretended I didn't hear the question.
Had a pleasant lunch at cooked the steaks for lunch rather than dinner. Kept up with the PMA and asked him nothing.
Is this the best approach? He kept telling me he dropped the boys off after the day out yesterday but we both knew he was with OW.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Is this the best approach? He kept telling me he dropped the boys off after the day out yesterday but we both knew he was with OW.
Hi Smothy,
I stopped by to see how you are doing. Wow, hang in there.
I'll wait for one of the Vets to reply -- very good question and I'm not sure how to reply. Sorry.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks for looking in, Bob. Need some vets advice on this.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
i dont understand why the home shopping when that is all about to dissolve?
i dont think you should or shouldn't care. thats unavoidable. i dint think it is useful to try and jump straight to that stage. where possibly you shouldn't b aiming anyway. I mean if I didn't "care" about Ws adventures or whatever she does, then why would I even want to R. I try to not let it get to me, because I have no control what she actually does anyway, only my reaction to it.
Be appreciative for what you do have and absorb these blows into your stride. Day by day the blows will become easier to absorb. One day you WILL get to a point where you take a blow right on the chin, and say "is that all you got, hit me again". It will still hurt like hell, for a long time, but there is a serenity in knowing that the worst is over. You can decide when this is. I think it is for you. This should give you strength. Whatever happens next, it won't be worse than what you know you can deal with.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
I think it is - mean I think it is over for you - you have already suffered the worst of it. From here on, nothing is going hurt as much as you have already sruvived.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
I don't understand the shopping either. H said we needed to get new plants for the planters. When we walked round H kept saying that would be good on decking etc. I kept saying yes, but it was up to him as he was living in the house. H suggested getting new candles for OUR house. Confusing.
Spent the evening watching G of T with some joking, then we went outside and fixed the clothes rail, laughing and joking throughout.
H went to bed v early with a goodnight 'pat' on the back. This brought some anxiety back as during his EA he would say he was going to bed early then spend most of the night texting OW.
GAL tonight joined a meet up group so meeting for the first time.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Do you know who OW is? Sorry to say, but it sounds like a bit of revenge for your part in OM trilogy. I know he sanctioned it, but to me, this seems like the elephant in the room.
Maybe a vet would like to chime in here, but this seems like the real bone of the problem here. If we can solve this problem, can it be moved forward?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Do not bring up the OM or allude to it. STFU on it. It is a painful subject for H and that will need to be put on a back burner for the time being. You will have your opportunity down the road. Now isn't the time to do so.
As for shopping with H, I think it is okay. Try to reduce those interactions to 1 out of 5. You don't want H to get too comfortable with you standing in that "spot" where he knows you'll always be there for him to turn. Back to comments about getting "this n' that" for the house, why don't you step up and engage with him for it is a bonding thing for you two.
Dropping the kids off at the OW, you can state that you prefer that he not do this and you want the kids with you. Again, you don't want to do this too often. You would want to "train" H to respect your time by having some set schedule.
I am glad to read that you dressed up a bit at the Garden Center.
The next time you need to go out with friends, just say, "I have plans and need to go now." Be mysterious! Let H wonder!
