I need advice quick...please help

[teach3]

Ok I have been posting here for a couple of weeks. We are on vacation and I wake up this morning to a text from H saying he will be home in 2 weeks and he will be happy. I don't know what to do or say. I haven't understood any of this and now I'm very confused. I need some experienced advice- PLEASE !!

[Matt777]

First, I'm so happy for you for this starting point!

Go. Slowly.
I wouldn't really change ANYTHING you are doing.

I'll let one of the experts chime in on how to respond to the text. But I'm thinking anything more than "ok" is likely unnecessary at this point.

[teach3]

Thank you Matt....honestly I'm just so shocked.

[teach3]

Matt just went with ok. His behavior is so strange. I feel very nervous about him coming home. I know it's not going to be easy. I'm just going to stick with what I'm doing.

[Bob723]

Hello Teach!

I think you should just stick to what you are doing now.

Anybody else have a different point of view?

Regards,

Bob

[teach3]

So H called tonight, first time in weeks that he called me. He said he was hurt that I hadn't been texting or calling him...which is so crazy because he actually said at one point to never contact him again. NC and giving him time and space must have helped.

He actually said tonight that he was shocked that he hurt his kids feelings and mine. He said it wasn't his intention to do that. I didnt say anything, I just listened but in my head I was screaming WTH!

He is so consumed with his own feelings that he doesn't even see our sides. This is going to be a process. I'm so thankful that I found this place.

[Bob723]

Hi Teach,

Thanks for the update. Try to have no expectations but it does seem like NC has him confused.

Keep up the good work.

Bob

[Matt777]

Teach -
Time to brush up on the validation cheat sheet. Instead of staying quiet, start to validate so he knows that you're hearing him and can feel that you're "on his side".

Keep going. Step by step.

[Bob723]

Teach,

Matt does have a good point. In your case, that may be the way to go now. I see what Matt means. Hmmm....

Any others want to chime in?

I wish you well.

Bob

[Matt777]

Teach,

Matt does have a good point. In your case, that may be the way to go now. I see what Matt means. Hmmm....

Any others want to chime in?

I wish you well.

Bob

To be clear, don't start pursuing. But it seems like he may start contacting you more often. When he does, THEN you pull out the cheat sheet.