Yeah that whole ... what do I call you thing during this actually made me chuckle more than anything ... seeing how uncomfortable she was in certain circles concerning me. At S's school it was always "My husband blah blah" ... but in other circles I got "my Ex" .... was like when it was better for her to be married she could be married, but when she needed to be single she was single .. Cake anyone?
I also find it peculiar that after your W stammers and gets off the phone she is all about letting you know about the girlfriends and girls night out stuff. Most likely falling in line with the MLC pattern that we become the authority figure, and they some hoe need us to know there is "nothing out of the ordinary going on here dad .. I promise."
Regardless you handled it like a champ ... well done.
Thank you Toots and Caliguy. I appreciate your support.
OK, one more funny story from s13's baseball game yesterday. When I arrived at the game s13's team was batting and s13 was on 1st base.
S13 ended up scoring, and I asked W (after she was off her phone - ) how s13 was doing in the game? W answered that s13 "was doing great!"
It turns out he got on base by striking out and the catcher dropping the third strike. I guess, W was not really paying attention. Not too surprisingly.
I also find it peculiar that after your W stammers and gets off the phone she is all about letting you know about the girlfriends and girls night out stuff. Most likely falling in line with the MLC pattern that we become the authority figure, and they some hoe need us to know there is "nothing out of the ordinary going on here dad .. I promise."
OK, a couple of things. First, and this is unusual, my d20 told me she has a new bf. I asked where she met him, and she told me one of the large free dating websites. One of the ones W was regularly on.
What makes this unusual was that it was a "trigger" for me. All of the old feelings of anger, despair for my M, sadness, etc. came flooding back when I heard this and hit me unexpectedly. It hit, I thought about it for a few minutes, and let it pass.
Yes, I was good about keeping my mouth closed. I WANTED to tell d20 to look up W's dating profile. To tell her to ask W about which is the best dating website to be on (since she has been on them all.) To stay away from the free dating sites b/c they attract the "lower" element, etc.
But I kept my mouth shut, and just let d20 be excited for her new beau. ------------------
The second item is why I quoted Caliguy above. S13 had his 2nd baseball playoff game earlier today. When the game started I texted W to see if she was going to make it. W texted back telling me she thought the game was 3 hours later (we receive weekly and daily emails from the coach telling us the details of the games - he is great about keeping us informed.) But this is who W is now, she has a difficult time remembering some things on her schedule.
So when W said she was not coming to the game, she called me and did the over-explaining thing to me again. She has 3 graduation parties to go to today (seems a bit late for grad parties, but ok.) Also, s13 would blame her if the team lost, etc. I think you are right Caliguy, W wants me to see that she is not doing "naughty" things b/c somehow she views me as an authority figure in her life. Classic MLC?
S13's team lost badly, and they may have been knocked out of the play-offs. S13 is enjoying spending time with me, and has decided to spend an extra day here (I asked W permission first). It's been a nice weekend.
I also think ... this is just me looking at your sitch from the outside ... the MLC'rs see us as 'Mom, or Dad' so they feel they need to let us know the good things they are upto, ya know .. being the model teenagers that they are. Your W ... correct me if I am wrong has gone to ... I am dating who I want when I want to how I want ... to "look Daddy at what a good girl I am" ... if anything there is movement. So its important that you continue to be indifferent with this, detached and not judge, they seem to be able to smell that a mile away at this point and it scares them, they know deep down its all wrong but that drug is still in their veins and they go underground to help increase the rush that they have lost during the hot n heavy stage of replay ..... hope this makes sense and its just My opinion here.
Wet you are doing very well .. its not easy but you have handled it all with class and dignity .. something to be proud of my friend.
I agree w/Cali. We become "authority" figures to the MLCers, i.e., be it mom, dad, grandparents, etc...but they have this need to tell us what they are doing and they make up excuses and lies for when they are late, etc. Teenagers at their finest!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A quick vent - I am having spinal fusion surgery tomorrow. I was in court this morning helping a friend who was cited for violating a restraining order while going thru a divorce. I was able to negotiate to have a "stay of adjudication" where as long as there are no other offenses in the next 6 months the charges will be dropped. My friend was very happy.
But here is my vent. For some reason my W was calling the insurance people to find out d18's id number, who lost her insurance card - she must have a little of W in her? So W calls me frantically after I get out of court to tell me our health insurance was cancelled on April 28th.
I've been paying the health insurance premiums for the whole family for the past 3 months. So I thought that there was something more going on. But my blood pressure was still skyrocketing at the thought of having my surgery tomorrow w/o insurance coverage.
I made a call and found out lo and behold, W was wrong. The health insurance is open and active, everyone is covered. I texted W telling her she was "a goon" for unnecessarily putting me thru this, and reassuring her that our insurance is in place.
W texted back saying "it's better to be safe than sorry". No, I didn't need that today. Vent completed. I am excited to get this surgery done, and start moving on with my health.
Good luck tomorrow! I hope everything goes well for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with Cali and Job as well based on what I've seen. It's odd to say the least. At least from the other side of it
Good luck tomorrow!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts, I invited W to be there so that she could take the kids. This means she will be at today's surgery around my family. Might have some fireworks, but I won't know about it b/c I'll be knocked out.
) how s13 was doing in the game? W answered that s13 "was doing great!"
Not too surprisingly.
No, I didn't need that today. Vent completed. I am excited to get this surgery done, and start moving on with my health.