Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10
Vanilla #2580286 06/20/15 04:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
T
TLEE86 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
Hey V, Pink thanks for checking in. I just got home after a month in the field. Feels so nice to have a hot shower and a/c again. It got well over 100 and we were just sucking out there moving around and sweating every second your awake. I have a 3 day weekend so it feels good to relax for a change.

Honestly not a whole lot to write, so I'm just writing.

It feels weird coming on this board now. So many people that I used to follow stopped writing, or write less and no one really has a whole lot to say..so I see all these new names and it [censored]. I wish no one else would go through this so it [censored] seeing all these new people going through this, when a year ago they probably never thought they would.

Ive been contemplating very seriously about getting out of the Army, and starting fresh. My wife has been with me every step of the way in my career and it just doesnt feel the same without her. And the Army is changing, no more deployments and if we do deploy its all just BS security missions. The hard charging, kick down the door days are long over- might be weird for some of you to read that, but most guys want to deploy again. It gives us a sense of purpose, a reason to exist- not just train to train so this Garrison life is weird.

Getting out also helps me close this chapter of my life that has brought so much joy and so much pain at the same time. Might feel very good to just start over. Above all, it'd give me a chance to see WAW more often, possibly be in the same city...

But there are so many opportunities that they Army is giving me this next year. And its very difficult to turn them down. Id like to wait one more year and then get out, after Ive taken all these awesome opportunities but idk if i want to or if the M will survive, yes its already "dead" like some people put it, but idk.

Things with W have been strange. One week she says she's ready for a D because were both in limbo and that she's ready to move on without me, and this week she tells me she misses the dogs and get this....she actually put her ring back on because she was "feeling things" and posted a picture of her wearing her ring saying she "forgot how beautiful this ring was" and of course cried a few more times. Don't worry---she took the ring back off again.

She's so confusing and I know she's confused, and all that but when she did that it made me 1) happy 2) think of Z and her H and its like...dont they realize that you cant just take the ring on and off? That its not so..nonchalant and casual?

As far as me, theres this pretty cool training opportunity run by some civilians in the local area that I want to go to. Its all about small arms marksmanship and clearing houses properly etc etc but it costs like $700....i guess thats my next goal and the next thing I want to do so...start saving.

Im sorry i havent been commenting on peoples threads..its just weird seeing all these new "Faces" and i feel lost going into it already but il try. Have a great weekend!


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
TLEE86 #2580392 06/21/15 01:42 AM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Hi TLEE,

Re the ring thing, I guess it's our values against theirs. I would say it's plain old immature. But maybe just a different way of seeing M. One that I will not respect, but good for thdm if they find someone who cherishes it equally as little. I thought I was hearing things when my H said 'break up with you' during course of M like we were just dating. No one deserves to be jerked back and forth!

I know what you mean about the board...

Careful about making decisions with chance to see WAW as a pro. She should not be a factor anymore. Let her feel the void please! Let her grow up if she chooses. I just see so much heartache in the future as she keeps stringing you along on her emotional tidal waves.

Thinking if you, TLEE. Wishing you freedom and peace to devote 100% your energies and thoughts to your new beginning!


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



Zelda09 #2580429 06/21/15 05:35 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Glad to see you posting.

The board is a continuum for me, posters come and go, Some of us especially those whose lives have a strong destructive invalidation element are here for much longer. Our paths are harder and there is more struggle in recovery, our Ms are harder to repair, our spouses have more complex issues, they are abusers or in As and are lost to themselves.

Others reach peace much sooner and for that I am thankful, yet others repair their M and for that I am joyous. It is as it is, dear heart I am afraid I am here for a longer period as I have so much to learn. Those who have a longer journey tend to leave newcomers and move to MLC or the recovery threads. There posters seem to post less often (or maybe there are less) but the post count of each posters is high. This is the home of Toots, Maybell and Georgiabelle all of whom I believe posted here. In newcomers we see the distressed posts, the sadness and the difficulties. There is less peace and more turmoil in the sitches here, I think. Sometimes for me it is those who are not ready who really need the blessings and who leave as distressed as they arrive which cause me pause.

For the time being I am glad to share the path with fellow travellers and am glad when they update us about their journey.

The board is a complex fabric, a tapestry of life with hope and repair for many.

I still feel 'new' and everything is so raw for me, I am here for a long while yet.

The decision to leave the army would be a very important one for you. You speak of such pride and hope when you discuss your prospects and achievements. The career you have is your bedrock and I would be concerned if you gave that up in haste.

A year is a good time to build your thoughts TLee. I agree with Z, your WAW is living her own life and it is important you live yours.

Hugs

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 06/21/15 05:44 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2580930 06/22/15 10:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
T
TLEE86 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
Originally Posted By: Zelda09

Re the ring thing, I guess it's our values against theirs. I would say it's plain old immature. But maybe just a different way of seeing M. One that I will not respect, but good for thdm if they find someone who cherishes it equally as little. I thought I was hearing things when my H said 'break up with you' during course of M like we were just dating. No one deserves to be jerked back and forth!


I keep thinking about this Z. And its difficult not to. I keep wondering, WHY did she decide to put it back on, however long that may have been, and WHY did she post a picture of it online. My IC told me its one of the first "actions" W has done besides talking and i should be happy? idk... I know these questions will never be answered right now, but its just hard to not think about it. So..random, so out of the blue. Maybe just how she was feeling at that particular moment in time...yea, it was nice seeing it on her finger, though its off again now. =/

Originally Posted By: Vanilla
The board is a continuum for me, posters come and go, Some of us especially those whose lives have a strong destructive invalidation element are here for much longer. Our paths are harder and there is more struggle in recovery, our Ms are harder to repair, our spouses have more complex issues, they are abusers or in As and are lost to themselves.

The decision to leave the army would be a very important one for you. You speak of such pride and hope when you discuss your prospects and achievements. The career you have is your bedrock and I would be concerned if you gave that up in haste


V- I'm trying to get back on this board and start following others again, and all the new people that unfortunately are here. Sometimes, its just hard to keep reading the same thing over and over and how there is just so much pain out there. I truly appreciate your thoughts, and I'm sorry i don't write too much on your thread, i honestly don't know what to say...as far as the Army, I'm still wondering about it, but i think i found a solution where i can do what i want for a little longer and still get out around the time i wanted to. idk, more to follow.
--------------
This is more to vent, as sometimes i don't know who else to talk to. Some thoughts that are swirling about my head, more from things W said recently.

She told me "Thank you T for being so good to me. I miss the dogs, Alaska, the simplicity of everything back then, and a known path/future."

And this just keeps going around and around my head...like..im good to you? Didnt you leave because you thought i treated you horribly? and you miss all that stuff? Isn't it what you left? Whats stopping you from...not being gone. Nothing...

she also made a comment regarding her working, saying that she liked being a stay at home wife, but that the relationship took the toll and she should have done more for herself while staying at home. I havent really figured this one out...

And yes, Ill say it again, I know wondering about these things doesnt help, but hey its my brain and thats what its thinking at the moment =/


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
TLEE86 #2580987 06/23/15 02:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
T
TLEE86 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
Now Im wondering at what point do you just throw in the towel and give up. She's all talk and very little action. She can miss everything and anything about our past, but she's still not making any attempt to come back. She is choosing not to come back. All under the guise of trying to find herself. I havent accepted it yet. The M is over, R is probably not going to happen. But I havent come to terms with it.


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
TLEE86 #2581157 06/23/15 03:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Giving up = detaching, Imo.

If she gets her act together and becomes a woman worthy of your further energy, you can be pleasantly surprised and consider anew, no?

Love someone, even your W, let em go...if they return...

And if they don't, trust, TLEE. You will find great happiness and love ahead.

Hugs.


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



Zelda09 #2581161 06/23/15 03:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
Also re your earlier post - re the ring and trying to make sense out of it - our walk aways are just as, if more so, confused as we are.

Seeing my STBX actions, always and now, as ripples in an ocean...whichever way the wind blows, and no one ripple has much to do with the other or any particular meaning beyond its own reactivity to the wind. It is a thought that brings me peace. There is no such thing as A truth that will help any of us make sense of this, truths are shifty for everyone here!


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
T
TLEE86 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 303
Will attempt to call her tomorrow but if no answer, would appreciate your thoughts on this email. Thank you guys.
-------------------
W,

We have been apart for over 10months now, and as you know I truly want this marriage to work and would love if you came back and wanted to work through things. There is nothing that I don't think we can overcome. But if you are unwilling to do so and are continuing to live with another man, there are some things I have to do and some boundaries I have to set out of respect for myself. I am no longer willing to pay for the truck, cellphone, or car insurance every month and will be taking your name off the credit cards. These are not meant to punish you, but again, for my well-being and self-respect. I still do not believe D is an option and would like to continue talking to you if that is something you are willing to do. Please let me know your thoughts.

Your H,
-T

---------
I am no longer bound by the Army to let her use anymore of our money, i have a letter stating i do not need to do so anymore. The most difficult part will be after this is sent/told to her, and if she goes through D proceedings, and not hearing from her. I don't think reality will set in for her for a couple months until after she actually has had time to process things. I think she will be pretty angry when she reads this and will immediately go for the D- although I doubt that will fix anything because she will blame me for her suffering when this is all her choice.


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
I put this in your thread and I am hoping that you can get some good edits on this letter.

It seems a little wordy to me,
and maybe cut out any relationship talk.

JMHO, she knows where to find you if she want to.


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Originally Posted By: TLEE86
Will attempt to call her tomorrow but if no answer, would appreciate your thoughts on this email. Thank you guys.
-------------------
W,

We have been apart for over 10 months now, and as you know I truly I want this and although i want our marriage to work and would love if you came back and wanted to work through things. There is nothing that I don't think we can overcome. But if you are unwilling to do so and are continuing to live with another man, there are some things I have to do and some boundaries I have to set out of respect for myselfthen I am no longer willing to paying foryour truck, cellphone, and car insurance every month and I have taken your name off the credit cards. These are not meant to punish you, but again, for my well-being and self-respect. I still do not believe D is an option and would like to continue talking to you if that is something you are willing to do. Please let me know your thoughts.

-T

---------
I am no longer bound by the Army to let her use anymore of our money, i have a letter stating i do not need to do so anymore. The most difficult part will be after this is sent/told to her, and if she goes through D proceedings, and not hearing from her. I don't think reality will set in for her for a couple months until after she actually has had time to process things. I think she will be pretty angry when she reads this and will immediately go for the D- although I doubt that will fix anything because she will blame me for her suffering when this is all her choice.


When you say I am not punishing you, then it will come across as if you are.

I am no Wonka but this is a statement of what you have done.

Go do it then send the email.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 06/28/15 12:45 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Page 5 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard