Goal struggle

[Rouky]

Hi, I have been able to set personal goal and can pretty much stay on task, but I'm really not good at the one for my relationship. One of his point to have an affair was that I was cold. I'd really like to work on this one, but I keep thinking that it'll be fake coming from me. I feel it won't feel natural to him as I'm still hurt from betrayal, the fact that I had to kick him out of the house ( basically I think I made the decision for him instead of him having to tell me that he wanted out of the M, so he'd have to feel guilty from walking out on his family, but I'm the one feeling guilty like hell for making that decision that I never wanted in the first place). I resent him for not spending more time with his kids (work is more important to him) and that I can't rely on him to look after the kids when I want to go out ( have to pay for a sitter & I can feel the financial strain from it).

My goal would be: to be less cold to H
1) H won't be on the defensive
2) I'll count to 7 before I react to his sly comments
3) H will want to stay a little but more to talk about general stuff when he drops girls.

Can I have any feedback? Is it too vague, is it asking too much?

[Cadet]

My goal would be: to be less cold to H
1) H won't be on the defensive
2) I'll count to 7 before I react to his sly comments
3) H will want to stay a little but more to talk about general stuff when he drops girls.

Your goals need to be things YOU can control.

#2 is one YOU can control, what do you think about 1 and 3?

Also try to break your goals into small measurable tasks.

Remember we make changes for us not to win back our spouses!

[ep0215]

Goals:

1. I will not immediately respond to his texts or calls
2. He will make eye contact with me when speaking to me (always looks away)
3. He will ask about my plans for the weekend

Are these solution-oriented and small enough?

[Tamjakr]

1. I will not initiate contact
2 I will be pleasant during any contact
3. I will not bring up ow or any personal stuff.