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Originally Posted By: photoka
Thank you for sharing your experience, I am new here and learning a lot. I think you are doing a good job.

You're welcome. However, I feel I was doing much better a year ago--reading my earlier threads is reminding me. But I am trying to get back on track. This is a great support system.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
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Day 2: reclaiming my home

It was a good day. S didn't want to go to camp so we hung out together. I spent a ton of money on resources for my tutoring ugh. I''m starting to get a little panicky right now about that.
Made a good dinner.
H is trying get me to react. He apparently covered up the tattoo that had my name and the kids name with some weird black monstrosity. And of course he is walking around with a cut off shirt and making sure I am in his line of vision. He saw me looking but I didn't react.

This is a total MLC tattoo. And also a way to prove to me he is so done. My heart is racing. I'm dying to make some nasty comment about it. But I won't. Why did seeing that break my heart a little more? Honestly he looks nasty. Definitely no physical attraction for him right now. Good luck to OW.

Then he came into the room where me and the kids were watching TV and changed the channel. Trying to get me to leave. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Also heard from L that we have a court date for D for September. Here we go.

Last edited by mustardseed; 07/01/15 12:05 AM.

40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Wow, that is tough. The channel changing is so passive agressive. He is trying to bait you. I think the best thing to do is keep it easy breezy and don't give him a reaction. Either something like, "oh,thanks! I was dying to watch this but I was too lazy to change the channel." Or what about just getting up and smiling and inviting the kids to have some ice cream with you, or something? Or go out yourself -- with a smile as if that had been your plan all along.

It will frustrate and confuse him when he gets the opposite reaction he's expecting...and make you feel empowered.

Hang in there


Me 38 H 40
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Originally Posted By: claire7
Wow, that is tough. The channel changing is so passive agressive. He is trying to bait you. I think the best thing to do is keep it easy breezy and don't give him a reaction. Either something like, "oh,thanks! I was dying to watch this but I was too lazy to change the channel." Or what about just getting up and smiling and inviting the kids to have some ice cream with you, or something? Or go out yourself -- with a smile as if that had been your plan all along.

It will frustrate and confuse him when he gets the opposite reaction he's expecting...and make you feel empowered.

Hang in there

The channel changing actually ended up being fine. He turned on the soccer game and it was a good game. I think it annoyed him that I was interested in it, he watched from the dining room because he doesn't want to be in the same room as me, and when D and I had a question about the clock he ignored me but answered her. What a baby. I kept it easy breezy. It actually wasn't so hard because D12 has been upset about the fact everyone is always separate now, so I kept telling myself I am doing it for her.

I was invited to go to an arts event with my aunt and some of her friends later this week. I'm looking forward to it. Live music, open bar, girls' night out. I'm starting to feel optimistic. Now I just need to find a job.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
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D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Msd

Be safe, please above all be safe. Claiming your home is good and I am concerned that WH may get aggressive.

At the first sign please get help.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I will. I've been reading through my posts from the beginning. I can't believe how far I have come. Not so much in saving my marriage, but in realizing how unhealthy our relationship has been. I spent so much time tip toeing around him. Wanting to please. Being so codependent. I was so worried about him all the time. He was so manipulative the whole time. I feel like I have back slid, and I have because I went back to reacting rather than letting go. I also stopped being afraid of speaking my mind, which led me to say a lot of things I shouldn't have. I sunk to new lows and he used it against me in really awful ways.
He is using all of the tools at his disposal. I'm sure his skank and his very strange lawyer are egging him on. Every time I lose my [censored] he gains leverage. I have to stop doing that.

My mom is awesome. I was mad at first that she accused me of feeling sorry for myself. I am terrified. I don't think I am feeling sorry for myself, but I am so scared. However, I get her point. I am letting him terrorize me. I am behaving in ways that are a direct response to his behaviors--I'm doing exactly what he wants. I need to turn that around. I can't let him intimidate me.

And reading over my posts from the last--lord--20 months or so--shows me that none of this is new. This is who he is, it is just that I used to make him the priority. Everything I did was based on what I thought would make him happy. Now that I am not doing that anymore he is showing his really ugly side. He hates me for outing is R with OW. He hates me for making it public and for not giving a crap if our neighbors (his coworkers) hear us fighting about it. I know it is immature, and I should have some shame in airing our dirty laundry, but I would rather they see me lose my [censored] over it, then see me be the only idiot who doesn't know. They all must know about this R he has with her, my kids are the ones who told me. If they see it as students, his coworkers must also see it.

However, he is humiliated, and he is out for blood.

I just filed for unemployment benefits. Ugh. I have some running around to do today, then I need to finalize my schedule for tutoring. And apply for at least 2 jobs today. Those are my goals. I have a big tray of ziti made, and some london broil marinating so I don't have to worry about dinner.

S13 doesn't want to go to camp again. He has a cough--I think it is allergy related--but now I am starting to worry that he is retreating, or that he is afraid to leave me alone. I'll have to address this.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Day 3 of reclaiming my home.

Roller coaster emotions. Rereading my posts brought back some old pain. Old hope that is lost. Old optimism that is shattered now that I have lost my dream job and the dream of saving this broken marriage. My life felt like an open book last summer, and now it feels like a tragic ending. I think the job loss is really hard for me to accept because I lost my confidence in my abilities to excel in the career path I chose. I don't know if I will be able to get it back.

But I pulled myself up when I felt down. Heard my mother's words--STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND RECLAIM YOUR HOME AND CHILDREN. So I did what I could.

I did everything I could from my to do list. Waiting to hear back from parents to set up my schedule for next week. That is stressing me out, but it will all come together I'm sure.

S13 decided to go to camp tomorrow, which is good. I have plans tomorrow night and H is going to take the kids out to dinner. He has actually been civil to me today. I had some questions for him about mail and other household tidbits and he answered with civility--first time since Memorial Day weekend that he treated me like someone who isn't an enemy. I didn't feel any tension, but he did spend a lot of time outside cleaning his car. Maybe my change in attitude is helping. I'm not holding out hope that we are going to be ready to fix our R, but I am hopeful that maybe some of the hateful feelings might not have to loom over us all of the time.

Who knows. I'm not going to put too much stake in the "not-so-awful" interactions of today. But I am going to appreciate the fact that I don't feel ok about being home right now. I look forward to my tomorrow plans. It should be fun.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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Originally Posted By: mustardseed
But I am going to appreciate the fact that I don't feel ok about being home right now.
That's how it should read.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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You are very precious you know. You are growing be aware that claiming your space may escalate WH behaviour as he will have lost control.

The light of truth shines bright, you need never be concerned with the light of truth

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Originally Posted By: mustardseed
But I am going to appreciate the fact that I don't feel ok about being home right now.
That's how it should read.


Doing great, keep it up smile


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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