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Wonka,

I made a post to you on my thread. Can you please have a look if you get the chance.

-Py


M: 6 T: 12
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Smothy,

I am sorry about being so blunt earlier. We have discussed this before and you admitted that subsequent times with OM was for you. I don't know you, but I think I do if that makes any sense in this context, and I can imagine you beating yourself up now - "Oh its all my fault - blah, blah blah".

Look - I dont think it was all your fault. We have spent hours talking about this. For the sake of argument let's suppose it was all your fault. OK - big pain (which you have already done a lot of) - but what does that change for NOW! nothing! You are in exactly the same position. You are sorry. You love your H. You want to save the M.

So continue with what Wonka advised above. OK?

whose sig is it - Dont look back - you aren't going that way.

(((hugs)))


M: 6 T: 12
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Originally Posted By: Wonka
Smothy,


And said I would never slept With OM if he didn't sanction it.

Can you please explain a bit more what you mean here? Is that true? Did H really "sanction" your affair with XOM?



Thank you, Wonka, answer to question, H has a fantasy where he likes to watch me with other men. H never sanctioned me sleeping with OM more than once but agreed with this for one time only. I choose to sleep with him twice more after that. It is this betrayal and the lies he says he can not get over. h believes we had an 6 week affair before he went back to his own country.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Originally Posted By: Pyrite
Smothy,

I am sorry about being so blunt earlier. We have discussed this before and you admitted that subsequent times with OM was for you. I don't know you, but I think I do if that makes any sense in this context, and I can imagine you beating yourself up now - "Oh its all my fault - blah, blah blah".

Look - I dont think it was all your fault. We have spent hours talking about this. For the sake of argument let's suppose it was all your fault. OK - big pain (which you have already done a lot of) - but what does that change for NOW! nothing! You are in exactly the same position. You are sorry. You love your H. You want to save the M.

So continue with what Wonka advised above. OK?

whose sig is it - Dont look back - you aren't going that way.

(((hugs)))


thank you, Py. Wasn't too harsh at all. I don't blame the demise of this M 100% on me. At the beginning, I really believed it was all my fault.

H, as was I up most of the night in our respective bedrooms. I can hear him next door. In the morning no goodbyes, nothing. I stayed in my room.

This afternoon we (DS, H and I) were out celebrating last week Father's Day, H asked me to come which I did with a PMA. We joked and laughed at the restaurant and H sat next to me at the cinema and held my hand for the duration of the film. When we got home came and gave me a hug and kissed me on my head and thanked me for coming and how much he enjoyed it.

On the way home, he tells me is going out for the day. I ask when he is leaving as DS is also leaving for the weekend tomorrow. Was very non committal. I need to stop the urge on asking him about what he is doing! rereading Sandi's rules.

We settled on the sofa , had a light conversation, watched a bit of television and I can sense he wanted to reach for my hand. H took it once and squeezed it then let go very quickly. h was lying on the sofa, head close to me and it took all more will lower to not reach out and stroke his hair.

H fell asleep and I went out for 10 mins and he had gone upstairs to bed, called out for me when I went to my room and asked where I disappeared to. Told him that he fell asleep and I decided to get some fresh air. Gave me a hug goodnight.

So many more mixed messages. H has deleted all my family and friends off face book too last night.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
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D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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I gave up smoking everyday for the last 7 years, but have a few occasionally. Yesterday I brought a packet and this is where I disappeared to tonight. When H asked me where I disappeared to, I told him I went to get some fresh air and admitted to having a cigarette. he said he understood why I wanted one.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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OMG Smoth I almost forgot!

Whats happenning with your son? Does he know yet?

Ironically I had dinner at my sister's last night. Her boys 10 & 7, just found out mum & dad "lied" about tooth fairy.


M: 6 T: 12
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Originally Posted By: Pyrite
OMG Smoth I almost forgot!

Whats happenning with your son? Does he know yet?

Ironically I had dinner at my sister's last night. Her boys 10 & 7, just found out mum & dad "lied" about tooth fairy.





The night H told me he hates me was the night I asked about telling DS. H said he does not want to ruin his Summer by telling him and he would tell him later. I think it would be better to let him know sooner than later so will,broach the subject with H in the next few days. I need to tell my family and friends but was waiting until our DS knew first.

After the day out yesterday, DS was saying things like the Smothy's family does it again and even H said we haven't been to the cinema as a family for ages and how much he really enjoyed it.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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PY, it is good to hear you are finding some peace in your situation,

Until LBS detach and let go this is hard to find. I am going to a retreat today on spiritual self reflection and meditation. Your words have given me comfort. Thank you, so much.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Do feel like I am at ground zero. Last night H tells me he is taking a ' friend' out for the day, this morning just got up and left.

Stomach is now in knots and anxiety is high. Was detaching better only a week ago.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Apr 2015
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I'll be online in a few hours to talk if you like. Just breathe Smothy. Mindful breathing. Go for a run. Take care. Hugs


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
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