Trying to get a hold of the attorney. texts. calls. UGH!!
I finally got a text from her to say that she has tried to contact his atty and would call me later today. Then this afternoon I get a notification that a deposit was made to one of our joint chk accts. It was a small amount. So I text H and asked why such a small amt to which he said it was to pay his CC bill.
Then I reiterated the need for money to be put back into the main acct since there are some bills getting paid automatically. That did it- UGH!
H sent this 6 part text that he was going to change all payments to mail statements so he can control ALL the finances. He also said that he's been left without money (not true) when he needs it for gas or food for our children (lie)so that now he wants all bills due dates payments etc. H says he will ensure that there will be plenty of money for me and our sons. He also said that he wants to take over the finances to relieve me of my stress and responsibility.
I found out he opened two new credit accts since last Nov. It shows that he's been paying his bills on time but I question how? Where did he get the money to pay these bills cuz they weren't paid from the main acct. Hmm?!
His actions and lack of consideration are the stressors. I seriously wonder why he wants all this info now since I have been running the household and never limited or prohibited him to access to our money. I also never drained the accts. He has used the debit card for our children and himself and lately his gf. So what's to say he will actually pay my mortgage, car insurance, groceries, electric bill. He could put my finances in worse shape.
LORD I NEED A WELL PAYING JOB! Help me to be healed so that I am able to work and have good insurance to help me.
I just want this D over with. I know the alimony/maintenance and child support will be very little but I need peace. I need him off of me. So far, h has controlled this whole situation and I have remained quiet to an extent cuz I really don't need his stress.
It's almost as each of our MLC stories boggle the mind. The MLC'er makes no sense. They're not thinking.
I pray each day for the Lord to not only protect and heal me and my family but also for my H, OW, MIL, FIL, SIL. My the Lord touch their minds, hearts and lips with a refining fire. That the Lord speak to them so that they will speak and show mercy towards me and my children.
My fellow forum members - I pray for y'all too. Y'all continue to amaze me.
In the post above, you mention a stressful text exchange. You mention how you need to find a high-paying job. I hear you mention the need to have this divorce handled, over and done.
I hear you engage in three massively stressful issues.
First off, why the text exchange? Would you expect Satan to text back and say, "Awww, I'm a dummy. I'll put the money in the account ASAP."
Nope. Satan would respond, "Up yours lady."
Satan doesn't care if you live or die. Have money or don't.
Stay in His light Vge. That's your safe place.
Let the attorney deal with all this. Let the attorney deal with Satan. The less you see, hear, text, imagine, or allow yourself to be irritated by Satan... the better :-)
By the by, I've been there/done that and have the t-shirt.
Your h's evil twin simply doesn't care right now about your well-being. If you were advising someone in your situation right now, would you encourage them to interact with the devil?
YOU chose to interact which lead to a stressful exchange. Unless you have no food on the table and there's an impending eviction, let your atty handle this one.
BE HERE NOW. Today, you are OK. You just received this awesome news about your health. Embrace that.
It's working. So, keep doing what's working. Keep Satan at bay, focus on today. Enjoy your children. Don't fret about the bills or the job or the bank account. HE will provide. He just will.
HE has gotten you this far, HE ain't gonna abandon you now.
Dang. I needed to hear that myself.
Thanks, Vge.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I know calling him Satan is a bit strong. I guess, for me, it helps when I keep things grounded in black and white...or dark and light.
I think my h was very vulnerable to the dark thanks to a fairly wicked upbringing and his history of escape into drugs. He may have been a walking target.
I know there's still goodness and, I'm certain, a lot of pain inside him. But, after 3+ years of this, I've finally reached the point where I see he isn't open to any persuasion back to the light on my part. I can't say he was ever very open to the light, he seems more content in the darkness. It's what he knows.
And, when he has done things like what your h did with the money, I'd get myself all twisted and infected with the situation. I'd reach out and try to force him to embrace his wrongdoing. Even if I received some acknowledgement of the wrongdoing, I'm not sure it was worth it because I'd get so worked up and hopeful and angry and blah, blah, blah.
Quite honestly, it's those times when I've prayed or tried to connect to his soul in meditation when I've seen the most progress. i don't really do it anymore, sadly because he seems so far away from my life. For a time, however, I meditated daily telling him how much he was loved and missed. In those times, he would peak out of the rabbit hole.
I really think you are on the right track when you stick to prayer in this situation. He is a quagmire of toxicity right now. Ironic isn't it? YOU being the one getting all the bad stuff to kill the cancer and your H being the one who packed to the hilt with toxicity? Weird. HE works in mysterious ways.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I have some questions...my atty receives so many of my texts begging her to call me, voicemails telling her to call me and ....nothing. FRUSTRATING!! Is this common?
Anyway, Finally have an appt today with her. I gotta spew this stuff cuz I don't know what I should do.
On Friday, my H was going to take 2 of the boys to a baseball game (with OW & one of her children of course). My other 2 boys declined. He said he'd pick them up at 4:30p then later received a text that he's picking them up at 1:30p.& taking them swimming first. I never prohibited nor did I raise a fuss that he can see our children besides the visitations.
On Saturday, my son calls me and says that H called to see if they want to go to the movies. (***It's my weekend & he never called or text me***). DS said no cuz we're doing something with mom. So H starts to question of where are we going? etc..
I was upset. So I text him the following:
Me: "FYI. This is my wknd and why are you trying to call the house and take the boys out? Call or text me first if you want the boys on my days."
H: Calm Down!!! I'm just trying to spend as much time with my sons as possible. They said you were taking them out early (never said that) so I thought I would try to see them later in the day this weekend since you refused (I didn't refuse instead I switched to the following wknd) to switch days with me as requested due to me being out of town next week. Technically it would be my weekend and I would have every right to take them to Florida with me. (They all declined and refuse to go to Florida with him and OW) I do want joint custody. We already share them 50/50 anyway. They are my sons as much as they are yours and you get them everyday and every night. Again..I'm just trying to see my sons as much as possible. You should be happy they have a father that wants to see them and is trying to spend quality time with his sons."
I didn't respond. UGH!! It seems like my words got twisted.All I was trying to get at was that I would appreciate a request instead of a demand of when to see his children.
Beside, the visitations are not only with him. They always have her. I get it. He wants her in his life. I'm passed that now. Geez! But can't he and I talk separately?
I also received a letter from my bank that he wants all the bank stmts delivered to his address (OW house). Now she'll know all my business.
Okay - advice.
Did I say this wrong? did I do this wrong? I just want him to communicate with me instead of using the boys as messengers or dictating his visitations.
Anyway, hoping atty can help with this business. I am so done with his junk.
Please pray this atty mtg is productive. I can't afford all of this nonsense. No stress!!!
I would text him and say something like this: "h, it would be most helpful to all of us if you would run your requests for time w/the children by me. There are times when we may have plans and/or I am in the process of making plans for the children, when they will not always be privy too beforehand. I am more than willing to work w/you on the visitation and again, it would be help to both of us if we could coordinate times to spend w/the children on the weekends. Thanks!"
I wouldn't like my bank statements going to her house. That's getting far too much into your personal business. It's almost like he thinks you are spending money on stuff not associated w/the kids and the bills. Can he not see the statements on line from the bank?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I've been reading along...you are such a tower of strength. You amaze me!
As for the bank situation, are both of your names on the account? If yes, then I would visit the bank branch manager in his/her private office and give them a brief background of your stich (you are fighting cancer, your H has run off with the Ow and his living with her). Then request that they continue sending statements to your house because you do not want the OW to have access to YOUR bank account.
One can never know if the bank branch manager may have had a brush with the OW/OM and would certainly frown on H's latest moves.
I spoke to my atty & I really can't prevent him from having the statements delivered to him but I did request copies to be sent to me too since the accts are completely joint he can do whatever he wants really as I can too. The bank has a separation/divorce department that deals with this stuff. (who knew?)
My atty kinda seemed miffed when I told her that I didn't feel like she was doing her job. She said - sorry you feel that way but you've got it made. She said she's been trying to keep stuff away from me so that I don't stress. I have the boys, the house, the van, all the stuff inside the house and able to run the household without a glitch - TIL NOW!! H continues to do what he wants no matter what I, his children or what his atty says. Hmmm?
While I was in her ofc she called H atty. His atty is having problems getting my H to follow the court order. His atty has had to go through my H cousin (the influential lawyer/judge) cuz my H isn't returning calls.
H must figure that if he withdraws the D, he can control the $,live with his mistress and visit our kids like he's this happy in control of his life guy with no consequences.
Anyway, we'll see what happens tomorrow. H pychk may not come in to the joint acct so I have to be prepared to give him the list of bills - and request money til the divorce goes through. I really didn't want him to have the acct #'s so atty said I should just show him the bills and tell him to give me the money. UGH!!!!!
BTW job - I like the text idea. Sounds civil but H is an alien so he won't care what I say - he'll turn it around. Remember - he thinks he's the victim.
H and OW & her kids got back from their vacation late Thurs. Today, H took our children to the lake with his parents, the OW & one of her children.
When my children came home, my DS16 was sooo upset and frustrated.
All my H kept talking about was how that he has no money.
H was ranting how I took all the money leaving him with only $200 and he spent $100 today so he's left with nothing. H also complained that all the stuff in the house stays and why do I need the utility trailer.
DS16 said he told him, "it was your choice to leave." H didn't listen to what my son said. Instead H kept getting louder in tone stating that people are offering him money, his parents, OW, friends, etc. cuz they feel bad for him. H also said, "I know God will get me through this." UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling you - he plays the victim so well.
I'm fighting cancer, trying to raise our children, trying to find a job, and he feels like I'm living it up. I'm sure he tells everyone how "easy" I have it.
I'm so mad at what he's doing.
I keep telling my children to tell their dad that they don't understand and really don't want to talk about the D. They don't understand. If anything, it's not helping how they feel about him.
I told my children not to worry and that it isn't their fault for all of this. They really don't need to know about all the financial stuff since that's between their dad and me.
How do I stop my H from talking about this nonsense with our children?
Lord help me. Lord grant me guidance, wisdom and strength.
MLCers play the victim to perfection. It is their starring role. And how boring for OW
They do not think about what they are saying and doing - they are running on overcharged emotions, like an out of control teenager/toddler. And can those two age groups emote!!
It is awful for you, but it is all about them.
If you can try and laugh at his antics it will help but it is hard when they are doing so much damage. To this day my xh blames me for his poor relationships with this children - relationships which I have tried to facilitate.
They see what they want to see, not that they live in a network of responsibilities and obligations, like any adult.
It is especially hard for you because you are battling cancer. I also had cancer while this was going on, and went through the treatment (now in full remissions) so I have an inkling of how hard it must be.
Please believe me when I say that it does get better. They do calm down eventually and move to the next phase of their miserable lives.
Take care and focus on getting through your own ordeal. I can assure you that no decent person is impressed with your husband's antics
