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skhdive Offline OP
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Ok here is my new thread.

As I have posted it was Anniversary No. 21 received a couple of presents and received flowers at my work Bird of paradise which has always been our traditional flower for anniversaries. Card said Happy Anniversary Love H

so that is progress maybe. I thanked him.

I am hoping this is going in a good direction yet I must not get expectations up.

What do you all think?

GAL is going good and I am feeling more positive about myself and H in that I realize he is going to do what he wants/needs to do and I am not going to try and fix meddle or worry about what he is doing.


Skhdivers
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skhdive Offline OP
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I was hoping for dinner on Anniversary. I guess I should count myself lucky that I got a couple of presents and flowers.


Skhdivers
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Nothing says you can't do a nice dinner on your A, does it. You don't need him for that. I know that even if you knew you shouldn't expect it, once you have the though, it is still a let down to not get it. Do something nice for yourself today, whether that is treating yourself to a nice dinner or whatever else floats your boat. Celebrate that you are doing a great job and should be proud of yourself.

Happy Good for You Day! grin


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skhdive Offline OP
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You are so positive I love it. Thanks you are right. I am.


Skhdivers
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Definitely take yourself out to dinner or a movie on your anniversary. It's a time to pamper and enjoy yourself a bit even if your spouse isn't into doing something on that special day.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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skhdive Offline OP
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so when I got home last night H had mowed my yard and then he stayed (my S asked him to) for dinner and I made dinner and then we went on motorcycle ride.

It was ok I can say I felt H was not enthusiastic about being there but he stayed. It seems at night he like switches back to some sort of depressed, mopey, angry person. Can't quite put my finger on it but I use to ask him what is wrong not I just go about things and figure if he didn't really want to stay for dinner or ride then he could speak up and that is his problem.

I made it through the day it was fairly good not great. I feel good though I didn't expect anything and still don't and it seems that is the good way to be.

I have plans for tonight with S and tomorrow is Yoga in Park. I am feeling pretty positive about myself. I think it is very important for all of us to take care of ourselves first. Once you realize that, you feel much better.

Thank you 25years for drilling that into my head.


Skhdivers
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H told me yesterday he would never go back to our cabin until my mom dies. Real nice.

There is the fact that my mom is very critical and was of anything H did when working on the cabin.

So he said he won't go back until s3he is going because he got blamed for everything. I thought ok so he is talking about the future but bad about how he feels.


Skhdivers
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We had a good day yesterday 4 hour motorcycle ride and then we took S to movie and did some sparklers. 9:15 he said he was going home. I thought it went well he was joking etc.

I remembered though no expectations and sure enough today we have heard nothing from him.

This is where gal plays a big part i use to be really upset and feel so down. Today I am slightly bothered by it but my day and evening will go on and I will not contact him.

I don't get it but I can't fix it.


Skhdivers
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Originally Posted By: skhdive
We had a good day yesterday 4 hour motorcycle ride and then we took S to movie and did some sparklers. 9:15 he said he was going home. I thought it went well he was joking etc.

I remembered though no expectations and sure enough today we have heard nothing from him.

This is where gal plays a big part i use to be really upset and feel so down. Today I am slightly bothered by it but my day and evening will go on and I will not contact him.

I don't get it but I can't fix it.



2 things. First, WELL DONE. Your goal is to demonstrate (by example, not words)

that he can relax and enjoy your company. Period. Nothing else attached to that.


Then you build on it. A few hours of fun turns into a full day, an evening, etc.

Secondly, I hope you'll come to see that you do NOT have to "get it", to accept it.

You may never understand or wrap your brain around his choices. To this day I do not "get" why or how my h could choose a job or a place (or an "adventure!") over being with his wife and children.

I do not "get" that it took a year away part time and then another year away full time, FAR away, for him to see our value and worth and how crummy and lonely he'd be without us.

I had to release him to his task, without understanding it at all.


Maybe that is your task??

I don't know. I am simply pondering out loud.

Make sense?


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skhdive Offline OP
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25 years I understand it does make sense thanks. I am working on the get it part that I won't get it. Lol

I do have a question is it weird or normal to have a good day and then hear nothing the next day?


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
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