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I'm so sorry about all of this. It sounds like you've made a decision about your treatment and I do understand that you want to be here w/your children and I can't blame you for that.

Now about your husband. He's not happy w/his life. He's not happy that his older children aren't jumping on the band wagon and cheering him on w/what he's done to their mother and family. He has to blame someone for what they are feeling...but he's doesn't want to look at himself and his behavior as to why they feel the way they do. They are practically grown adults and have feelings and yes, a brain to think things through and have their own thoughts on things.

Demanding and controlling are the two things that NPD personalities exhibit towards their victims. Give him the grades each and every month and hopefully that will stop the nonsense about those...but I will warn you, he'll come up w/something else to demand that you "jump" when he commands. It's a control issue and he still wants to control you and your children every inch of the way.

Please take care of yourself. I am very worried about his attitude towards you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hello vge1,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

You are fighting the good fight against cancer. While the treatment sounds brutal, you seem to be handling it with with grace and faith. I admire your strength!

Your frustration and exhaustion with XH is totally understandable. There are certainly strategies to help you through this cycle.

I urge you to speak with a Divorce Busting coach to help you with the co-parenting issues with XH. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Thanks y'all. This roller coaster is exhausting.
I find myself feeling like a door mat just to keep peace. It seems like I'm bending and being flexible while he is allowed to rant, scream, accuse, criticize my character and lie yet. no one calls him out or if they do -he plays the victim.
His texts are usually so lengthy that I'm having to dig through them to find out what is factual.

I usually don't respond because when I have trying to defend myself my atty said I sounded emotional & he sounded logical.?!?!? That's the narcissist. He is smooth.

Anyway, XH hasn't had a real job since last October. No health insurance for my children until I asked where are the insurance cards. now he only covers the 2 older children (his wife is the primary)but he's complaining that it's costing him $$ & since he doesn't have a job that the premium exceeds 9% of his resources so he's hired another atty. He's also filing for unemployment.

Guess what? He withdrew his 401k and helped open a convenience store next to her bar & soon will open a taco stand as part of the store. But he claims these are all his wife's businesses. nothing is in his name either. Since we live in TX - child support & alimony are only from the ex spouse unless I go back to court $$$$ & try to dig if he's working or owns part of the businesses.

Next step.....more prayer.

In His love
Vge1

Romans 8:28

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I think that I would explore the 401K situation. Did he take the money out of the 401K before the divorce or after? I would have to ask if a portion of that would have been yours regardless since it was in place during the marriage. If so, I would be certainly questioning that situation and wanting my share of it. As for being going for unemployment, he best be careful if he's working for wifey. Someone could very easily turn him in for fraud.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you job. He got to keep his 401k in mediation because it was close to the amount of equity in our home which I was awarded to keep. But I think I'd have to consult an atty to hire a PI to prove "work" for his new wife.
He's got a lot of legal advice coming in for free anyway - a few of her friends & (his cousin is a family atty & former judge).
I'm trying to remain calm & not stress.

On another note, I don't know if OW declared herself married cuz if she did then she loses the social security death benefit of her late husband. I still don't know if they are legally married or just performed a "ceremony". If I wanted to investigate & spend more $$ to prove all this stuff ... Would it be worth it? I'm not going for vengeance just maintain child support, health insurance and spousal support (it isn't much for 14 more months but I need it!)

I need a good job so I don't have to deal with all of his nonsense.

Praying!!

In His love

Vge1

Romans 8:28

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Is there way to check the marriage records at the local court house? That would tell you whether or not they are legally married.

I had so hoped that you could get some of the 401K. What a bummer!

Hang in there! God has a way of turning things around and he doesn't like people being "ugly" to others. Something surely has to turn around for you this year.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job, I know in my state there are on-line, free, court records involving marriage, criminal and civil background checks. In my home state it is titled under "access case records".

But yes, the home county courthouse will also have walk-up access to this information. It is worth a check.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Hi vge - I have been thinking about you, its good to get an update.

Sounds like you have options for your future treatment plan, quite a lot to consider. You have consistently show us courage and strength with your fight against the demon c, so I know you will do what you feel is right for you and your family and not what anyone else feels you should do, sheez, you are such an inspiration!

Your h really can't let you go can he?! The thought of losing his control over you is really showing now that you are no longer biting back. Well done for recognizing that he trying every manipulation tactic he has to get his own way and removing yourself from his crazy. This shows you are gaining your power back, that's great to see vge. Can you see how far you have come since you first joined here - I can, so proud of you my friend.

If you are not clear on what the terms of your mediation agreement are and what you may be entitled to for different scenario's - like your h loss of income, remarriage etc then do seek advice, you dont have to act upon it if you don't want to, but at least you will know where you stand if you do.
Your h has shown no regard for you or your children throughout this time so he deserves no respect or mercy when it comes to making sure you and your family are provided for, its unfortunately the messy business end of this.

Its a new year; renewed faith that life will be calmer and less turbulent, that happiness and peace will descend upon your soul, for you vge deserve nothing less than this.

Good to hear from you :o) Hugs

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I posted something earlier but don't see it & not sure if it went through.?

But maybe it was too long ;-)

Anyway, summary:

Not sure if checking marriage records would do anything but clarify for my sake if it's real.

Other news,
XH said his wife was pregnant back in October but then a friend of mine said that XH posted on FB something different. XH & new wife went for IVF in December & its s girl.
He told me they were expecting a girl in October but then proceeded to post pics of them at the clinic in December with pics of the sonogram of their new embryo.

Ex-SIL said she thinks it's more lies. Her parents didn't know that they were pregnant til SIL told them it was on FB. Along with this huge story about when they got married but kept it quiet since they felt bad and cuz they didn't invite everyone. That they're planning a wedding to invite everyone later.

Anyway, doesn't matter when or how they're pregnant or if she is but why in such hurry?

Getting married, remodeling her home to accommodate all children, have another child by spending thousands of dollars for it to happen, new businesses, trying to get our children to like him & accept everything.

Btw-I've told all my friends and SIL not to keep telling me what's on FB. Don't need to know his platform for approval. I know FB is his stage. Just weird stuff all the time.

Praying for wisdom on how to handle stuff.

In His love

Vge1

Romans 8:28

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I mentioned checking out the records just to clarify his situation for you. You had mentioned he continues to call her his wife and that he's putting businesses in her name, etc. It probably wouldn't matter because it's evident that they are together anyway.

It's evident that they both want people to see that they are blissfully happy and if they are remodeling, they want people to see that they are both on board w/having your children over there and want to "appear" as one big happy family. Unfortunately, it may only happen w/your younger children for a while, but the older ones aren't buying into the happily ever after deal w/those two.

Maybe she's the one rushing the "let's have a child together" to ensure that he won't leave her. Clingy, needy women will use any way to keep the man once she's got her claws into him because she knows that he's very vulnerable right now and this is her best shot of keeping him.

I agree w/you that people need to stop sharing info from FB. They think that they are helping, but really they aren't. They aren't the ones walking in your shoes and it's hurtful to receive this kind of news. If this is his sister telling you this stuff, there could be a hidden agenda and she's hoping that this will discourage you and you will just give him everything to get him to go away. Be careful in what you share w/here.

Please, please take care of yourself. Your children need you now more than ever.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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