This is tougher than I imagined..

[Cherry]

We have good days and bad. Sometimes he is willing to do everything he can to prove he is dedicated to our marriage. Others, he seems distant and tells me how he feels guilty for what he's done. But he just thinks as it meant nothing to him- it means nothing to me and I'm not hurt. I feel I have done soul searching and found and am the best version of me- but he is reluctant to change anything about him. It hurts as I feel sometimes we can't talk about what happened without him getting angry (albeit at himself, but that obviously impacts me when he gets in a mood). I also find it difficult if he says he is going to go out of an evening (he hasn't yet- but it's a friends birthday soon), as I honestly don't trust him anymore. He is the only person I trusted due to a history of abuse- and now I don't think I fully trust him at all

[Zephyr]

I am so glad you are still posting cherry! I didn't realize you had a thread over here.

Forgiveness is a big deal and he has maybe not earned that yet. You have been through a lot. So as he, but you both have more to do. I am thinking that at some point there will have to be some kind of work on the ability for you to be able to communicate with each other better.

Trust in each other will have to be there for real honest communication to happen. Without that resentment will continue to build. I am sorry that o have zero idea how to get there from here, I do know that He and you Both will have to want to get to that point or else it just can't happen.

Have you laid out a transparency plan? How has that been going?

Have you guys been attending any Mc sessions or infidelity workshops or anything?

We are still Here for you, hoping for your happiness!

[Elly4]

Cherry, I so know what you're talking about with the trust issue. When my H told me that we were getting a D, I felt betrayed and have been having a rough time with the trust thing due to my background as well. In the beginning, before DBing, I mentioned my loss of trust due to this sitch and he said, "so the last 23 years did nothing?" He's been with me this long and still doesn't get it.

*hugs*
E

[Cherry]

We haven't been to any MC yet.. It is on the cards. The transparency is going good I think- he always leaves his phone now- though I admit for the first time ever- I snoop. We have regular date nights and make a lot of time for each other communicating etc. I realise I have a LOT of anger built up.. Mainly towards ow.

[T384]

Cherry,

You two really need to get into MC. Piecing was very difficult for me and we tried to skip out on MC. Needless to say I found myself very close to another BD. committing to MC was what really helped us get where we are today.

[Zephyr]

Hi cherry, thinking of you and wondering how things are going.

[Fogg]

Cherry, update? Hope things are going well for you and H.

[Cherry]

Hi guys sorry I haven't been on here in ages. I lost my log in and life took over.

How is everyone getting on?

I'm finding it tough some days, it's that place we all want to get to. And when we do it's hard. I feel like he is just acting like nothing happened. He gets quite angry and says how it was all a mistake with ow.

I found out he wants to get in touch with her to get her forgiveness and say get on with her life and he will get on with his. He says this is because the guilt hangs over him knowing she's cursing him. Truth is, I haven't forgiven him fully. And I feel like he should be focused on me- that's selfish but I had images of a grovelling man saying he'd do anything. And he did, he's even cried to me begging me not to ever leave him. But then other days I just feel so unbelievably lonely- like I'm worthless. I explain this to him but he says just because he isn't affectionate doesn't mean he doesn't love me and that I demand too much out of him.

[Zephyr]

Hey Cherry,

glad you checked in!!!

Sounds like there is still A LOT of healing left to do.
Loneliness, betrayal and lack-of-trust are all to be expected still.

have you guys been doing any sort of Post-Affair Marriage Counseling over the last bunch of months. This is for you, him AND the marriage.

Still wishing you the best!!!

[Cherry]

No we haven't, I don't even think he would be willing too- whenever it's mentioned he just says how we don't need it