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vge1 Offline OP
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Thank you my friends. I've missed y'all.

Thank you for your prayers and support. I know we all need prayers dealing with not only life but ex's too.

Today I tried to reschedule a child support modification meeting set for Thurs. I called the attorney general's office to reschedule it last week and they documented the call. When I called today to find out the new date, she tells me that it doesn't change unless XH also agrees. UGH! I said we arent speaking and I don't know if he'll agree.

sure enough, they called him and he said no.

I practically begged him by text and voicemail to change the date cuz I have a CT scan and dr appt that day. I had gotten the days mixed up and thought it was today but it's Thurs. I told him that I'm on a clinical trial and they don't change appointments.

He refused.

I also said (by text) that I'd still meet with him but he didn't respond. He said in his earlier text that he figured he'd see me Thurs. so that's why he didn't respond to meeting me the other days I suggested.


I said I'd agree to Fri morning or Sunday afternoon. ---- NO RESPONSE.


UGH! Now if I don't show up to this hearing...it'll have to go to court which means Court costs plus more fees. He said that he's strapped and cant afford an attorney. ??? I said if he doesn't reschedule it'll go to court and cost both of us time and money. He still hasn't told me where he's working either.


UPDATE: I've made contact with the last mistress who has his other son -5 yrs old. She said she's been wanting to talk to me but didn't know if I'd talk to her. She responded to my text quite friendly. She said my XH hasn't seen their son in 2yrs (since he moved in with this new woman/wife).

I just told her that maybe we can help each other in our cases...she agreed. We'll talk tonight. I said XH isn't being nice. She said he's evil and she doesn't care for the new wife. She says the new wife is the reason XH doesn't visit his son. It's really both of them cuz when he was married to me, I'd make him drive 6 hrs with me and my children to go visit his son. Remember, I 'm the one who told him to file a paternity suit because she didn't list him on the birth certificate. XH hated the idea of going through a hearing and child support case. He hated driving and he treated his other son differently. I just accepted my stepson as one of my own. It isn't the child's fault on how he came to this earth.

Just like I tell my children that they have a new sister with their dad and it's not her fault she was born under these circumstances. Not forcing love but acknowledge that there's a new baby. Be nice.

So sad. :-(

I'll fill y'all in tomorrow.

In His Love

VGE1

Romans 8:28

Praying for wisdom, protection and discernment. xoxo

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Just got off the phone with the ex mistress. She told me the other side of their story. It sounds more plausible than the XH version.

Turns out he's trying to reduce child support to her - down to $100 per month for their son cuz XH took a $10 hr job. (He used to make close to $100K) Now I know it's hard to find a job. I've been looking too. But really??!! He could've taken a fast food GM position and made close to what he used too.

So she gave me motivation to really buckle down and reveal his true nature - narcissistic personality.

I truly hope everything was genuine and I pray we can work together.

May God bless y'all with protection, love, hope, mercy and wisdom.

In His Love,

VGE1

Romans 8:28

P.S. She also said that he had cheated on her with three other women that worked in the same place as both he and her. I didn't know about those. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me. I don't care and PRAISE GOD that this marriage is behind me. I just continue to pray for my children that they break the generational tendencies and be wise in making life choices.

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I'm glad you spoke to the mistress. Sometimes we have to wait patiently for info to reveal itself and it appears now you have more pieces to the puzzle and can understand a bit more of what is possibly driving this man to do and say the things he's doing.

Did he lose his job or did he resign so that he didn't have to pay more in support to both you and the mistress? Sometimes they do this kind of thing just to stick it to us and the judicial system. Now, he's got another child w/the ow/wife. W/his track record, he may not be w/her for very long either.

I am glad you are out of the marriage...but I will be even happier when this man stops the nasty behavior towards you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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Quote:
Then she disclosed that she wanted to tell me something that she needed closure on.
----- She had an affair with my husband when I was pregnant with my second son ----17 yrs ago. I didnt need to know this. I had no idea. I'm sure she feels better now. Hmmph! It doesnt feel good.


OMG - just read this and almost spit out my tea. Why on EARTH did she feel she needed to tell you this? And how come she can't make the connection that maybe THIS has something to do with why the boys don't like her??? How clueless she must be, to marry your ex. They deserve each other.

About your ex wanting to get the boys back into counseling - ugh. Counseling with a narcissist - been there, got the t-shirt. My ex's idea of marriage counseling was going together to a counselor so he could complain about all of my imperfections. Looking back on it, he never owned any of his own sh!t. But was so charming he could convince the counselors that I was somehow the problem, even though I tw3isted myself into a pretzel trying to be what he wanted. I can see the narcissism clearly now, but didn't realized what I was dealing with at the time.

Now I keep our interactions to a minimum, but his relationships with our grown children are suffering because of his narcissism. Our youngest hasn't spoken to him in a year, and although my son is open to repairing the relationship, he's smart enough to recognize that when his dad suggests counseling, it's all about "fixing" my son, not about my H owning any of his share of responsibility for the breakdown in the relationship. I try to encourage a compassionate Buddhist attitude towards his dad but can't help but understand my son's position.

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Thanks Job and kml.
Y'all are so wise.

Job - XH says he lost his job because the CEO didn't like him. 3 months later he filed unemployment and got it. He wants proof that he doesn't have a job. Then he gets this dumb little job that a high schooler would get just to say he's tried looking. He continues to help his wife run her bar and "her" convenience store. ??$$?? I'm just praying that the judge sees this trick thing he's pulling and doesn't fall for it.

kml - I'm sorry your son has to deal with a narcissistic father too. It's just so sad when our children try to reach out to their parent just to be disappointed. So sad!

I really wouldn't want the counselor to come from his side. I would hope that the counselor's can see past all that and just side with our children. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help my children heal regardless if their dad is on board. I know my XH wants his way and he feels justified in his current lifestyle. It's just sad.

Co=parenting with a narcissist takes so much patience and courage.

Praying for all of you - wisdom, courage, strength and God's DIVINE protection!

These ex spouses are real winners huh? I'm just glad God has given us protection and mercy.

In His Love,

vge1

Romans 8:28

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Hi everyone.

I'm not sure how I feel. I'm crying because my third son didnt want to go on his visit with his dad this weekend. My oldest offered to take all the boys to their dad's to carve pumpkins tonight. My XH said they're also having a small halloween party and he was excited to have all the boys go over. My third son kept crying to me and saying that he didn't want to go. He tried telling his dad that he was just their for the party and wanted to come home. According to my oldest, XH wanted to talk to him alone. I told my oldest he shouldnt have left him alone with his dad. Third son had tears in his eyes and was so sad that he had to stay.

Anyway, I'm sad that they don't want to be there and even though their father says they have a choice in going.over there..they really don't. They have to go. :-(

My oldest tells me again that he doesn't want to know anything about anything because he wants to be neutral. He feels he's placed in the middle.

The last counselor told him that he should be able to live his own life and not be the mediator. He isn't a mediator. I ask him to just be there for his brothers since they look up to him. HE really is the only positive male role model they have. Unfortunately, he's the buffer between the boys and their dad. I would like for the boys to be able to talk to him because even though I'm here for them .. they kinda want to talk to a guy.

I'm looking for a solutions based counselor to help my children heal. I think I need one too.

I also just found out that my XH has agreed to give up his other son (from the affair he had 5 yrs ago). He doesn't have to pay child support because he agreed to give up his parental rights and he's also agreed not to have any contact with him - ever. I'm so so sad. The ex mistress continued to thank me for taking care of her son while he was with me and my XH. She knows I truly cared for him and do love him.

My feelings are all over the place. I'm sad about my sons, their half-brother, and that my marriage fell apart.

Praying!

In His Love

VGE1

Romans 8:28

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I am so sorry that things didn't go well w/your sons visiting their father. It's an unfortunate situation and he is going to have to find a way to repair the damages w/his sons.

I can understand how your oldest son feels. He shouldn't be put in a position to be in the middle of the mess between father and sons. I know you rely on him to keep watch over them, but he's just a young man and he can't do much to take care of his brothers when they are w/their father. I know you would like for him to be the one to listen to his brothers when they talk about their father, but this puts him in an awkward position because he's got thoughts and feelings about the situation as well. It might be better for them to speak to a counselor about how they are feeling or to someone other than their brother.

As for your xh giving up his other son. I'm sorry about that...but some of them do this to get out of paying child support. Eventually, they do regret that decision.

Please try to keep the focus on you and your sons. Your health is very important now and you don't need any added stressors at this time. I know you speak to the mistress about what is going on, but that is her battle to fight. You've got a whole of stuff on your plate right now and your focus has to be on your health and your sons.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Job. I value your posts since they hit the right things at the right times.


Children went to their dad's last weekend and third son crying. XH told him that he will not let him come home regardless of what he said about the boys having choices to come on the visits. HE said that until they are 18 then they must go on the visits because he's their father. So my son said he avoided his dad the entire weekend. L-:(


I received another text from XH (they don't end)

He said that the office of attorney general will be deducting child support from his paycheck. Remember he makes $8 pr hr part-time. And he said that his resources have been exhausted, including his parents, his wife and his old 401K. Of course he didn't mention that he gave up parental rights to other son and doesn't have to pay child support to other child from the ex-mistress. ???HMMM?? I haven't called him out on ANY THING!

Remember last Nov he said his wife would support him if he managed the bar. I asked him about his 401K and he said he'd use it to payoff our student loans (per divorce decree)

One month after this conversation, they opened a convenience store. No mention of the store to me nor if he became her manager/ I thought it was with the 401K money that they opened the store but the business is under her name. He's made sure to let everyone know I(including my son's scbools that these are her businesses and that his employment is at this small retailer. ???


I know he's trying real hard to reduce the support. I'm trying not to freak out. I still have chemo every wk and those bills are mounting. I pay what I can.

The child support pays the mortgage, water and a small amount of the electric bill. Doesn't cover the rest - phones, internet, insurance, food, gas, car maintenance, house maintenance, medical, haircuts, clothing, entertainment, gifts. Expenses add up.

I clip coupons, budget, belong to so many money saving blogs, mystery shopping, websites with codes for free stuff, etc.

PRaying for a good paying job that's flexible for me chemo schedule so that I'll be able to support me and my children regardless of what he pays. Makes me angry that he's pulled this stunt. Even if he doesn't want to do food service- he has a degree, tons of connections and so much experience. And why part=time?

Again, I'm trying to breath and take care of myself for my precious babies. I don't want to stress out. I don't want to stress them out either.

Breathing! Praying for wisdom, discernment, proptection!

In His Love
VGE1

Romans 8:28

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vge1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: vge1
Thank you Job. I value your posts since they hit the right things at the right times.


Children went to their dad's last weekend and third son crying. XH told him that he will not let him come home regardless of what he said about the boys having choices to come on the visits. HE said that until they are 18 then they must go on the visits because he's their father. So my son said he avoided his dad the entire weekend. L-:(


I received another text from XH (they don't end)

He said that the office of attorney general will be deducting child support from his paycheck. Remember he makes $8 pr hr part-time. And he said that his resources have been exhausted, including his parents, his wife and his old 401K. Of course he didn't mention that he gave up parental rights to other son and doesn't have to pay child support to other child from the ex-mistress. ???HMMM?? I haven't called him out on ANY THING!

Remember last Nov he said his wife would support him if he managed the bar. I asked him about his 401K and he said he'd use it to payoff our student loans (per divorce decree)

One month after this conversation, they opened a convenience store. No mention of the store to me nor if he became her manager/ I thought it was with the 401K money that they opened the store but the business is under her name. He's made sure to let everyone know I(including my son's scbools that these are her businesses and that his employment is at this small retailer. ???


I know he's trying real hard to reduce the support. I'm trying not to freak out. I still have chemo every wk and those bills are mounting. I pay what I can.

The child support pays the mortgage, water and a small amount of the electric bill. Doesn't cover the rest - phones, internet, insurance, food, gas, car maintenance, house maintenance, medical, haircuts, clothing, entertainment, gifts. Expenses add up.

I clip coupons, budget, belong to so many money saving blogs, mystery shopping, websites with codes for free stuff, etc.

PRaying for a good paying job that's flexible for me chemo schedule so that I'll be able to support me and my children regardless of what he pays. Makes me angry that he's pulled this stunt. Even if he doesn't want to do food service- he has a degree, tons of connections and so much experience. And why part=time?

Again, I'm trying to breath and take care of myself for my precious babies. I don't want to stress out. I don't want to stress them out either.

Breathing! Praying for wisdom, discernment, proptection!

In His Love
VGE1

Romans 8:28

Ex-mistress clarified that the job he took pays $8 instead of what I guessed at #10. And part time at that. Grrr!

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I'm so sorry he is being so cruel with you and the boys vge frown

I reall have no advice, what could anyone say about a father that is simply looking for any excuse to stop supporting his family. I wish that you will get better soon so you can gain you independence.

(((Hugs)))


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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