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kml Offline
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Sounds good. You just might consider adding something to the effect that you did not in any way suggest to s19 that he record the call.

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vge1 Offline OP
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Ok
I sent it and he replied

"That's up to a judge to decide vge1. I have plenty of documentation and witnesses."

So now what??!?
I'm sure his witnesses are his wife, his parents and his relatives.

Arghhhhhhh! Lord help us!

In His love

Vge1

Romans 8:28

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Do not let it get to you. It is his way of controlling you with fear. I would just say DS is an adult and can do as he pleases if you have an issue with it..talk to him. Wash your hands of it... Actually i would say fvck off!! but hey that is me..lol

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Agreed - he's just a bully who isn't getting his way and he's trying to intimidate you - don't take the bait.

Send him similar, cool, factual emails whenever there is anything that he needs to know - and keep copies of EVERYTHING, write up a note about EVERY bad interaction and keep a file.

If you can stand it, write up a factual weekly email note about the kids' school progress, but DON'T reply to any BS on his part.

He's a nasty human being and he's infuriated that you didn't just die and let him move on to his fantasy new blended family without a hiccup. WASs honestly are surprised when everything isn't peaches and ice cream.

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kml Offline
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Just make sure you document, document, document.

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I have had some parenting difficulties with my H as well. If my son doesn't jump to do as S says, it's all my fault. At first, I was accused of badmouthing H, (never did), then accused of coddling S to a point that he hated being with H, now accused of raising a lazy long haired hippy who has a mom doing everything for him. It's all nonsense and self projection from his own guilt and issues.

I used to defend myself, fight back. It only seemed to cause things to escalate. I finally scheduled a parenting session with a counselor, which H was a no show. Her advice to me was, we live 2 separate lives with 2 separate homes, neither of us have the right to dictate how the other lives.

Your older boys are grown adults, they are making their own choices, you can't control that. I would keep my responses short and sweet..."sorry you feel that way", "your R with them is up to you, I am not standing in the way" or even questions like, "exactly what is it you want me to do?" Or, "where is this anger coming from?" That tends to shut my H up pretty quick.

Bottom line, keep contact with him short and brief, to the point and factual. He can ramble on all he wants. It's not worth your time.

BTW, I am very happy to hear you are feeling better, with the treatments and all. Good luck in finding yourself some work.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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vge - just wondering if you still read the boards? Haven't seen you post and you've been in my heart and prayers. Let us know how you are doing if you can ok? Thank you my friend.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Howdy y'all!

I'm still here. I continue to be encouraged through your experiences and your wisdom. Seems like everyone has grown - emotionally and mentally. I'm hoping I've done the same and continue to do so.

I had been meaning to check in to let y'all know that I'm ok. Busy in a good way.

Updates:

1) Health - continuing chemo. All still looks good. Scans have been good. Numbers are good. The clinical trial I'm on is still working. In fact, everyone on this trial seems to be doing extremely well. PRAISE GOD!!!

2) Boys are growing. My oldest finished high school in June. He's working and still has the girlfriend. Trade school begins in the spring. My other three are doing ok. My second son started a public high school. Finds it easy and their father was mad that the school didnt have him listed as the other parent - ??? All the paperwork was completed but they were only using my email for the newsletter. XH is disengaged anyway. Third son is depressed emotionally though he's doing well academically - again his father is disengaged. My son says he feels invisible when he's with his father. :-( My youngest son is now the center of attention from his father (like third son was last school yr) because his grades weren't good. My youngest was to go to 4th grade but I placed him in 5th. He's struggling because of organizational skills. He's not turning in his work nor taking advantage of help from his teachers. I've contacted the school to tap into resources to help him but it hasn't happened yet. The school says all 5th graders struggle in the first and even second report card. So my son is "normal". But now his father has become super involved and saying we should switch schools. I'd like for my son to complete 5th grade here then if he's still not succeeding then switch him in 6th grade when everyone is new in middle school.Motive from XH is that he's "caring".??!!

3) EX-H continues to send ridiculously long text and I respond succinctly or not at all. I dont want to keep playing with this narcissist. (I've posted this before). Now he wants to meet with me to talk about our youngest son and about the fall out all the boys had with him two weeks ago. Same stuff. UGH! I don't want to meet with him cuz he never wants to meet with me alone. He always has his mew wife. Dont know whose idea that is.

4) Ex-H and his new wife just had their baby girl in Aug. My boys aren't excited. The step siblings have an aunt that babysits new wifes kids. She constantly tells my children to hug the baby, kiss the baby...aren't you excited about your new sister? My children don't like her much. They'd rather not.

5) The boys had a fall break and told their dad about it and it was in the school newsletter. Well, remember he wants to now call them everyday to see how their day went. They find this weird. So the first day of fall break, they reminded him they didn't go to school. He seemed shocked. Then he said, "I don't just want to talk about school, I want to see how you're doing. Even if you just tell me that you clipped your nails." The boys don't want to talk to him everyday. EXH isnt consistent in the attention he gives them. He seems like he's listening but he isnt. He always brings up the stepkids so my sons would rather not talk to him. They've said this repeatedly. They asked if they could just save the communication for the Fridays he gets to see them. And on their weekend with their dad. He got angry.

5) So on their Friday visit, he brought all this up again. My second son kept telling him that he offers them a choice to come on the visits but if they choose not to come - he gets mad. All my sons are trying to move on already. They know this situation is not what they wanted but it is what it is. But their father just keeps dragging it on. The new wife (NW) kept defending my EX saying that my children should be grateful their dad is alive and wanting to be involved with their lives since her kids lost their dad and dont have him around. She also tried to bring me up as the influencer. My sons tried to defend me and told her not to bring me up since I'm not there and it's not about me.

6) XH text me and said that the children need counseling and he will find a counselor for them because they seem to have so much hate in their hearts. He said he just wants them to be happy and that their mental health is more important than going to the movies, or tv, or sports. Note: I placed my children in counseling soon after he left and the counselor even met with all of them and him. She said that XH doesn't get it. He called her a lunatic. My sons had stopped going to counseling after a year because my children felt like things were improving. XH said that he pays me plenty of money (NOT) to get them help. He really wants a counselor to side with him. HE wants justification that everything he's done and does is ok and the boys need to get over it. UGH!

I did offer to meet with him this week. I said Tues afternoon 1-3p or Fri morning 9-12p. I asked him what would work for you. He hasnt responded yet. I just said "You and I" to mean just us not his wife or anyone else.

So that's my world right now..... A mess.

Miss y'all. I'm lif6ing prayers up right now for y'all, :-)

In His love

vge1

Romans 8:28

P.s. New wife called me one day to discuss why do my children have so much anger in their hearts, I continue to say to give them time. THey need healing. I encourage them to stay with their father. I told her if XH could just spend time with the boys (alone - my boys not hers too). She agreed. Then she disclosed that she wanted to tell me something that she needed closure on.
----- She had an affair with my husband when I was pregnant with my second son ----17 yrs ago. I didnt need to know this. I had no idea. I'm sure she feels better now. Hmmph! It doesnt feel good.

:-)

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Vge you sound like an amazing person that copes wonderfully with all the "mess" in you life. I'm glad your treatment is going well I hope you and your sons can find happiness again soon.

Finding out you H had an affair with thee OW so long ago must have been hard, but it's socking to me why would a woman marry a man that cheated on his wife with her? Maybe it's not your forgiveness she wanted but to get it off her chest so that she stops worrying about it.

Take care of yourself and your family


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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I am so glad you returned and posted an update. You are an inspiration and continue to live your life and handle your situation w/grace and dignity.

I'm glad your health is okay and the chemo is working or you.

Gosh! I can't believe you have a son that graduated and is now working. I'm glad he's doing well.

I'm sorry that your xh is still behaving the way he is. He likes control and he's been losing it w/your children and you. He's realizing that they are growing up and soon, he'll have nothing to complain about.

Please take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you and praying that your meeting w/your xh goes well.

Take care.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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