In which I'm feeling lost, but will perservere

[Elly4]

Thanks, Matt. I have a habit of skipping ahead in my thoughts and forgetting to breathe and ground myself. The elephant analogy is perfect.

Thanks for your confidence! It really helps when mine is low.

E

[PigPen]

Chin up Eirinn, it's a daily battle. Sometimes it's a minute by minute battle.

My buddy told me that after his W left he had 15 minutes of happiness one day after about a year. (broke my heart to hear this) Then he said a week later, he had 30 minutes of happiness. Then a whole day. Then two days, that were followed by 3 days of misery. Then three days of happiness...you get the picture.

Matt's right. It [censored]. Royally. And it's not fair. None of it.

You've just got to fight and fight and fight to find a way to put your mind onto something else or make the best of it. DB principles of using it as a way to improve yourself is a great help.

Keep taking it day by day, minute by minute if you need to. There's a lot of support on this board, if you need it, people will reach out and give it to you!

Big hug,
PP

[Bob723]

Thanks, Bob! The verse does help. I cried some today which helped and I took a lot of time just for me.

Oh and I feel very special. Your last post to me was your 1,000th post!

Of course, Eirinn, you're so welcome. I'm glad that the verse helps and you had some "productive cries." Taking time for you - priceless.

Also priceless was this: "Oh and I feel very special. Your last post to me was your 1,000th post!" You brought such a huge smile to my face. First, you are special. Second, I had no idea I've made that many posts on this forum. LOL

I loved PigPen's last post. Very well-written, I hope you find that helpful, too.

xoxo

Bob

[Elly4]

PP, thank you so much for taking the time to visit my sitch. I had a serious pity fest yesterday after Bob pointing out my grief, and today has been better. I know that this is a journey and there will be rainy days as well as sunny days. So rather than focusing on what can go wrong later, I'm enjoying the moment today.

Everytime someone brings up my R with my H, I clearly state that I am NOT giving up on our marriage. I just won't do it.

Thank you so much for the hug and the kind, helpful reminders

Hugs back

E

[Elly4]

Bob, I really did laugh when I saw that I've posted 364 times. Obviously, you are the master!

*hugs*
E

[Bob723]

Hi Eirinn,

Thank you for the post in my thread. I did reply there.

You'll catch up with the number of posts. LOL You check in on so many people...you have become one of the most supportive folks on this forum.

How is your day?

*Hugs*

Bob

[Elly4]

My day has been better today. I'm trying really hard to stay in the moment and not stress about the future.

And I'm totally turning red at your compliment. I like helping people if I can.

*Hugs*
E

[V2pt0]

That is great, E. Yes, one day at a time helps me too.

Just curious about the atmosphere in your home. Have you done anything to create a more warm home environment or is it still pretty tense? One of the comments my H keeps making is about the awkwardness, nervous energy, etc. Sometimes he feels fine, but others it is not comfortable. I validated this, but I am also thinking your choices are what is helping contribute to how things are. Given what is going on, it will actually take work on both ends to improve home life. For the most part I try and have warm greeting, but sometimes I am more detached. It is not as awkward for me because I actually want to be here.

[Elly4]

Hi BW! Thanks for asking.

The atmosphere in the house has been for the most part good. He goes through periods, but mostly I feel like if anyone came to visit they wouldn't be able to tell what was going on. Tonight was a fun relaxed night with our S. I work hard to keep my PMA and make myself be the confident person I was when we first met.

There have been so many small signs that he's coming back to me, but still no R talk or indication from him that he's changed his mind. He is such an avoider of negative situations that I sometimes feel like he's relieved I'm not making a fuss and that way we can be friends until he's ready to leave our house.

[Elly4]

So, I had an interview last week and was offered the job yesterday. It is an amazing place, but my last position just opened up again. So I had to decide between a school I've been at since 1997 or a new school that is heading in an exciting direction. One a safe choice, and one a scary but interesting choice.

I waited a day...and took the new job. I'm scared beyond belief, but I think I made the right choice for me. It's yet another change for me, but in all honesty, so would have been my old school as it has changed since I left 4 years ago.

Just wish there was a button that tells you if you make a right decision. Wouldn't that be nice?

I also have the fear that once I get my first paycheck in September, my H will leave.