Journaling (Father's Day edition): Started the day off lazily. Coffee on the patio and miscellaneous errands around the house. Met a friend at church and then headed over to pick up the kids.
The kid exchange was fairly uneventful. I opened up a card and gifts from the kids. I kept the interaction with STBX businesslike but cordial. The visit was brief because I told D4 I was starving for lunch.
Enjoyed lunch at D4's favorite restaurant and then picked up some more flowers to plant on the patio. Took the kids on a wagon ride and then grilled up some bratwursts. Assembled a makeshift tent downstairs, made vanilla coke slurpees, and pigged out on popcorn while we watched a movie.
STBX called to talk with kids on her way to work. Immediately put the kids on speakerphone and after a few minutes I said goodbye. Again, very businesslike but not mean.
Thanks for all the Father's Day wishes! I truly had a special day with my kids. I will try to cherish this day for as long as possible. For tomorrow morning, my L's retainer agreement will arrive to my email inbox.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Kind of a rocky day so far. Received and completed my L's retainer agreement. Then, my STBX posted a goofy Instagram video of herself and it triggered me a bit. In the video, I saw the personality of STBX that made me fall in love with her. It stinks to see her so happy without me and knowing that I am not a part of her life in that way anymore.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I've read quite a few (mine included) of people who R and find out the WAS wasn't as happy as they played it off to be. Not saying this is the case with your W but you don't really KNOW what it is.
I unfriended H on FB bc I knew he was watching what I was doing and I also didn't want to see him doing other things.
I think she might be GAL'ing you hoping you'll pursue.
The fact you are attracted to her again is encouraging. Wayards are black souls with empty eyes devoid of vitality. I think this further confirms that she's not "dating" or otherwise seeing OM anymore.
Maybe not.
Ask her to take a trip with you....maybe the 4th of July weekend???
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
T0, Good to hear from you. You are right, nothing good comes from mindreading. Anyway, I really don't know who STBX is anymore.
Originally Posted By: Georgia Bulldogs
Wayards are black souls with empty eyes devoid of vitality.
GB, Whenever I'm feeling down, I will think of this ^^^. I love it.
In regards to STBX's mindset, she has a high school friend in town this week. Over the weekend, they're going to head out of town. Who knows where her head is at?
About that suggestion of a trip, both of us have to work July 4th. But, I thought now is the time to really pull back. I mean, she served me D papers on Friday.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
And so what have you been posting to show your GAL?
Take the kids out on the 4th and just have a great time with them. Don't even bother with your W. She's having fun without you.
Hey Mr. Bond, Thanks for stopping by! I always appreciate your take on my sitch.
I was just invited to a 4th of July BBQ. Maybe I'll take the kids...
In response to your question about my GAL, I have quite a few things going on. However, my approach has been one of radio silence when it comes to social media. I don't want to be the guy trying to outdo my STBX on Instagram. But, whenever I FaceTime with STBX, I'm usually in my car going somewhere or out at a restaurant, etc. Or, I'll wear a shirt that accentuates my tan when STBX drops off the kids.
But I dunno. Maybe it's time to flaunt a little more?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
T0, Good to hear from you. You are right, nothing good comes from mindreading. Anyway, I really don't know who STBX is anymore.
Originally Posted By: Georgia Bulldogs
Wayards are black souls with empty eyes devoid of vitality.
GB, Whenever I'm feeling down, I will think of this ^^^. I love it.
In regards to STBX's mindset, she has a high school friend in town this week. Over the weekend, they're going to head out of town. Who knows where her head is at?
About that suggestion of a trip, both of us have to work July 4th. But, I thought now is the time to really pull back. I mean, she served me D papers on Friday.
You don't have to be reactive. I'd rather see you acting "as if". As if she belongs with you and you are a confident fun loving guy that she should want to be around.
Invite her and her girlfriend over for a cook out or something, then be a great guy and entertainer. Nothing better than having her girlfriend tell her "If you don't want him, I'd love to have him" or tell her "what the F are you thinking, he is awesome". Engage both of them and make your wife 'pursue' being the focal point of your conversation and attention.
IF your wife had filed for divorce, was still treating you angrily and was still confirmed to be dating and pursuing OM, THEN, I'd say it's time to "drop the rope" and wait for the affair to die. That's NOT your situation. I actually think your missing your opportunity to guide her home. Ignore the divorce filing. It sounds like she set the date a month ago when she was still upset about exposure and unsure. Her attorney made her set a date (way wards are highly susceptible to influence like that....her attorney likely knows how indecisive way wards are so he pushed her to set a date.
Of course, if you want a divorce, that is your right. But if you don't pursue her sometimes, she's going to stop pursuing you for good. Waywards think they are cool and have found the fountain of youth. Your wife is like a high school mean girl. She expects as part of her selfish entitlement to have YOU chasing her to prove you really do care and cherish her because the affair was, in her mind, partially your fault (if only you were a more loving cherishing husband she never would have considered cheating). It's not fair. It's a lie that she needs to untangle in recovery but it's her line of thinking today.
What's the point of GAL'ing if not to get your wayward wife to pursue you and have second thoughts? Defacto's wife is....so go for it in small intense and small detached increments. Heck, just FaceTime her and talk/listen. I spent HOURS even days talking my wife off the wayward ledge.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/23/1512:49 PM. Reason: META
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
