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2BHappy Offline OP
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H just announced once he starts to feel better he is going to take martial arts and might compete again in tournaments.
Hmmmmm....ok


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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job Offline
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MLeigh has given you some good ideas on what to do for your anniversary. You can even go one step further and do something really nice for yourself on that day, i.e., purchase some nice flowers, schedule a spa day, go out to your favorite eatery, etc.

As for hubby, some nice little treats at the house where he can snack away. Maybe even a ticket to a movie he's been wanting to see. Gifts for anniversaries can be so over rated at times, just like Valentine's Day. It's the thought that counts...but whatever you do, do it because you want to, not because you feel obligated to do so.


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2BHappy Offline OP
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You both have great ideas.
I dont think I will treat myself, not for this occasion. I dont feel the need to celebrate our anniversary. I will get a just n case card but no gift.

Spent last night with 3 month old, Ss34 youngest child, babies are sweet and cuddly. H was happy to spend time with her this morning. S15 even enjoyed her visit, we all needed some sweet baby time.
But now Im ready for parents to pick up sweet baby so I can relax, read, have glass wine and get ready for a very busy work week.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Sooo
I come home today, H tells me he is meeting a friend at 645 to pick up some movies....
I start to get dressed to get ready to go to a football game. H says are u going someplace, i say yes s15 and I r going to a game, H says if he had known I had plans he would have worked OT today.
I said you could have ask me...I said we never know when ur working or how late so how are we to plan our life around you?
He stormed out the room, out the house and slammed the door...

I did not remind him that he just told me Saturday he planned to work OT every day...not that I would have made an effort to tell him about s15 and I plan to go to football game today ...


This is new.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Today is anniversary day.

NO card or gift from H on the table (this is where he normally leaves my gifts), not yet at least?

Surprised myself, I had no long emotional fall out. I went from hmmmm interesting (did he 4get, did someone remind him last year (sisternlaw)), to sad, to mad, to "oh well" very quickly this morning.

I have my card on stand by, the card on the front says "I only have one word to say to you" inside the card all together it says "thankyouverymuch" I then planned to write under that,,,
"for all you do for us" then "happy anniversary" It is a Thank You card. I went to one discount card store and could not find any non mushy cards anniversay cards so I went with this one.

SO IF he does not bring it up, I have no plans to mention it at all to him.

Dang....what does this mean?


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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So I get home
Coffee maker on table with a post it note which says "i did not forget".

I dont want a anniversary gift at all.
I dont need a coffee maker cause I will drink too much.
What should I do, leave the thank you card and be done.
OR Tell him the truth, I don't want to get an anniversary gift from a H who does not wear his ring or honor our marriage vows, he can take coffee maker back.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Dang it.
He comes in door, I say thanks glad u did not forget. I dont need coffee maker, no need for you to get me a gift.
why are we celebrating anniversary, with a gift.
He said "I tried to do something nice".
I told him thanks again, but I dont want obligation gift.

Dang I was hoping he was at work and I woukd get feedback help here.

Now what...


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
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Then
I go to him and ask if he understands where Im coming from and that Im not being ungrateful.
H says you are ungrateful.
I ask if he wants to talk H says he has nothing to say.
I tell him I dont want a anniversary gift, i see no reason for us to celebrate.
I said birthday or Christmas but not anniversary.
I ask again if he is going to respond. H says I have nothing to say.
I guess he is going to work at 6. I cannot stay in house so I say Ok and slammed door (poor door) and now heading for a pedi to cool down and shut my mouth.
Oh wow...this not good. I was good until H came in door, if only I had turned back and left before he came back home from wherever.

Help need advice


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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As you have pointed out previously, I can be blunt with my advice. Well, this is going to be one of those times. Have you not listened to any of the advice that the posters have given you since you came here? If you continue to behave this way towards your h, he's going to completely give up on doing anything for you and you'll be here complaining about that.

You want advice? APOLOGIZE!

I had a feeling he didn't forget. He got you a gift and you basically threw it back in his face all because he's not wearing his ring and not jumping your bones and proclaiming his undying love for you. Guess what...he's right...you were unappreciative of the effort he had made. It's the thought that counts.

Do you have any idea how many people who are going through this stuff would have been happy that their spouses remembered their anniversaries? You are a very lucky woman that still has her h at home, wants to do some things w/you and recognizes anniversaries, etc. Gosh, so many don't have that type of behavior going on. They have spoiled, selfish, self-centered people making their lives a misery.

So, my question to you is this....what are you expecting him to do for you? He's in crisis and it takes a very long time for them to get through it? One minute you want him to do something for you, the next you don't. You need to make up your mind as to whether you are going to stand for your marriage and weather the storms or bust down the door and call it quits.

You need to seriously sit down and think about whether you want your marriage and your h in your life or not. If you continue to shoot him down like this, he could very well decide it's time to call it quits. Now what are you going to do to get this back on track? I say APOLOGIZE!

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HAppy .... job is right.

I read your sitch and comment little, there is alot of focus on how upset you are over this that and the other. He did in fact get 'something' ..... you fell into a trap we all know to well called "Expectations" .... not sure what you were expecting but obviously the coffee maker fell short of that.

I have not received nor given an anniversary gift in 2 years, nor have I expected/thought it was appropriate. Seems like you were baiting a trap just waiting to toss whatever he did at him, especially if he did nothing.

Blowing up at them when they do at least show some effort, is not being the lighthouse, nor paving a smooth road home ... as job said ... you might want to really think about what you want and start pointing your ship in that direction, its hard enough as it is.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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