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Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Originally Posted By: Bob723
Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Date myself
[*]Every day I want to get dressed to impress. To feel good about myself. I will pretend that I am always ready for a date. With me.
Hello MS,

I stopped by to see how things have been progressing. PM has given you some great advice.

Wow, you sure do have a lot on your plate and I don't blame you one bit for being "terrified." You will make it, one little step at a time.

I loved your list of things you can do, especially the one above. Good for you!

I will keep you in my thoughts and daily prayers.

*Hugs*

Bob


Thank you. Today I woke up without anxiety but with a feeling of loss. Tears can be healthy, and I hope these are the healthy kind.


Ms, that's why I'm always dressed well too. With make up.

I never thought of it as dating me, but it wasn't for anyone. It was just for me, pleasing myself.

It's one thing I changed and won't ever allow anyone else's view to change it.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Thank you. Today I woke up without anxiety but with a feeling of loss. Tears can be healthy, and I hope these are the healthy kind.

Hello Msd,

You're welcome. What you are feeling is so normal. I bet the tears were the healthy kind.

Like V, I believe in you.

*Hugs*

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Msd

I am thinking about you and your sitch.

Fins look tough but honey you are one of the strongest here, one of the most imaginative, one of the most talented.

I believe in Msd. Now let's have a plan.

So what is happening on the Fin front?

What plans to earn the extra cash?

V

So I have two tutoring jobs 2 hours a day 5 days a week which pays about the same as a whole day of subbing, so that isn't so bad. The start after independence day. The problem is that I won't be able to stay away from home as much as I hoped because the cases are near home. And being home is absolute torture.

I stopped home today to drop of the kids, but I am going to stay with my parents for a couple of days. The tension is so incredible. The hate he has towards me is insane. I left before I let it get to me to the point of reacting. But I feel the anxiety building. I feel like I am getting back to the point I was at in April. I decided that I need to get back on the meds for now. I really thought I'd feel better once school ended. I really don't.

Tomorrow I am going to start applying for some real jobs. I also have to help my uncles move. That will be a good thing to do. They are fun, and it will be good to help out others.

I am resisting the desire to reach out to HNF...I just need to be reminded why it is a bad idea.

My cousin (the only one who knows about him) told me:

  • The good feelings it might give me are only temporary, and after it's done I will feel worse.
  • Think of how I would want my D to handle such situations. Is jumping into a bandaid situation worth my self respect? Even if they never know about it, I am still a role model and need to behave in a way my kids would be proud. I am STILL MARRIED.
  • I need to be the better person. Whatever H is doing does not mean I need to sink to the same lows.


It makes sense. But I really just want to wrap myself in something superficial to pass the time until the pain goes away. That's how I always handled things before kids. Now I am a mother. I have to actually go through things with full awareness and experience the pain. But maybe I can find other GAL things that can help bear the brunt a bit.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
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Just had a tough love pep talk with my mom. I think that is what I needed. No more escapism--time to take back my home.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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So Msd,

I understand this home is job related accommodation with H job?

My great concern is that if you have an A with HNF (I am resistant to say A, as I consider you a free agent going LRT), then your WH may make hay with it. You are ambivalent and that seems another sign to me.

Great news on the tutoring too, is there another location you could stay at instead of the house if you feel uncomfortable? I know you say you want to reclaim your home and I tried this with my own living room. It made me feel quite queasy and extremely on edge. In the short term was ineffective and caused more confrontation with WH. I felt good about standing my ground.

Uncles sound great fun, hope they have lots of interesting stuff to pack.

If you need something superficial then try macrame! No better still go dancing.

Job search is almost a full time role in itself.

Peace and great hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
So Msd,

I understand this home is job related accommodation with H job?

My great concern is that if you have an A with HNF (I am resistant to say A, as I consider you a free agent going LRT), then your WH may make hay with it. You are ambivalent and that seems another sign to me.

Great news on the tutoring too, is there another location you could stay at instead of the house if you feel uncomfortable? I know you say you want to reclaim your home and I tried this with my own living room. It made me feel quite queasy and extremely on edge. In the short term was ineffective and caused more confrontation with WH. I felt good about standing my ground.

Uncles sound great fun, hope they have lots of interesting stuff to pack.

If you need something superficial then try macrame! No better still go dancing.

Job search is almost a full time role in itself.

Peace and great hugs

V


Yes it is our home with all the nasty ties. My mother's point in having me take back my home is because I am allowing him to control things. He makes things tense so I retreat or confront. When I'm hiding out I am showing him that this is not my home and I need to stay out my of his way. When I confront things always turn really bad. But right now I can reclaim my home. Clean it to my liking. Start cooking in my kitchen again. Start up family sit down dinners with the kids again rather than hiding in my bedroom. D12 has been upset about how separate we have all been. It's time to stop hiding from the tension he is trying to create.

About HNF. I thought the same thing. Every time I start to convince myself that pursuing it won't be a big deal, something comes up to remind me what a mistake it will be. it isn't worth the consequences. There will be plenty of time to date once I am in a better position to do so. Dancing sounds like fun. Now I need to find people to do that with.

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Day 1 of reclaiming my home. D12 seems happier. We made dinner together and kicked around a soccer ball. S13 isn't feeling well so he stayed home from camp and we had a nice day together. I stopped by my uncles' new house but wasn't much help because I wanted to get home to s.

H and I didn't talk but texted about kids. I had headphones on a lot of the time he was here and I don't feel the same tension as before. Maybe this might work out. I mentioned that I wanted the kids on July 4 and suddenly he tried to twist it. Said fine but I should leave the house until Friday so he can have the kids this week since I want them Saturday. I said no, this is my home and I won't leave just because he wants me to. He can spend time with the kids whether I am here or not. I think that was appropriate boundary setting. He didn't respond but said he wants the kids Sunday. I said fine, he can take them somewhere but I can't guarantee I won't be home.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Good job.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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Oh and the google calendar is really helping.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Thank you for sharing your experience, I am new here and learning a lot. I think you are doing a good job.



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