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#2582758 06/28/15 10:23 AM
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Hi all. Nothing much o report. EXW had been calling and texting all week but I have only responded to texts when it was to do with kids and finishing calls asap.

One call was EXWs cash in hand job is becoming legit so that means I lose tax credits !!!
Another plus on this divorce rubbish

I won't hore you all with details but EXW has been telling D14 how she wants to me On my way! but can't at the moment because of issues between me and EXW

At this stage I m getting tired of it all. I havnt seen EXW in person for over a week and don't see any need to

Positives this week , I've been asked out twice. One by a young lady (26 ) I deal with through work and another lady who I know through a friend Funny thing is younger lady made it clear it's purely physical !!!!! How times have changed since I was a young man !
Anyway I'm down most of the time these days and I thinks it's because I see a huge amount of aggravation in years to come with co parenting etc.

I will do my best but life was hard enough without looking at all the problems to come

Thanks for reading. Rd

Link to links
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=36100

Last edited by Cadet; 08/19/15 05:18 PM. Reason: Links
rd500 #2582764 06/28/15 10:59 AM
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Well RD - you clearly haven't lost your touch have you!! Two propositions in one week - I think I have only had two during my entire sitch! Though I was talking to a male acquaintance the other day. I told him H and I had S. He said ' oh, you must have dumped him right?' I told him no and he couldn't believe it - truly amazed that some guy might be crazy enough to dump me!

It would certainly put the cat among the pigeons to have a 'purely physical' thing with a woman almost half your age. I'm not recommending it by the way....though it did make me smile..

I didn't understand what your W has been saying to D14 - I think the typing went a bit awry there RD. I can understand you getting tired of things - It is a long and wearing experience and it is important to look after yourself and plan nice things to counteract the inevitable down times.

Try not to feel down about the future. Your W is as she is just now. That doesn't mean that she will always be that way and that coparenting will be a challenge. Best to let tomorrow take care of itself and make the best of today..

Is your roast dinner in the oven yet?? I'm Mum-sitting all day, so it's a quiet and low key Sunday for me. Busy social week coming up though.

Take care RD xx ((((RD))))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2582766 06/28/15 11:32 AM
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Hi Toots. Just re read it. Doh. EXW came into house Weds morning very upset. D14 asked why and EXW saidshe was missable all the time and wanted to come home but couldn't because of issues between EXW and me

Lol on my two propositions. Younger girl and I have been friends for over 3 years and always very flirty I was in her office yesterday collecting some pallets and she was there. I did not expect her to be there and she told me she had handed in her notice and instead of flirthy anymore how about 1 night in a local hotel I played along and she she tried to frim up and time in a local hotel for last night. I was very tempted as she is a very very very attractive young lady but it's not me. I'm not much to look at Toots but.very charming !!!!!!!!!!!

I think my biggest problem is I see everthing in black and white I can't see EXW every wanting to reconcile and feel all the talk of homesick etc is just guilt

Ham is on and I'm about to attack the spuds !!!!!

Have a great day with Mum !!

The reason you have only had two approaches is very attractive ladies are hard to ask out , you intimidate us normal looking people

Take care. Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2582844 06/28/15 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted By: rd500
Positives this week , I've been asked out twice. One by a young lady (26 ) I deal with through work and another lady who I know through a friend Funny thing is younger lady made it clear it's purely physical !!!!! How times have changed since I was a young man!

I will do my best but life was hard enough without looking at all the problems to come.
Hi Rd,

Thanks for the encouraging post in my thread. I feel better already!

I'm sorry to hear you feel down lately, but it is totally understandable. By the way, would you mind clarifying what your EXW has been saying to D14? Thanks.

You are such a good man, and apparently a "lady magnet," too. You're 49, correct? You've been asked out twice and once by 26 y/o lady. Let's go bar hopping, I'd love to be your wing man to pick up any tips, in case my W does not want to R. (I'm still not giving up!)

Somehow, we will make it together thru this nonsense.

I think you should enjoy the attention, why not? cool

Hang in there mate.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2582904 06/28/15 09:47 PM
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RD,

You make me giggle with girlish glee. Two props and Pink in one week?

Enjoy, let this tickle your ego.

I once said to Gg, you only need one, in your case one lovely colleen who has that which rocks your world. Two is greedy my friend.

If you see Liam on the emerald send him in my direction. Swoon.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 06/28/15 09:48 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2582912 06/28/15 10:23 PM
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Hi Bob. EXW told D14'she wants to come home but can't at th moment becaus of issues between EXW and myself

Re lady magnet , yes Bob , I e always been a lady killer , NOT I am a normal 49 year guy who is not very attractive but I e been lucky that I have an animal magnetism when it comes to beautiful ladies AGAIN. NOT

The young lady is someone I've chatted to for years and we always got on. The meeting on sat was a bit surreal and I was only sure she want joking when she started discussing hotels and times It is an open offer apparently but it's not me Bob Maybe 30 years ago but not these days ( as with all these posts , the previous statement does not apply to Pink , Toots or Vanillia )

Vanillia thanks for posting Always with the Liam !!!!!!! if I see him I'll point him your way !!!

Take care. Rd.

rd500 #2583154 06/29/15 06:44 PM
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Hi all. Few events today. EXW texted and called several times today and wanted to chat. I let her chat as I saw her yesterday and she seems very depressed.

During call EXW was telling me she had a migraine and wasn't feeling well.

Last week SIL called me asking if I could help EXW pay for doctor as EXW had a few issues and needed to see doctor. I said I would try. During today's conv. I asked EXW if she had seen doctor and EXW said no I offered to pay but she refused for a while but finally agreed

I called SIL to let her know and she was pleased as EXW has been telling her she thinks she s depressed and has been texting SIL some very sad texts

SIL also told me that MIL had spoke to EXW and begged her to return home but EXW told her that she wanted to but couldn't see me accepting her back

EXW seems to be bouncing along the bottom at the moment and it's rough to watch. She seems to be reaching out but still unsure what she wants

On dating front I spoke to younger lady today and let her down gently ( LOL)

I hope she gets over me one day !!!!!

Take care all. Rd

rd500 #2583188 06/29/15 08:11 PM
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Hi RD

Looks like I need some good from you on how to get the opposite sex interested smile

Reading the above I feel really sorry for your W, bumping along the bottom seems a good description.

Out of curiosity, does SIL know your stance in the marriage. It just feels like she might be a valuable intermediary

I hope things change positively soon


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2583248 06/29/15 10:23 PM
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Thanks Jim. It's a gift mate !!!!!! Trust me it's doesn't happen much these days

SIL wants the M back and knows that's what I want but at the moment EXW has lots more to worry about. All exw s family think I'm a decent enough bloke they are all rooting for me and want the family back together.

They have all called me offering support and all think EXW is suffering a breakdown of some sort.

Thanks for posting Jim. Take care Rd

rd500 #2584273 07/02/15 09:45 PM
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Hi all. EXW phoned yesterday and sort of lost it down the phone. I am having the family home valued and EXW was not impressed. She said she will never agree to sell as kids need their home and they are happy there. I explained I was only getting a valuatation and as she owns thalf the property it's impossible for me to sell the house without her signing.

She calmed down and said she was having a lot of issues at the moment as her body was giving her issues. I asked if she had booked doctors and she said she changed her mind as she was too busy. She then started crying and said she was depressed and missing her family and home. I validated and she said she felt she was all alone and she had to leave last year because the situation got too bad. Again I validated and ask her if she would go to the doctor on Monday as a favour to me. She responded that she would if I would get my kid eg checked as its iver due We agreed on this and EXW stopped crying and said she didn't know what to do and hoped doctor could help her sort her life

We finished call and about two hours later I got a call from SIL to thank me for getting EXW to go to doctor SIL said EXW seemed very down and she was worried about her.

Today EXW called and seemed much happier We chatted for a while and I mentioned if she felt depressed she needed to speak to a proffersional. EXW picked up I was talking about suicide and said she wasn't thinking that way anymore and felt a little better. I just offered to be a the end of the phone if she ever felt that way again EXW did say she wants to go to L/C again but we will
See

D11 was with EXW yesterday in my garage and EXW just started crying saying her life is a complete mess D11 gave her a hug which is like getting s hug from an angel

I was with L/C this evening and she thinks I'm doing well. I'm keeping my head clear of EXW and OM much more than before. I think I'm starting to understand that EXW has lots of issues and not just her R with OM

I'm feeling ok at the moment. I went to work on the bike today. Earphones blaring 70"s and 80"s hits and me spending a little bit too much time on the back wheel All on closed roads of course.

I see a lot of heartache on this board and so many people who are prepared to change for the better for their R. L/ C told me to improve myself and let EXW to her own devices. Lives life Become the best RD I can and detach while being there for EXW until she's sorts out her own life One way or the other
Sound familer ?

Take care all. Rd

rd500 #2584565 07/03/15 06:24 PM
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Hello Rd!

How are things today?

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2584574 07/03/15 07:22 PM
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Hi lovely RD. Good to hear that you are doing pretty well. You certainly sound brighter than a month or so ago. It sounds as though your W is still bouncing along the bottom - as you put it in an earlier post....I thought that was an apt description. It always surprises me on these boards how people will get into these situations and stay there for a good while - clearly miserable. Your W, Pink's H.

Last time H was in touch with me, he talked about needing to 'sort out his life' too. I'm not quite sure what that means when they say that. But it seems to take a while for people to truly realise that all these things around them aren't really the problem and can't be 'sorted' - the work needs to be inward.

Oh well - I'm glad to read about you on your bike with some good music blasting. Hope you have a good weekend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2584611 07/03/15 10:30 PM
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Hi RD

Yep, have to agree, bouncing along the bottom is a really good description.

I find it sad to even read about so you're doing amazingly well to cope. I always get a different impression of the WAS when I read peoples threads and but yours is one where I really feel like if only someone could just get through to her and give her smallest amount of hope.....

I'm glad you're still talking to L/C and you seem like you're doing OK which is good to read. Hopefully you can find ways to really enjoy the summer.

Take care RD


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2584630 07/04/15 12:38 AM
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I just love hearing about your family life RD.

The roast dinners, the films, the high jinx.

I am always seeing you curled up with fun food with your lovely Ds.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2584689 07/04/15 11:53 AM
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Hi all. Thanks for posting

Bob. I'm a wee bit down at the moment. Life seems to have settled and we are all adjusting to our new roles. I have been thinking of moving out of the area as it might be easier to start afresh without any of the memory's that the family home brings. Kids won't be overt joyed and EXW has already said she won't sign deeds but I have to think of the long term effects of living near EXW and her work

Toots. Yes I'm always amazed when some WAS appear so sad and even remorseful that they don't do something to improve their lot. You are up to date on my sitch and unless EXW is lying to me , kids and her family then she is very sad and struggling with her life. Talk of suicide wld make you think they would at least seek help and it was only Wednesday when I had to almost beg EXW to see doctor about depression The bike is always good fun even if I'm a little too excitable when I'm on it

Jim. It is very hard to see EXW so sad. She appears to be accepting of her new life and even that's sad. I even find myself hoping she's making it sound worse than it is because its hard to imagine she's so down

Vanillia. My kids and fantastic We are a close knit group and the house is full of love. We do enjoy are time together and even with the underlying sadness we do have fun.

Thanks all for posting. Your support is gratefully received

Take care. Rd

rd500 #2584777 07/04/15 07:59 PM
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Hi Lovely,

It seems like we have some kind of twin life RD. Your W and my H can't stop crying and can't seek help either. They say their life is a mess but seems like they enjoy the self pity for now.

I see this behavior as they are still thinking of themselves and how their lives became a hell because of us. Maybe just time will show them that happiness is not gained by what others will do or not do for us, but it is something we need to find inside ourselves.

I am as always, trying to understand why your words get to me, to a soul point. You said that you are much of a black and white guy... so, maybe that's what calls my attention. I am a sort of black and white girl myself.

Sometimes I wish I could face life in a rainbow way or at least just grey, but I end up always taking a direction that it is or it is now. Never really want to think or go in circles. I guess we have a bunch to learn yet.

I feel that your W will need to face her own demons, but these will be in her own timeline and we do not know when that will be. Depression is a serious illness and all your body chemistry goes nuts and one thing leads to another.

For the kids sake I wish she finds herself and her purpose in life. I still believe that she has been influenced to think on the negative side. Bipolar disorder is a very negative, depressed and painful world. She is involved in these kind of things and it may be helping to stay at the bottom.

But unfortunately for everyone involved, she is the only one that can get herself out of the hole, and that is in her own time too.

I am a bit concerned of what the impact of all her behavior will have in your kids in a long run. I have heard my kids and I don't really like their opinion about their father. I know life will never be the same for them anymore.

They have seem their father crying so many times. S15 was talking about genetics other day and said that he fears to get in a relationship and end up a mess like his dad. I know that IC or LC can make miracles in people's mind, but there are things that will haunt them forever.

Regarding RD having a blast with young lady invite, well, what can I say... if one day it sounds right, go for it. Just be careful there will be no more little RD's in the way, it could really complicate the situation.

I don't remember who you said you look like, I remember you said your voice is a mix of Jason Statham and John Dikes. Maybe you can fresh up my mind of when we had that chat with Toots and Vanilla. I said I look like a kind of Salma Hayek, with accent too, since I will never loose the Portuguese.

And that bike, there goes RD, back to the roots of your soul freedom, feeling life going by as you ride the bike through the wind. Feeling the sadness washed away as the miles go by.

Feeling that life and death are with hands tight and it is a thin line decided by that moment alone. Defeating the fear and feelings of uncertainty that are making a hole in your heart. Laughing at the pure pleasure of feeling yourself.

Oh God! I remember crying while riding a bike one day at night. It was cold, my tear were worm and were rolling out my eyes with no intention to cease. As it was rolling, it was also going away, forced by the speed of my bike, it was like living all my pain on the road. As I road, my tears were left behind, gone with the wind, done for good.

The whole food subject is where we are so different. I am not very attached to food. Sometimes a salad, fruit, a can of sardines, olives, whatever is easy and I do not need to work much to prepare is the best meal. I am forced to cook because I have three dinosaurs at home that are always hungry.

And please, do not stop writing to me, I regret I said that sometimes I need to be careful because I get mixed up about you. I guess it is a time of pain and we get very attached to people that treat us well, with respect and makes us feel good about ourselves.

I won't stop being passionate about you in these boards, I understand we are in a virtual world and this may be just a way of keeping ourselves sane and hopeful for tomorrow. But I do not think we can hurt more then what we are enduring with our own spouses.

RD, hope you are doing well and your kiddos are enjoying life the way it is supposed to be at this time in their lives. By the way, what about that vacation in Spain? Did that happen already and I missed the posts or when it will happen?

And, don't forget to tell us how S20 is doing with his motorcycle, is he like his crazy dad?

And the girls? Any boyfriend in the horizon? I know they are young, but these days things are moving in optic speed around here.

My boys are still very closed. I think we all went through a lot with death, sickness, father leaving, D stuff. I feel it will be OK someday, but I need to be patient with them and reassure them I won't abandoned them too. What is tough work, but I will always try my best.

This is 4th of July weekend here and I am not going anywhere. I decided to stay home and get some rest. Have been very tired and schedule an appointment with my doctor to check on my vitamin D level, for some reason S15 and I have this disposition of spending it all and reach some zero levels sometimes. Go figure!

Well, will start on some bacon and sausage, eggs and pancakes for brunch and then have meatballs, Italian sausage, pasta, great cheese, garlic bread and my homemade tomato sauce for dinner. Oh well, don't blame me for the taste, I have more Italian blood on me then any other.

Last night I closed my eyes before falling sleep and went to that mountain you told me. I checked that online and it is a gorgeous place. Hope some day, we can meet over there in our cyber world.

Take care RD, life is hard and it is the one thing that makes it worth to fight for.

With lots of love,
From your Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Pink17 #2584996 07/05/15 09:19 PM
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Hi Pink. I understand completely what you mean by being vulnerable I must admit that I have fallen for you and do think had me met 25 years ago we would have been very very good friends I see a lot of the same type of thinking and sense of adventure. Hearing that you look like Selma means you where and are out of my league. I look like Brian ferry but shorter with a limp and grey hair. Ian very charming though !!!!!!!


The young lady thing is not for me. It was faltering to get the offer but not for me

My son has more sense than mean and rides with caution I have many scars from a lot of crashes Road and motorcross and I have drilled it in to him to be very careful
I

I rode over a glendalough yesterday and it was fantastic The sun was beating down and the road was empty and life was good

My kids are mostly ok EXW sees them most days and we have a great bond so I think they will be ok. They all see EXW is not happy and the girls believe she will be home one day. I try to keep that hope alive for them as I think it's important for them The boys are abit more realistic and hold more of a grudge I do tell them all how much their mum loves them because I thinks it's important that they know that

I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing sometimes The kids need their mum and maybe if I left and let her come home it might help her through her issues I don't intend doing this but I do wonder

No girlfriends or boyfriends at the moment and I hope it stay that way especially my princess"s. !!!!!

I'm very down at the moment as I see a long a difficult future for my family. EXW is depressed and talks of hormone imbalance and menopause She talks of how sad she is and how she doesn't know what she is doing. It's tough to hear and I realise that this is her problem and only she can resolve it or want to resolve it

EXW was here yesterday and we went to police station to sort youngest two kids passports. I went in my car with S16 and EXW went in hers with D11. I asked EXW to drop S16 home as I had a few things to do in the next town. EXW said no problem and then asked what I was going to do. I appreciate this was t a big thing normally but it just annoys me as we live apart and I wouldn't dream of asking her anything about her life

I got home just before she left the house and she looked really down. I gave her a hug and she clung on to me for about 30 seconds and asked me mid hug if I was ok. I said Iwas fine and she said are you sure I answered that I was ok but did miss her. EXW burst into tears and said I shouldn't say that as it made her very upset. She let go and got a tissue and I started to leave the room. As I was leaving she said sorry for crying all the time I answered. I was sorry for saying that and she started crying again. I'm not sure if she thought I was joking about missing her or if she just got upset. I do know it doesn't really matter

Today EXW texted about 6pm and asked where kids ok as she had text them several times but they had not answered. I responded all ok

EXW off to see doctor tomorrow and I think she hopes to get anti depressants We shall see

Pink holiday to lanzarote is booked for middle of September Kids very excited and it's something to look forward to. D14 very good at Spanish so we will be relying on her for translation.

Thanks for posting lovely Pink. I do look forward to hearing from you and I have a strange feeling that blast a cross Glendalough might still happen !!

As you posted its for a good reason we cannot make contact in the real world BUT maybe Cadet will make an exception this once ??????

Take care and please try and relax back from what your H is doing now because I would hate to see you give up on him to soon. Your choice of course but I know if I was him I would want every chance before it was too late

Hugs and kisses to my favourite Slema look alike. Rd

rd500 #2585223 07/06/15 07:23 PM
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Hi all. Just a quick post to say W went to doctors today and was diagnosed as depressed She's on Prozac for the next 6 months so I hope that will help her sort her life out. Not sure what it means for an R with me but still.


Take care. Rd

rd500 #2585325 07/06/15 09:35 PM
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RD

It's a start for WW.

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2585336 07/06/15 10:22 PM
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Hi RD,

This is very good news, it seems that she is trying to help herself now. Just keep in mind that the meds take some time to kick in and work properly to help her.

You may see even more depression before it start getting better. But, the important thing is that she will certainly take the edge away.

Many depression medication have a suicidal side effect, so I would advise you to keep an eye on her to make sure things won't go to a different direction. By the way, do you know if she is still doing drugs? That can also compromise the effect of the anti depressant.

Be patient with her and try to support her during this time. I think you are doing good letting her know she is not alone and that she knows you will be there for her.

Of course you are DBing, so you are not just out there with your arms open waiting for the next pain, but a good friend in the distance will make her feel more secure.

RD, life is hard and this time for us is even harder. But, in some ways it is hard for the WAS too. I think you and your W have a chance, it may take time, but there is a chance your family will be complete again.

Hope everything works out well. By the way, I am not Salma going to the Red Carpet, I am an average lady, getting old too. I am more like Salma waking up in the morning without any makeup on. My kids said that with age I will look just like Red from Orange is the new Black. Please, don't think that I am this angelical princess because I am not.

Have a good night. May tomorrow be filled with hope for you and your family.

With Love,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Pink17 #2585351 07/06/15 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted By: Pink17
This is very good news, it seems that she is trying to help herself now. Just keep in mind that the meds take some time to kick in and work properly to help her.

You may see even more depression before it start getting better. But, the important thing is that she will certainly take the edge away.
Hi Rd,

First time I've checked in on you in a few days. I agree with Dear V and Pink17...it is a start.

Hang in there, mate, and keep moving forward. I know you CAN do this.

I will dedicate a prayer to you and your W as soon as I post this.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2585372 07/06/15 11:30 PM
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RD, not surprised by the diagnoses, and maybe this will help her pull herself together. It's what you both need.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2585387 07/07/15 12:24 AM
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RD

I am more than thrilled to be an 'aunt' to your loving family.

Thrilled to pieces.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2585398 07/07/15 12:48 AM
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Hi Vanillia. Pink. Bob. Sunny and thanks.

Vanillia. I hope this helps ber back on track with her life. Your are hereby adopted My kids are the winners here

Pink. Thank you for everything. And I really don't care what you look like It's what's inside that matters. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't hurt you resemble Selma !!! !!

Bob. Thank you and I appreciate you always kind words

Sunny It a step in the right direction for sure. Thanks for keeping up on my sitch

Take care all. Rd

rd500 #2585516 07/07/15 08:54 AM
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Hi RD,

I'm really pleased your W is getting some help at last. Im not one for taking medication but I've also never seen the point of not taking help when it's offered. Hopefully its the first step in her road to recover, and as the saying goes 'every journey starts with a first step'.

Whatever it means for you and your situation, its good for your kids and just on a pure human level noone should be struggling like your W has been.

Just going back a post or two, personally I think you were OK to say you miss her and I don't think you should apologise for it. You didn't say it to make her feel bad, you said what you genuinely felt and you shouldn't have to apologise for your feelings.

Think of it as keeping the path smooth and well lit.

Sounding good about the bike rides, more RD GAL please!!!!

And I'm sure lanzarote will be awesome. I liked the volcano park but then I love that sort of thing.

Have a good day smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2585518 07/07/15 09:37 AM
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hi Jim , thanks for posting mate, I really pleased that she is getting some help. I kmow we can only believe so much of what they say but EXW has seemed really lost and very unhappy.

I don't know what it will mean for her but I hope she gets some peace and is able to see what she is doing in regards to her own life. If she wants to go down any road with her life , I would hope she choses with a clear mind.

The volcanos sound great and we are staying next to a water park so that should be awesome as well

The bike is always fun and takes you away from the sitch for a while.


Take care Rd

rd500 #2585704 07/07/15 08:36 PM
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Hi RD, I was pleased to see that your W has accepted some help. It is a good step that she has acknowledged she feels pretty rotten AND has done something about it too. I feel that for ages she has saying how low she feels, but hasn't managed to do anything positive in terms of moving towards a place of greater happiness.

Hopefully the ADs will help her move towards this....

Take care RD.....xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2586101 07/08/15 08:50 PM
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Hi RD,

Just checking, hope everything is OK. Feel kind of very down today. I guess that is the way the roller coaster works for all of us in this forum.

Hope you're feeling better.
Pink


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Pink17 #2586158 07/08/15 10:44 PM
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Hi Pink. I m sorry to hear your down. It's very hard to keep PMA all the time. You are only human and at each step it takes its toll.

I can only remind you how lucky you are with your boys , your family and your job

H was a huge part of your life and my heart tells me he will be again it's just going to take time

Take each day as it comes and turn up tomorrow looking all " selma " and show H what he's losing

Take care. Rd. xx

rd500 #2586182 07/08/15 11:53 PM
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Just checking in on my virtual family.

I have some UK 'rock' from the seaside to send over.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 07/08/15 11:53 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2586185 07/08/15 11:57 PM
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Hi Rd,

I just wanted to stop by and inform you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have not forgotten about you! I haven’t been online too much lately and I’m trying to catch up on your situation.

Please keep a PMA, don’t give up and keep moving forward. I have your back mate. cool

Your friend,

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2586981 07/11/15 01:31 AM
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Hi lovely RD,

How is everything going? Hope your W is getting better, taking the edge away may be helpful for her to see what is really going on in her life.

Hope you and the kids are doing well, hanging in there.

My life is changing again, my D settlement was finalized yesterday. We had a long and painful meeting w/the Mediator, but we decided on every single detail.

I hope I can really and truly detach now. Follow my own path and decide what I will do next. I think it will be a good time to put life in perspective, job, security, money, get rid of some stuff, organize and take time to laugh a little bit.

My kids gave me a huge support yesterday, what shows that H is out but we still hold a family. This morning I had them checking on me to see if I was OK to go to work. Very sweet.

Time is what I need now, time to heal, time for myself, time to enjoy the years I have left beside my boys, time to forgive and forget and have a clean soul to start over.

About love... I may love one day, for now I want to stay away from any kind of R. It would be a disaster and a big mistake.

Well, hope you have a nice weekend with your kiddos,
Love and hugs to you all,
Pink


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Pink17 #2586982 07/11/15 01:43 AM
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That's beautifully written Pink, truly inspiring.

May the peace you seek find you and settle into your life as a replacement for what you have lost. It sounds like both your soul and family are in amazing hands.

Big hug to you,

PP


M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
PigPen #2587026 07/11/15 06:56 AM
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Thanks PP, my words are beautiful because I write to RD like we know each other.

I feel we have very similar lives since we are the ones holding all together for our kids, for our family. Besides having partners that are always crying and saying how miserable they are and yet they do not want us in their lives anymore.

Yes, the amazing hands is holding us tight right now, we are blessed that we have these hands to make us believe tomorrow will be a better day.

Life is a great prize and we need to make the most to honor what was given to us...

Big hug to you too.
Pink


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Pink17 #2587345 07/13/15 01:27 AM
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But our lovely special RD is silent on us......

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2587367 07/13/15 03:03 AM
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Hey RD, what's up?

Pink


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Pink17 #2587577 07/13/15 07:16 PM
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Hi lovely RD, I'm just dropping in to see how you are doing my friend. You've been all quiet these past few days I notice. Hopefully you have been doing some nice things over the weekend.

Let us know how you are getting along when you get chance....

T xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2588513 07/16/15 07:13 AM
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Thank you for your beautiful post on my thread RD.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2589563 07/19/15 08:51 AM
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Hey RD, where is the update? Hope things are better...

Love and hugs,
Pink


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Pink17 #2589616 07/19/15 04:19 PM
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Hello RD,

I haven’t been on the board much this week, so I’m sorry if it seems like a life-time ago that I checked in with you.

Thank you so much for the extra support you have given me recently, it has helped so much. I love you like a brother.

What is new with you? Any fun GAL lately? I hope so!

Thinking about you and praying for you, too.

Your buddy,

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2589621 07/19/15 04:53 PM
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Hi RD, just dropping in to say Hi....hope you and those lovely kids are having a great weekend. It would be great to get an update when you get chance lovely RD...

How is your W doing since she started with her ADs? How are your interactions with her lately? Any movement at all in your sitch? What lovely GAL plans do you have??

Look forward to hearing from you my friend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2589639 07/19/15 06:41 PM
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Hi Pink and Toots thank you both for checking in

Usual stuff at home kids and I have been walking most nights as the weather has been so nice We went to see Arnie strut his stuff last night in the new terminator and I toom D11 shopping earlier for presents for her besties birthday tomorrow

This afternoon we went to an airshow about 2 hours away and that was good fun.

Back home now and D's are making sausage balls and pasta and I'm making mash , carrots and fish fingers for myself and S20.

I think I have another 10 people living in the house at the moment with all the washing I'm doing !!!!! Maybe the neighbours are dropping theirs off without me knowing !

Life is ok at the moment , I m still sad over my sitch because it seems EXW is still torn but maybe I've got it wrong

On the beach today watching the Swiss air jets doing their thing it was hard to see all the couples with their kids SIGH

Not much contact with EXW She did phone me on Weds and was asking for some advice. The conv got on to the problems in the past and EXW told me the place we find ourselves in now is both our faults Invalidated but also said there was no point dwelling on the past EXW went on to say that anything was possible in the future and she did not know how it would go. Again I validated this but didn't dwell We have moved S16 into our spare room from the room his always shared with S20. The spare room was where EXW slept sometimes. We are converting the office downstairs back to a single bedroom. During call EXW asking why and I told her it was for her , she thanked me and I said no problem as it was only a matter of time until she came home I said this in a happy home and not too serious. EXW said she could not fit all her clothes in that room and I answered she would be back in my bedroom soon after she came home so no prob re her clothes. EXW laughed and said I was dreaming ! I answered no reason to ruin my dreams and she said she thought we were only joking. I laughed and changed the subject

I went out for the day yesterday and normally I would be here when EXW drops D11 home and stays for a few hours EXW called me twice , I did not answer and the. She text me to say she had worked the cats.

D14 had a chat with EXW in Thursday and EXW told her she was being called ugly by someone , D14 asked who but EXW would not say.

EXW does seem somewhat happier generally so maybe anti Ds are have some effect

Thanks again for checking in ladies Have a good evening Take care. Rd. xx

rd500 #2589697 07/20/15 01:45 AM
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RD, nice that your W seems to be doing better. She was in a dark place before.

Now we can get back to RD. You are still sad, you are joking about her coming home, but not really. If she said tomorrow she wanted to move back, you'd take her. Am I correct my dear? Theres no wrong answer here.

You have been S just a month more than I have, but you've been through a lot of drama. It's got to be exhausting. When do you start to take care of you RD?



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2589765 07/20/15 08:27 AM
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Hi RD,

glad to see you updating and as always it sounds like you are doing a great job creating a warm family home for you and your kids.

And that seems really positive news about your W, hopefully the Anti-Ds are having some positive affect and she can start the climb out.

I hope wherever you went on saturday(?) was good fun and RD centric.

Sunny has already picked up on it but joking about her coming home is something to be slightly cautious of but you know the tone you used and are better placed to judge how it came across, just something to be aware of.

I possibly shouldn't ask this but i'm interested to know. how are feeling with regard to OM (or whatever he is)? This was a real source of bother for you and you seem to be hinting toward it but at the same time talking about it less, which on the face of things is good but im interested to know if its just the face of it.

Take care RD smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2589771 07/20/15 09:59 AM
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Hi Sunny and Jim

Sunny. I would love to have EXW come home. The problem I see is more to do with me than her. EXW has made a few overtures about coming home which I see as temp checking I do appreciate that she has left her kids and no matter what that has to hurt. She comes into the home most days and cooks and cleans and then goes off to her other life. I'm not sure I could ever move past how' she's dealt with the situation and can't see how I could move on.


Jim. Saturday was spent looking at range rovers but most were out of my price range. Re OM , I don't let myself dwell. I do think about it and it hurts but it is what is is. EXW is still denying an R but only she knows for sure

It is on the face of it 50% of the time

I am going to write a post later to sum up I hope you get time to read it and let me know your thoughts


Thanks for posting. Take care. Rd

Bob723 #2590054 07/21/15 12:53 AM
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RD

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2590146 07/21/15 07:33 AM
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"I'm not sure I could ever move past how' she's dealt with the situation and can't see how I could move on."

Hi RD, I can understand you feeling this way - I feel that way myself sometimes. But the fact is people do deal with the situation and move on - whether apart or together.

I think the healing from what has happened is the most important thing in terms of our lives going forward. Getting to a place of peace about what has happened has such a bearing on our future happiness and wellbeing.

Pleased your W is feeling somewhat better. Hope you have a great day xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2590352 07/21/15 10:37 PM
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I get it too RD, and the detachment will make this easier for you. I have always felt RD needs more space for himself and some adult GAL.

I seem to follow Toots and agree. The question is how to heal and as an adopted aunt I would love to see some more time for RD for himself.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2591247 07/24/15 09:23 PM
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Hi RD,

What can I say...when myself is going through so much challenges right now.

I totally get what is happening to you. Your heart aches because she did and is doing all this crazy stuff to you. Your heart aches even more because she did and is doing it all to your kids.

In the same time your heart aches because it is a person you were sharing life and the most intimate talks, feelings. A R with so many years and so many kids is a naked R. And now it is all gone and destroyed.

By one hand you feel bad about what is happening and just want to be away from her and try your best to deal with the new reality you have.

By other hand you keep seeing this person miserable, destroying herself, crying every day and building up a high level of depression. You are the one that can see all this, but you are also the one that does not have any control to make things better.

So, it leaves us like some vitamin shake, it's all mixed up together, It's not bad for us, it feeds us to make ourselves better.

I understand the whole GAL just for RD that is not happening. Take Jim's situation for example, his wife is with OM and seems to be OK for now. In our situation it is always dealing with the crying, I'm unhappy, lost, I want to die, pure depression syndrome.

In the same time you know your kids, and you know that they are going through a horrible pain, that they need to cope with the destruction without even being asked if it is what they want.

So, most of the time it is easier and more enjoyable to share time and fun with the kids. It somehow fulfill our hearts with peace. We are family people and we do family stuff.

So I totally get what RD is doing. Now, RD can do some small stuff for himself. Tell us if you got a new shirt, new sunglasses. Tell us if you exercise and what it was. Tell us if you had a beer with a friend, just to chat. Tell us if you punched the pillow, if you cried.

We want to know more to learn what RD is doing to keep himself healthy, positive, content, hopeful.

I admire and love you with all my heart RD. You are an awesome person and a wonderful dad.

Pink


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Pink17 #2591645 07/26/15 09:21 PM
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Hi RD,

you promised a fuller update....................

I'm hoping the delay is because you've been off doing lots of GAL for RD

Pay attention to the wise ladies that are posting to you, Pinks last post in particular has a lot of good points

Take care RD


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2591657 07/26/15 10:22 PM
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Hi all. Just an update. Last week has been busy enough with work couple of postitive things so pleased with that We warehouse for a company and one of the lads left after 10'years so S20 and I went out Friday for his farewell drink. Had a good time and S20 got a bit drunk so it was very amusing !! !

I have completey changed my wardrobe over the last 6 months. I dress a lot smarter than before and normally buy a few shirts , etc every week. It does make you feel better and it's nice to shop !!

I'm ordering a new crash helmet this week and can't decided to buy off the shelf or have it sprayed the same as my current one. It a real treat for me and I'm like a kid in a candy store My current design is Red Bull with the yellow Yamaha speed blocks along the side Very fetching !!

Not much on the EXW front. She called me on Wednesday and was very ill. She had a migraine and was throwing up EXW started telling me she was losing weight again and hadnt eaten for three days. She said she was losing weight and was forcing herself to eat. We spoke for about 20 mins and she called me again about an hour later about something very travail

I got home that night and EXW was still in the home When I saw her she was crying and I gave her a hug She said she was just feeling really ill and just run down. I did notice she was wearing one of my hoodies which she wore home

On Thursday I went to L/C who was quite upset over EXW and is very worried about her. She feels EXW needs more time with an l/c or I/C to help her sort out her life. L/C has offered to see EXW without charge and asked me to pass that on to EXW. L/C has asked me to stand for M and recognise EXW is going through a very tough time and lost

I was out Saturday when EXW brought D11 home and I didn't hear from her.

This morning EXW called into house on her way to work. D's had come into my bed about 3 am and EXW came into my room to see them mshe hugged D11 but D14 was fast asleep I explained to EXW that we had been bowling last night then we watched the new avengers movie so we didn't get to bed till around 1am

EXW looked a little sad so I jokingly put my arms out for a hug. EXW came around to my side of the bed and hugged me. When she let go she had tears pouring down her face. She left soon after

She called in after work for 5 mins but we only spoke for a few seconds

EXW is obviously very down but who knows what's really causing it. I don't dwell and overall my life is good. S16 and I went to warehouse to collect a truck because I have a delivery first thing tomorrow We had a good laugh and now I'm lying on sofa with D11 watching War Pigs with D14 across from us.

I'm more relaxed and I am reading a lot of heart ache on the board at the moment

I really appreciate you all talking time to check on me. I'm very lucky compared to lots of people on this board and I do realise that

Thanks and take care. Rd

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Hi RD,

You sound really positive in your post though i'll admit I'm struggling to picture red bull with yamaha blocks. Kid in a candy store is always good though - I'm having similar issues picking a holiday.

It always sounds like you've got great support from L/C which is a very good thing and i really hope your W takes up the offer of the same support.

She is very lost but that is what gives me hope for you because lost can be found, it just might not be soon. So RD centric GAL in the meantime.

It is worth saying though that you really come across as a good man and a great Dad.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2591678 07/26/15 11:53 PM
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Hi RD. it's slightly disappointing to hear W is still a crying mess, I was hoping she was on an upswing. Out of all the WAS here I really feel for her, she just seems miserable. But, as Jim said, you seem positive and I'm really happy about that. Hang in there, continue to be the good dad you are, and please do something that gets your blood flowing RD. You deserve it.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2591743 07/27/15 07:15 AM
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Hey RD, thanks for posting an update. Wow, your W sounds pretty low just now - I'm sorry to hear that. I feel for her, I truly do. As a LBS, who certainly didn't chose this path - it helps me see that I am in a much better place than she is. As are you RD.

In fact, you are sounding really good right now and I'm pleased to read that. I truly hope that your W takes up the free support offered and starts to turn things around for herself.

Take care RD xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2592268 07/28/15 08:36 PM
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RD if you want cheer then visit Dawns thread, some real great happiness going on.

I see some shift in some sitches just recently, and I ponder on Edz and OD and hope there is happiness there too.

RD, you are an amazing dad and I truly wish xWW would wake up to herself. Duh!

Cant quite picture RD in a new shirt and crazy crash helmet, I hope you take the helmet off before bed time RD. I personally think Pink and Vanilla are the in colours for a crash helmet!

But what would I know

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi Lovely,

V is right RD, the colors are a nice treat. Even saying so it's a contradiction of what I did many years ago.

My helmet was a Honda Formula one design crash helmet and it was all black, like a robot. No shining parts and a dark visor.

At night, if I was going for a bike ride I always wore my big black boots, my leather pants and jacket (tight, bike style, full of zippers), black long gloves and my black helmet.

Sometimes it's best to just be invisible. And if you are a girl on the street those late hours, it's even better.

My bike was a Blue Honda CB 500 - not much, I did not have much money to put in a bike since I needed a car as well. But my mechanic transformed my bike into a heavy duty dirt bike because I did a lot of highway to go to work.

I also had a tall visor because highway debris. Like what the police have in their bikes. The bike was short enough for me to manage my way among and between cars. In Brasil, there is no bike space as we have in USA. There you need to ride a bike in between all cars and trucks, highway or not.

So, with a short and heavy bike I could manage to use my knees and legs and don't fall.

S17 is wanting a bike, I fear...but in the same time I feel I can't just take his time away. We will be looking into that once I get out of my mess.

And remember, I was not too crazy all the time because I never hold a license to ride a bike. So, always on the police good side. Oh well, almost always.

Love to you my lovely RD, miss chatting, dreaming.
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Pink17 #2592598 07/29/15 08:38 PM
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Hi Pink. Great to hear from you Love the vision of you all in black with the black visor !!! I bet you looked menacing !

Nearly all my bikes when I was young were in Pepsi colours I rode Suzuki GSXR"s and RG's. My hero was a rider called Kevin Schwantz and I wore his replica crash helmet If you google Pepsi Suzuki RG500 That's my bike back in the day !!!

In London there was a great motorbike scene and every weekend was fantastic with a lot of high speed antics You would have loved it.

When I raced motocross I always wore a Pink / bright orange crash helmet !!! and still have one

The bikes are very dangerous and S17 needs to get professional training and
NOT from Pink ! !!!

My GF before EXW was into bikes but if I every needed a night alone all I had to do was pull a third gear wheelie and she would demand I take her home !!!
I don't think she ever realised what j was doing for the three years we were together !!!


My S20 has been riding since he was 2 and riding in the road since he was 16. He's very safe and I've kept him on smaller engines so he gets some sense

I will post on your thread shortly and again great to hear from you.

Take care Pink. Rd. xx

rd500 #2593473 08/01/15 07:46 PM
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Hi all. Just an update.

Work is going well. Got a good bit of cash in and the company account looked really healthy for about 2 hours until I started writing cheques !!! S20 is getting really good on the forklift which is excellent but as we deal with some expensive equipment its a little worrying to watch him sometimes

Home is busy and we have been watching films and playing plenty of games this week we've been bowling , spent an evening playing air hockey in a local arcade and taking walks

Kids have been mixed this week , S20 is still tired and S16'has been quite sad but seems to have cheered after the weeks fun

D11 is down and clearly missing her mum. She spent last night at her mums and seems abit happier.

D14 had become zen like and has taken to predicting the future !!!!! She has been telling me that EXW has changed back into 'old mummy ' Since EXW left
The kids have been calling her ' new mummy' because she was short tempered and less caring D14 has been telling me that EXW will be home within the next 6 months. I have been listening and last Tuesday D14'and EXW chatting on the phone and D14' was telling EXW that she was suffering with ladies problems EXW told her that she wanted to be there for D14 and wished she could just come home

Next day D14 asked EXW what she meant and EXW said she wanting to come home but couldn't at the moment because EXW and I weren't getting on

EXW called me and said she felt the anti Ds were working and she wished she had taken them 2 years ago I just validated and told EXW that the past was the last EXW was here today and hugged me twice and showed me pictures of D11s fourth birthday party that she had found The pictures were of us all laughing and having a great time I thank EXW for showing me and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She started to tear up so I made a joke and we carried on chatting. EXW was very chatty today and seemed pleased to be around me

Just finished hot dogs and chips with kids and sitting down chilling with my two beautiful Ds. We will watch a film tonight and relax

My life is good. I have a great family around me and I have no doubt I will be happy again I'm really grateful to all my friends on here because I have people who are advising me for me. No agenda and from the best place possible because you have all felt the pain.

I do realise that I'm very lucky compared to a lot of posters and I appreciate all I have.

Pink is a life saver for me and her wonderful posts bring huge smiles and lots of day dreaming !!

Toots is like a beacon for GAL and making a new life. Her posts always make me think and I find myself re reading them to get every nuance

Vanilia is like a sister who only wants the best for you and is wise beyond her years She can posts 4 words but they can say what I would take 4 paragraphs to say I look forward to her advice always

Jim. Is incredible with words and his searching questions can take me back abit and make me examine what I say as opposed to how I really feel

Sunny is always supportive and again her questions can make me really think

Lots of others post and I value everyone views and advice This forum has really helped me through this ordeal and made me realise how to improve and rethink how I dealt with things in my life. I don't lost as often because I'm at the point where EXW doesn't really influence me as she once did. I see people on here looking at every word or mind reading how the WAS is behaving every second and driving themselves nuts

I have learnt actions are all that matter. EXW has said plenty and talks of coming home but it all means nothing without actions

If any newbies are reading this , try your best to relax back from second guessing everything that your WAS is doing It took along time for them to decide to do what they are doing and you will not sort your problems quickly either. Take care of you and accept that you cannot control anyone but you. Accept that and you have taken a huge step in the right direction

Sorry for going on but I think D14s Zen is spreading !!!!

Take care all. Rd

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Beautiful post RD.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2593484 08/01/15 08:40 PM
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RD, I'm pleased to hear you sounding so positive - Zen-like indeed! I'm glad to hear the ADs are helping your W, and it sounds as though she is there more for the kids too.

I find it funny that she says she would like to move home, but you guys aren't getting along. I can't think of any point recently that has been anything other than pleasant. Plus, it's like she says that, but doesn't do anything useful about it - ah, WAS's....

Great that you are in a good place yourself though...that's the main thing!!!

Have a great weekend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Thanks Sunny. Thank you for always being there. Your recent strength is lovely to read Your H , like so many on here , is losing a great person and will regret his choices.

Have a great weekend. Rd xx

rd500 #2593616 08/02/15 01:57 PM
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Thank you for the shout out. Loving the family stuff and I just really enjoy hearing about the kids.


V

Last edited by Vanilla; 08/02/15 01:58 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2593638 08/02/15 04:53 PM
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Thanks Vanilkia and Toots. Toots , her actual words to D14 were ' I want to come home but things are too akward between me and Daddy at the moment "

I'm not saying it makes much difference but those were the words

Vanillia , you have been great to get to know and I look forward to all you posts


Take care. Rd

rd500 #2593704 08/02/15 09:40 PM
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Hi RD,

Your sounding pretty good and I like your D's confidence. You've posted a few times that your W has said something to the affect of wanting to come home but can't. As you've said before at the moment its stars which are interesting to look at but not something to give too much attention to.

The Anti-Ds are a definite action though and i'm pleased they seem to be beneficial to your W. her being more stable and more happy has got to be good for her and as a consequence good for your kids.

From what I read of your situation as it is the Edz approach would probably serve you well (I wonder how hes doing??) in just giving her lots of space and validating, which actually it seems thats what your doing anyway. Its at least clear that she hasnt rewritten all the good out of your history together.

Just out of curiosity, does your W ever ask about you and what you've been doing?

and thanks for the compliment - I've always thought i was bit clumsy with words so it was a nice thing to read.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Hi Jim EXW always asks about me and my life She constantly asks about my kidney and appointments to the hospital.

Today she called in after 5 mins after work and showed me a new sofa that she thought might suit our house.

Yesterday she was showing me funny emails between herself and her brother

It's very hard to put I to words but it's like she is always trying to be part of my life but at the same time not.

D14 is a tonic She is a very bright girl and her positivity is amazing She also told me that she is happy enough in life and would be fine if EXW didn't want to come home

Take care. Rd

rd500 #2593780 08/03/15 01:17 AM
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Hello Mate!

Rd, I wanted to stop by and say 'hello' and catch up on your situtation. Hmmm...your EXW asking about you is rather interesting but at this point I would caution you not to get your hopes up.

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young lady and must be a shining light to you!

God bless you and your family. Hang tough, Rd.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2594100 08/04/15 01:08 AM
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Absolutely bruv, love you tons, give my proxy nephews and nieces hugs from Aunty V! And even a tiny one to WW.

What is the film choice this week?

Hugs to you on this Irish bank hols

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 08/04/15 01:09 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2594988 08/06/15 01:04 PM
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Hi all. Just seen a few people posted so thanks for that

Hi Bob. Glad your doing well Thanks for checking in

Vanillia. Few films this week. We watched Ultra Violet the other evening and I was reminded of your self !!! Kick @ss lady who was taking no cr@p !!!

We been watching the Resident Evil films the last while !!!

D14 not feeling the best so we've not been walking for a few nights She did mange bowling last Friday though. !!! A real trooper.

D14 of to see L/C today , EXW is taking her and then both Ds off to have their hair cut

S16 invested in an air hockey table for his room so we've all had great fun with that !!!

Things much the same re EXW , she still seems fragile but calls me on and off. Not as much interaction as before but I presume thats normal and things will get quieter as time goes on.

I'll post later after I see how EXW gets on with L/C

Take care Rd

rd500 #2595248 08/06/15 10:28 PM
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Seriously, resident evil? We may need to do something about your taste in films....

Hopefully EXW appointment went well.

It seems really clear that she still wants you as part of her life but I'm guessing at the moment she doesn't see how that might work. As she explores some if this I'd expect a wide variety of levels of contact, better probably to expect nothing.

Take care RD.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2595352 08/07/15 09:00 AM
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Whoa whoa whoa, Resident Evil is before its time, it will be classed as a cinematic classic in years to come !!!!!

Milla's portrayal of an attractive, sucessful woman in a man's world who then had her world ripped away from her but she over comes the obstacles, of gender, sexism , oppression, stereo typing, violence, racism and loss and once again triumphs is heart warming.

Her depth and sublte nuances in voice and hair flicking can only be compared to Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca or Katharine Hepburn in Bringing up Baby but while both those ladies did bring a certain something to their roles I think , in time, people will agree the Milla brought a certain Eastern European edge to the role that only she could !!!!

I think it was best said by Ocsar Wilde in one of his more witty moments ( of which he had far fewer than many might think) he said, Resident Evil Rocks !!!!

I truely believe had Shakespere realised his full potential and not become stuck in his soap opera period, he may have become close to a script depicting real tragedy and betrayal that some of his earlier work hinted to, just like Resident. (sorry Vanillia)

While I think we have all learnt on this board to become more tolerant of others and respect how people percieve things as their reality , in this case you are wrong Jim !!!!

I invite you to revisit the films with a more informed attitude while leaving preconceptions at the door and embracing the films for their heart warming tales of adversity, overcome, of friendships formed and ripped apart but still treasured, of love and hate and how a simple thing like zombieism can blur the line between the two. Of how a stunningly beautiful woman can go from very attractive to incredibly attractive in a slightly torn outfit while killing zombies !!

I think I have amused myself more than I will amuse others with the above. Sorry about that.

take care Rd

rd500 #2595493 08/07/15 06:01 PM
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It's still no 'mega-shark versus giant octopus'


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2595626 08/07/15 11:43 PM
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Now my maggots are really scared.

As Scooby Doo says " there is a thin line between crazy and insane and I passed that line a long time ago".

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2595630 08/07/15 11:50 PM
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Only Lady V can drop quotes from Scooby Doo.

I am in awe yet again!

In awe,

PP


M 39 W 36
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BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
PigPen #2595816 08/08/15 10:35 PM
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Hi Vanillia and Jim. , Jim you are obviously well educated , well read and a caring soul. Your choice of films however leave a lot t be desired !!

Vanillia , while I would never argue with your knowledge of Shakespere, I will argue with your mis quoting Mr Doo !!!!

I was at one of his speechs back n 1998 and he felt that after playing the Scooby Doo character for so long he was type cast and that's why his portrayal of Neil Armstrong in , a man , a mission never achieved the accolades it deserved !!!

While I found Mr Doos Henry the eighth to be full and a little dark , the reviews of many a critic pointed out that Scooby didn't get across the total self absorption of Henry , I felt that the scene in which Henry ( Scooby ) demands more Scooby snacks , while knowing that the Hampton court kitchen are out , really portrayed Henry's lack of acceptance of the real world and the reallity of ' normal people ' and our acceptance of real world problems.

Mr Doo went on in his talk to say while he stayed friends with most of the cast of of Scooby Doo he felt that his on screen friendship with shaggy strayed into more of an owner / pet dynamic than was foreseen by the writers He also said that Shaggy was a real life pot head who couldn't seperate his on screen persona from his real life as a former navel commander in the us navy.

Again , I am unable to argue the works of Will with your but on the subject of Scooby Doo or Yogi the bear I think you have found your match !!!!!

So rry to be so serious but there is a time and place for levity and this forum is not such a place


Take care. Rd

rd500 #2595824 08/08/15 11:26 PM
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RD you crack me up



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2595915 08/09/15 07:55 AM
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RD please remember these deep and philosophical sayings (oft scratched on lavatory walls giving deep meaning). Ahhhh memories of youth.

“To be is to do”—Socrates.
“To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.
“"The way to do is to be"--Lao-Tse
"The way to be is to do"—Dale Carnegie
"To do is to be” and "to be is to do" Socrates and Camus
"What is to be done?"—Lenin
"To be or not to be"-- Shakespeare
"Just do it" Nike
"Yabba dabba doo” — Fred Flinstone
“Dabba dabba doo” — Kate Bush
"Do be do be do”—Frank Sinatra.
“Scooby-doobee-doo” — Scooby Doo
“Hey-boo-boo” — Yogi Bear

Now that is Mornington Crescent. Also need to remind you that Scooby also played Henry V to great acclaim having turned down the role of Titania.

Love ya crazy loco.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 08/09/15 08:01 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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RD, you're a funny guy!! Hope you are having a great weekend, with plenty of scooby snax! xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Vanilla #2595921 08/09/15 08:36 AM
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Hi Vanillia. That Scooby played Henry V is a common misconception !!
It was actually played by Kennth Brannagh who did have more than a passing resemblance to Mr Doo especially in his younger days

I feel that Mr Doos early parts in ' the Streets of San Fransisco ' and as Lady Chatterley are often overlooked While his accent in Lady Chatterly was somewhat suspect his overall effort was remarkable for such a young actor

I do notice that you placed Mr Sinatras catch pharse close to Mr Doos and I wonder if you where aware that Scooby took his inspirationfor his catchphrase from Franks !!!!

Have a great day Vanillia

Glad to amuse you Sunny. When I first joined this board I couldn't believe that people where in a state of mind to post funny things. We all get there people , it just takes time

Take care all. Rd. xx

rd500 #2595937 08/09/15 10:48 AM
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cool
cool
cool

laugh
laugh
laugh

crazy

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2596426 08/10/15 08:32 PM
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blush shocked confused whistle

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2596427 08/10/15 08:34 PM
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Hello my lovely Irish friend. Just dropping in to say Hi and thank you for your kind post on my thread. I hope all is well with you and those lovely kids and fur balls. How did your W get on with the LC??

xoxox


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Toots. Thanks for stopping by. Always easy to be kind on your thread

EXW trip to L/C has not been discussed but I hope it helped her.

All good with kids We are watching Shooting Stars. I just made us all French stick , ham and cheese for tomorrow I made S20', bacon sandwiches and the other three savage rolls for supper. I had cornflakes with a cheeky white wine !!!

the cats are all fine and my dogs are asleep on the rug D11 has one of are cats trained like a rag doll , the minute she picks him up he collapses like he passed out! !!! He's on her lap Upside down with his head hanging down !! Cat whisper !!

Kids have said that EXW seems a lot more like thier d mum , both Ds have said this to me and D14 sees a huge difference. I hope EXW can continue on this path because it really makes both Ds really happy

Take care Toots , I will check your thread now Rd. xxxx

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Just read this back. No wine next time. Promise

rd500 #2596558 08/11/15 03:39 AM
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Hi Rd,

I’m just swinging by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there...you will make it, mate. PMA! grin

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2597591 08/13/15 11:36 PM
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Evening RD. How's things? Hopefully your W is continuing to improve from where she was.

Do you have anything exciting lined up for the weekend? Some RD centric GAL perhaps? Or at least improved film choices.....


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Hi Jim. EXW seems to be getting better re kids. I was with L/C yesterday and she told me a little of how EXW is feeling. It's seems she is very unsure of her future and has not ruled anything out. L/C feels EXW is still lost but starting to find her way back. EXW told her she isn't happy but is my sure what will make her happy. L/C did ask about OM and EXW is still saying just s friend


L/C was pleased with my detachment but dosent want me to detach to much

She feels EXW needs lots of space and time. I have no problem with as I don't see EXW and me back together

No big plans for the weekend. Bowling tonight and tomorrow I have to take out the engine from S20s bike. It blew up yesterday !!!!

Sunday , I might take kids to butterfly museum I heard about today

Nothing exciting , no Lama racing or donkey wrestling like Sotto !!!! is this your weekend with the kids Jim ?

Take care. Rd

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Rebuilding an engine sounds like quite the task. Is it something you'll do with S20?

I'm glad your EXW is doing a bit better as that must be much better for your kids. Given your posts I could well believe OM is just a friend, if only because EXW s behaviour is so at odds with what seems typical when there is an PA going on.

Either way I think L/C serves you well

No kids (and therefore no contact with kids) for me this weekend.

Have fun bowling. smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Hi Jim. It's a two stroke so not to difficult. EXW making a real effort with kids and it is good to see

L/C is fantastic and imwouldmbe lead by her. It's tough Jim because I want to stand but feel EXW has endured so much pain it would be a very difficult decision for her to try to comeback to the family. I do think she misses us a huge amount but she's chosen a path and she seems to be following it

I can't imagine how hard the no contact must be , I hope you are keeping busy

The bowling is great fun and two of the kids have the sides up so sometimes I have to actual try , to beat them

Thanks for the support Jim Take care. Rd

rd500 #2598800 08/17/15 09:12 PM
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I see you about the board and I hope your life is peaceful, dearest brother.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi RD,

I am glad that life has some normality to it and the kids can have a feeling of security. It may not be noticeable right now but all the hard work to support all your kids needs now, will pay back with interest when you finally see them as healthy adults conquering their lives.

I am glad that the pills are working for your W. It's said that for each year of M, there will be a month of separation, so time is going by and she may be getting a little less frustrated and a lot more in touch with her real self. Not mentioning that she may be feeling a bit calmer these days.

Love Resident Evil, and I think that Milla is divine, she is gorgeous. Did you guys see the series "Walking Dead" ? Very cool with the whole zombie stuff. Even better because their worst enemy are normal people.

Love the dinner arrangements, you seem like you love to cook RD, is that right? I don't, really, really don't like to cook. I can eat anything that does not need much preparation. The funny thing is that it is much healthier.

So, what helmet did you get? And why S20's engine blow up? Did he push it too hard?

A big hug from us to you all.
Love
Pink


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Vanilla #2598829 08/17/15 09:58 PM
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Hi. vanillia. Just thinking of you I've just got into baby tomatoes with a glass of wine. I've been reading your posts re diet and I'm delighted to see health is becoming forefront in your world I know finns are always a issue at the moment but without the old health all else is un important

I'm not to good a the moment in my sitch but I have a great life otherwise. I made payment on the holiday today so myself and the three youngest are off to ( hopefully ) sunny lanzarote at the end of next month. Been busy getting school books etc ready for the three musketeers to head back to school Last months figures for the business wernt to bad so we can all eat for another month !!!

EXW has been calling and when Iin the home she seeks out my company but it's 10 months since she left and no change. She certainly isn't getting on with her own life as you would expect but at the same time maybe she's content with how things are.

Thinking about my own future and I would struggle to see EXW back in the home
I know things can change so I will not speak in absolutes

Thanks for checking in Sis. Take care and stick to the diet plan Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2598981 08/18/15 07:31 AM
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Morning RD. How did the engine repair go?

I always find it interesting to see what different people find easy and are quite casual about - I wouldn't have a clue where to start with an engine rebuild, two stroke or not.

Why do you say not too good in your sitch? And why do you struggle to EXW back in the home (although this is getting ahead of where you are at)?

I'm just curious really to know where your thinking is at.

Despite that it's good you can see the positives in your life and Lanzarote should be a really good trip.

Have a good day RD


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2599003 08/18/15 11:29 AM
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Hi Jim. One of the piston rings caught the exhaust port and scored the barrel

Simple enough repair but means I need to get the barrel re lined so that's the only real issue

Two strokes very simple Jim and it's like most things once you've done it once !!!!

I'm big in to cars and bikes and love working on them. My garage is fully equipped and I have a bike ramp so I'm all set

The EXW thing is hard to explain. I see all the sitchs on here and mine seems a little different.

When EXW left I got the ILYBNILWY line but I also got hat she wanted us to stay together for the rest of our lives but not intimate I refused this and it just seemed to escalate and then she found her OM. At the time she was in perimenapause and I had just had a kidney transplant that placed EXW under huge pressure

I then made plans to leave and she asked me not to go but I then found out she was spending time with OM and I asked her to leave Once she left there was very little spew and if anything she was regretful and saying that she didn't regret one minute of our life together and wished she could go back to feeling how she felt a few years ago

Since she gone she been very upset and to this day saying she is very unhappy and has been talking about suicide. She has now been diagnosed with depression and on tablets which seem to be working

I have read all the sitchs on here and it doesn't seem like there is one to similar to mine. EXW and I get on , I don't pursue or have R talks in any way I do help her if I feel I can and she comes to house most days to see kids.

I feel that if EXW had more reasons to dislike me in the start of had a new life that she maybe would come to regret our R would have had a chance in the future but from where I am it looks like she simply does not love me anymore and that's that

Sorry for the long answer Jim. Take care. Rd

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Hi Sweetie,

I think you missed my post to you, but I feel you are very upset with the standing still in your sitch.

In some ways I always felt like your situation has similarities to mine. My XH still cries to this day and says that he is very regretful for the choices he made. He says he made one mistake on top of the other and that his life is a mess and he feels very miserable.

With all said, he does not move towards rebuilding our M or even trying a new M with me. These are all words of sorrow for the wrong choices and where "his" life is at the moment.

There is no sign of how other people feel about it, it's is still all about himself.

Your W does the same, she sees the mess she did, she regrets the decisions, she even misses you a lot and the life she had before, but, and it is a big BUT, she is not willing to let go of the past and the many wounds she believes she has, and built something new.

Maybe it is fear, maybe it is selfishness, I don't know. I what I know, learned and have been learning is that sometimes we also need to be a little more selfish and let go on this torture.

I well know it is better said then done, because it hurts. But they need to taste what they are doing, and the best way is to detach and let them walk their own path.

You are doing the best you can do and to tell the truth I always think about having someone like you to share my days. A man that stand to all these adversities, is responsible with his children, keep the money flowing no matter how depressed he is, is willing to understand and learn how to be a better person, look at himself and admit he made mistakes and is capable of changing the way he deals with the outcome in the future... is a precious person.

At some point in life we have to direct the attention to ourselves and give some more value to whom we really are and demand that respect and value in our lives.

You are in a very delicate situation because you have the kids. By one hand you could ask your W to just give you some space and live her life, what maybe would give her some taste of reality and she would need to face her own choices.

By other hand you have the kids and it's important to have the mom presence there, she is good with and for them and you would be hurting their feelings if you disrupt the little interaction they have with her.

Really hard, I feel the same way sometimes. My XH still comes to the house because the boys. I need to swallow the bull frog and let go because at least my kids have a father sometimes.

I guess the only way she will see things a little different is when you start living your own life and she will be guessing what is going on with you. Once she knows she is loosing you, then maybe she will realize that you may be gone forever from her life.

How to do it? I don't know exactly. You are a very busy dad and now you are holding the horses by yourself. Time is limited and going on dates take a lot of time and energy. Besides the fact that before you start anything comes that feeling that you do not want to do this in the first place.

Maybe RD, it is time to review the sitch in a more calculated position. What is working, what doesn't. What are the cheeseless tunnels, what can be changed, how to get some different reaction from her, etc.

Would you like to start this process with us? I know your friends in this board are all getting the big D in their faces, so we may not be the right people to advise you of what will work, but storming some thoughts may give you some direction and some new ideas to make things move forward.

I am not so bad, been worse. And I still think about visiting you. I need to be careful with money, specially now, when it is all by myself and I have to pay some big tickets at tax return time next year.

RD, sweet, sweet RD, no matter how much disillusion you may feel right now, keep in mind that you are worthy of so much more in life. You are a good man that was cough up in a life situation. You surely didn't ask for your kidney problem, your wife's menopause, all the kids issues that emerge when they are growing up, keeping the business alive and growing.

It's a lot of pressure, and it is very easy to forget some details to make that romance burn the way it was burning when everyone was young. It is that trust that kept you going. Unfortunately, we come to learn that some people, like our partners, can't endure the tough times and they give up on us, M, family.

Keep your head up RD, because no matter how much pain you have now, it will be in the past soon enough and the future is in your hands to build. Like you always say to me, life will get better and you will be happy again.

I have been dealing with my pain, disillusions and the end of my M and I found you are right, I am full of life and a capable person to transform who I am and became who I want and like to be. You are still my inspiration for some much strength and I think about you often, like making dinner, buying school supplies, cleaning the garage, doing laundry.

It's amazing that I am doing all this and thinking about someone that shares the load of the hard work so far far away like Ireland. It makes me smile, it gives me hope, it makes me feel loved and cared for.

Keep moving forward no matter what comes at you RD, you will be happy tomorrow.

Love and hugs to you and your kiddos,
Pink


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Pink17 #2599090 08/18/15 04:01 PM
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Hi Pink. I did miss your post and I knew you would love Resident evil. !!!! S16 and I watch walking dead and love it !! !!!! You are the one for me and only fate kept us apart !!!!!

Thank you for the wonderful post and I really don't deserve the praise you give me. Your H is close to my EXW and we are left to pick up the pieces.

I think that it's just as well you live so far away because I would be outside your door to whisk you away if you were any closer !!!

Your H is emerging from his fog and I do believe in my heart that he will return to your life one day. You will make the choice if you let him.

I've been seeing my D's a lot more upset lately because EXW is becoming more like her old self so that's making it tougher for them to be without her

It's tough to see but nothing I can do.

Thanks again for the great post and I will check in on your thread to see how life is treating you

Take care. Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2599099 08/18/15 04:22 PM
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I did not write anything else in my thread. Have lots but did not have much time. Besides, I have been searching info about something I want to do next in my life and it is a 360 turn around for me.

I think life is calling on my bravery and adventurous spirit again and I will do some work on this to gather all info I can and then decide.

Been busy also doing a very good thing for my head. I collect most of XH's stuff from the house and he picked up some already, I am cleaning my garage (American style) and did separate a lot of H's stuff there too. Maybe a big pile and will soon ask him to pick that up too. So, getting life clean.

I still may be the one for you, we never know what future is reserving for us, soon enough our kids will be in their way to their own life and we will be like two little birds in winter.

Maybe we can live in London, there is a lot of crazies there, so we would fit in well and it is in the middle for us to visit our kids and grandkids.

Love,
Pink


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Pink17 #2599178 08/18/15 07:35 PM
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Hi Pink. If it's ok with you could we live in west London because it's close to the airport for our visits to the grand kids.

I was thinking a weekend place in the country where we would keep our touring bikes and summer cars.

Nice to dream.

Take care of yourself and those boys Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2599183 08/18/15 08:01 PM
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Don't be so sure about the "nice to dream". By my side I am free, single and with new wings ready to fly.

Besides, I don't want to get too old and scare you too much. Now it made me think...

I am a divorced woman hitting on a married man, that is not right. Maybe I need to think a little more about my behavior.

See RD, sometimes things happen as an innocent play and then things get complicated. It made me think!!!

Hugs,
Pink


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Pink17 #2599189 08/18/15 08:13 PM
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Hi Pink your not hitting on me ! I was hitting on you. Lol.

Take care. Rd xxxx

rd500 #2599198 08/18/15 08:44 PM
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Now then you two!! I'd just like to clarify that I'm not hitting on anyone, but as a soon to be divorced woman, I may start to be open to offers for a little light dating at some point...

RD, it's good to read that you are doing okay. It's easy to feel that your sitch is unique - but I think so many sitches have so much in common - but then important differences too. I agree that your sitch is one where your W has seemed pretty miserable from day one, but hasn't seemed to do much to resolve that. Although I was pleased to read about the ADs, and glad that she is there more for your kids.

Sounds like you are doing pretty well in yourself RD?? Although as always, I would love to read about a little more 'adult' GAL (no, not that sort!!)

I've appreciated your kindness and company recently RD, and want to thank you for that. At some point there will be movement in all of our sitches, and there will be some ultimate resolution. I'm learning that who I am and who I'm becoming are the most important things of all - and what H may be up to is far less important and interesting than that.

Take care xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2599207 08/18/15 09:33 PM
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Hi Sotto. Thanks for the post. I am able to read between the lines of your post and while I appreciate the offer I thinks it's best to wait until your in a better place emtionally before we commit to anything ! !

Yes physically it might be extremely gratifying on some sort of deeply based animal instinct but would we be happy after ? I suppose if it helps you I could hardly refuse but still I feel we should give it time , maybe 1 or 2 minutes to consider.

Obviously not a word to Pink ! !!!

I hope I brought a smile to your evening

You are doing great and will do even better

Take care. Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2599224 08/18/15 10:27 PM
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Hi RD,

I'm a little hesitant to post with all these hormones flying around.....

Thanks for answering my question earlier. I read what you said a couple of times and thought about some things you said before about what she has said and just wondered if your W knows that you would want to make things work (assuming you still do)?

Is it something that L/C would have talked to her about at all?

It strikes me that she might want to come home but doesn't feel like she could ever be enough for you. I might be way off and i'm not sure it makes a difference to what you do in the short term but if you think there is anything in it then i'd would say talk to L/C about it.

I could also be talking nonsense


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
rd500 #2599230 08/18/15 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted By: rd500

Yes physically it might be extremely gratifying on some sort of deeply based animal instinct but would we be happy after ? I suppose if it helps you I could hardly refuse but still I feel we should give it time , maybe 1 or 2 minutes to consider.
At this point, I don't care all that much about being happy after......Oops, terribly incorrect, I know.

Anyway....RD, so in your story recap, W said she isn't happy, doesn't want sex and you said, sorry that doesn't work for me. So....can you explain exactly why you want this woman back? She doesn't love you physically or otherwise, so what's in it for you? Sorry to be blunt dear, but you know that's my style. And you also know I'm not pushing an agenda, but trying to make you think. Answer here if you wish, to yourself if you don't.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2599232 08/18/15 10:52 PM
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please start a new thread


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2599352 08/19/15 08:08 AM
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RD - you are hilarious!!! Thanks for making me laugh... grin

I'm interested in your answer to Sunny's question too. For me I think things have gone so far now that the door to possible reconciliation is only open a tiny chink. I believe I need to become financially independent now and I expect we will D too. After that - well I guess I'm not thinking any further than that just now - I'll just live my life I guess.

In terms of Sunny's question, I guess I would ask what you want, whether this is okay for you and whether there is anything you want to do to move towards living the life you want. But maybe you feel happy to let things continue as they are? Not suggesting you should do anything differend, but just interested to hear your view.

Take care RD xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2599398 08/19/15 01:45 PM
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Hi Jim , Sunny .Sotto and Cadet

Jim. L/C is aware that I would reconcile but on my last visit she feels EXW still needs time. I'm not sure about EXW knowing and I don't think she does Im quite negative in my words with EXW and often don't realise until it's too late

A couple of recent examples, all the bills are in my name save Sky and the bins. We tried to change them but it got messy so I pay x amount into EXW account every month. Last month Sky was higher and EXW said they took more than was allowed. I answered that maybe she should cancel it and I will just get it again in my name. EXW said that that might be a good idea as WE could get a better deal. I corrected her in a jokey way but did say I could get a better deal
Another recent one is EXW was talking about her flat and a few problems and how her lease was ending in a couple on months , I asked her if she would be renewing the lease or trying to move to a different flat. just small things but I do them consistently Not deliberately With regard s to the kids I would never consult her re holidays or days away. Basically one EXW leaves the house I would never contact her regarding anything and on the one occasion that 1 child was ill and I had to take them to the hospital I got that child to text her

Jim EXW has temp checked / come forward quite a few times and I have never reacted other than to say the future is never set in stone

Sunny. Thanks for the question. I have thought about this and I e done a list of pros and cons

Pros

1. I love who EXW used to be.
2. EXW stood by me through thick and thin sickness and business
3. I think EXW is going through something Breakdown , MLC or the like
4. I believe ( most days ) that OM is a freind and maybe a n escape but no t romantic
5. Through all of this EXW has been ok. No real spew that I read others getting and left me with everything save for a few hundred euro a month
6. I see EXW and how much stress etc she is under. She was never a large woman but now she is a size 6 - 8 and obviously living a very unhappy life
7 My heart tells me that she is very lost and maybe that's forever but maybe not
8. My kids. life would be better for them as a family and even for their kids

Cons

1. EXW has shown she is a liar , very selfish and not who I thought she was
2. Could I ever let go of thoughts of her and OM
3. Would a new R work and if not could I go through all that pain again
4. Would I wonder her reasons for coming back
5. How would / could the trust ever be restored when I have my issues re trust

Sunny. Maybe there is a hint of insecurity in me that I won't meet anyone else that I could live as I loved EXW. Could I trust anyone again after the mother of my children and my best friend for 25 years could change so quickly whatever the cause. I have great friends on this site that will make great partners for who ever they choose but what's the chance of finding that type of person in the real world

Sotto. I'm so glad to have made you laugh You have so much going for you and I often think that you can't see it

Cadet. I will. Thank you

Thank you all for posting I really appreciate it. Take care. Rd

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