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I'm not 25 Years, but I will chime in. Yes, it's very normal for them to come have a good day w/you and the family and then be quiet for a while. What happens is that they actually warm up to doing things w/you and then later on they remember that you are the "enemy" that made them unhappy, etc. Many of them do this. Continue to drop the friendship crumbs, keep things light and simple and he'll come around again very soon. Leave him be for now and allow him to come to you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job thanks will do. That was what I was thinking as well just needed to make sure I was thinking correctly.

25 years thanks also I am not sure I would have made it this far without your advice and you calling me out so to speak.


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
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You did well. It would have been worrisome if he had wanted to stay, as your reaction suggests that you would have let him. I don't think that would have been helpful at this point. Slow and repeat light happy times is much better than jumping too fast and having someone get cold feet. You want him to come back to stay, and him waking up the next morning feeling trapped or whatever those feelings are floating around in his skull and running would be bad.

Little bites and stepping away with both wanting more is exactly what you want. You did that. You should not read his invisibility as anything other than expected. It is a pattern of behavior you are looking for as evidence and no one event (or its absence).

You also may want to plan for a GAL activity for the day after an activity w/ your H. Helps with the let-down of withdrawal. But you can also mention what you have going on, and have something to cut him a bit short and leave him wanting more if he should ask you to do something the next day. He realizes that if he wants that, he's got to recognize what he has done to your M.

Glad it went well & you all had fun.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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So I kind of figured I needed to get out and do something so in the late afternoon I took s and we went to the beach and played around for a couple of hours. You are right Asitis that really helped. I had been cleaning my house and that wasn't working, needed fun.

H text me before the beach and just said he would watch S this week. I said ok and that was it.

I did text him today and just said my shoulders were sunburned for the ride that was it. Probably shouldn't have but felt like he contacted me yesterday first so I would reciprocate with today. Good idea or not?

Oh by the way no I did not want him to spend the night!! I would have two months ago but I have changed a little since then and that would not have been good for me. I need to see a few things from him (actions) before I would do that. Like more communication and asking me how my day is and spending more time together.


Skhdivers
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I'm glad you got out of the house and enjoy the beach w/your son.

Glad to see he texted and will watch your son this week. As for texting him about your sunburn, I wouldn't have done so. Why? Because if he were interested in your well being, etc., he would have inquired. Allow this man to come to you and that means stepping back from the urge to communicate w/him. He needs to "sense" that you are going on w/your life and that you aren't sitting there waiting from him to contact you all of the time.

The only way that he's going to be curious about you is if you don't share too much of your life. It's okay to share what is going on w/your son. For now, only communicate w/him about your son and financial issues, and emergencies only. He can't become curious about you if you are telling him about what you are or aren't doing voluntarily.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job: That makes sense and I kind of thought that after I hit send of course! I do think I am too available.

We will be on vacation for 9 days my S and I and I do not plan on texting him but will answer his text if he text me. What do you think?


Skhdivers
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Me 49 h 45
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No texting today H showed up for S. I am not sure how it went today or if he was gone the usually 4 hours to the gym. Will update later.

h was in a depressed gloomy mood but I didn't ask why, what or how come. In fact I was talking and he looked at me and said "what" with a look of I was bothering him so I said alright and left the room. After I left in a few minutes he called me back to look at something on tv. Weird.

Not letting it bother me. I have heard some good advice here and it is what I followed today if they disrespect walk away and I did.

No texting - I have done.

GAL - Yep H found out S and I went to beach on Sunday by S telling him about a snake he saw at the beach (yuck) and H said oh when did you go there and S said Sunday and H said hmmm.


Skhdivers
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Me 49 h 45
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I think i have bad news I think there is a ow. Saturday night after H dropped us off he was headed home but there are gas charge and another charge in complete opposite direction.

Sunday morning there is a coffee charge in the same area and this is where the gal from last summer that he was texting lives and I think her H was out of town.

I feel like he went over there and spent night and then got coffee over by my house on way home. It's a little out of way to get coffee in the morning I mean he could ha e gone a different way back to his house then coming over toward in. Coffee place is just a mile from my house

Am I overly suspicious? Someone told me if he wanted to hide it he could have paid cash. I know he had a 100 on him from the movie

I wanted to confront him i did not cuz I know it would be controlling but it does bother me. Thoughts or advice e?


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
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Just checking in on your sitch. I think you and your s not texting you H during vacation is a great idea. My s and I did the same thing during our vacation.

As for the ow, don't ask. I know it's hard and not knowing can cause so much anxiety but he will turn it around on you if push for answers.

Keep pushing forward with your GAL activities and go on your great vacation with your son.


Me44 H47
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H informed me today that he was mad because we were going on vacation and just leaving him with nothing. I told him that he last fall told us that we should go to the lake for the 4th on vacation just me and Kael and he would stay here (this was before separation or anything)

I reminded him of this and he said "do whatever you want". So I said you never really do anything with me/or S anyway. H got really mad and said the famous "I am not doing this now" I said (and this was where I should have shut it down) where do you think we are at in this and he said "we have good days and bad days.

Thoughts and opinions?


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
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