Thanks for sharing, Bob. Always so thoughtful! I hope you are doing well! ------------------------------------------------------ I read somewhere that someone going through a sitch like this on here, put a rubberband on their wrist and snapped anytime they started focussing on their WS/MLCer too much. I started this today and it seems to work!!
Also, I had never heard of Ashley Madison until coming on here and I checked it out yesterday. Can I just say I am so disgusted that a site like this exists. What does this say about our society when a company can make money off of helping facilitate affairs?
Last edited by BW05; 06/26/1510:45 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Thanks for sharing, Bob. Always so thoughtful! I hope you are doing well! ------------------------------------------------------ I read somewhere that someone going through a sitch like this on here, put a rubberband on their wrist and snapped anytime they started focussing on their WS/MLCer too much. I started this today and it seems to work!!
Also, I had never heard of Ashley Madison until coming on here and I checked it out yesterday. Can I just say I am so disgusted that a site like this exists. What does this say about our society when a company can make money off of helping facilitate affairs?
I'd never heard of this site either.
It seems like technology just enhances what we do with our humanity.
We used to fight each other with swords. Now it's bombs. We used to smoke pot. Now there's meth. We used to look at playboys. Now there's high speed porn and webcams.
We've always been flawed humans. Now there are purified forms of condensed sin at our fingertips daily. Shoot, my son showed me this youtube commercial of a "Hololense", a visor you wear that creates a virtual reality holographic world that can link to others as well. Coming soon. Fantasy made into real life. The first thing I said to my kids is "that will ruin millions of lives".
It is discouraging because it makes it seem impossible to think you can meet someone that doesn't succumb.
I can only hope that, as we have done through history, some of us will continue to lead through. And that the technology can be used for positive things as well. This forum is a good example of something we couldn't have done 20 years ago, and I hope it balances is out in some way. And the fact that we're all here proves not that we're 'good people', but that we are fighting the fight.
Carry on BW.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Woops. I guess I came home a little too tipsy and loud for H who was in bed already half a sleep. Got up all disgruntled and shut his bedroom door after I peaked my head in and said hello. Needless to say, had a great evening with the new meet up group.
Thinking about messing with H tomorrow to ask him about his night in town on his "business trip". Maybe ask about hotel, where he eat, see if I can make him squirm a bit and see how fast he can make stuff up. Feeling empowered tonight!
Last edited by BW05; 06/27/1504:21 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Funny, but tipsy and empowered? Ever hear of having a shot of courage (sometimes put as liquid courage). Go to bed, and leave well enough alone. Leave him wondering what you think, what you were doing. You had fun. Good for you. Leave it at that. Not being or appearing focused on him takes his power away. Let him be the one focusing on you rather than the reverse.
Yes, there is a devilishly good time to be had by poking him and watching the antics, but does that serve your purpose? If so, have fun, but I suspect you'll figure out that it isn't really what you are aiming for.
It is great that you are getting out and genuinely having a good time. Makes you feel truly alive and like the world hasn't closed into this confining little space of worry and pain. Keep up the good work and enjoy!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
BW05, I suggested a few years ago that posters put a rubber band on their wrists and snap it whenever your mind wanders as to what your spouses are doing or are going to say something that may create tension between the spouses. It really does work.
Recently, RosaLinda suggested this exercise to a poster because she used it when she was going through her experience.
I'm glad it's working for you. Yes, your wrist is going to hurt, but you'll soon learn to focus elsewhere.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BW05, I suggested a few years ago that posters put a rubber band on their wrists and snap it whenever your mind wanders as to what your spouses are doing or are going to say something that may create tension between the spouses. It really does work.
Recently, RosaLinda suggested this exercise to a poster because she used it when she was going through her experience.
I'm glad it's working for you. Yes, your wrist is going to hurt, but you'll soon learn to focus elsewhere.
Yea when the Pain of change is less than the Pain of staying the same. You wont want to keep snapping that rubber band!
Well, still filling empowered this morning, but yes, there was some liquid courage in my words last night. I was just happy for once to be home after H.
Asitis, thanks for catching me from doing something that will not improve my situation. I guess each time I catch my H in another lie that confirms an A, I feel a bit vindicated. His continued attempts at gaslighting, even though I do know what he is doing, start to wear me down mentally, and at times I do question reality. So after two months of this, I do have an urge to be a bit vindictive, but I agree this will not get me to where I want to be. Thanks for snapping the rubberband for me.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
H just left for three straight weeks. That means a gift of time/opportunity to solely focus on my goals for the summer and find the strength and mindset to let go of him. I know I need to let him go if I want any hope of saving my M.
Today, I still found myself hurt that he made no attempt to spend time with me this weekend before he left. He did not even bother to say good morning today. I walked in in the kitchen and nicely told him to have a good trip and then took off to walk the dog. I did not want to be there when he drove off and did not want to make it seem I was hanging around this morning. I barely got a response from him.
So, for the most part it is still status quo. He is still ignoring me and making no effort on his part. As much as I try, it is constant effort to not take this personally, but sometimes do. Maybe not as much as in the beginning. Maybe in his mind or current state he does not realize how harsh and cruel his behavior toward me is or maybe he does. Who knows. I cannot spend my time worrying about it. I know I have not been the perfect wife, but I also there is nothing that I have done to be treated this way. It is not about me, but him. He is having an active A, so this behavior is right on par. I have to find some way to get over this and no longer let it affect me. Hoping this 3 weeks gives me the strength to get there.
I have a nice full week ahead with work, bootcamp M-F, Meetup on Wedneday, holiday on Friday, 5k, BBQ and fireworks on Saturday. I just need to plan out the other two weeks with more activities. I do have one art class scheduled.
Last edited by BW05; 06/28/1503:05 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
