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asitis #2581482 06/24/15 11:23 AM
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Mighty Offline OP
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Thanks, asitis! Luckily I am well versed in boundary setting, thanks to xh. And everyone else seems like a cake walk compared to him!

Mighty #2581538 06/24/15 03:06 PM
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Mighty

Nice going setting dude straight ... yeah he is definately trying to push himself in. Some guys are like that .. maybe it works for them, seems your fella has a few drinks to courage up ... I did like how you recognize your own vulnerability and the fact he might exploit that ... thats amazing self awareness.

You touched on the kids. Back .. 7 months ago or so ... I had dropped rope and a long time friend of mine who has been divorced a few years contacted me out of no-where. Evidently she got wind of my situation, there was always that flirt vibe between us. Anyways she invited me over, her kids were there and I never really thought much of it as .. I was just there hanging out .. not looking to pursue ANY R ... after some wine my "uh oh radar" went off and realized she had other thoughts. She pressed that we all do something the following weekend, her I and ALL the kids ... I, like you, put the hammer down and was very clear I would not do that to me S, he seen W basically create a new family after she left ours in a matter of months ... no way would I throw that curve ball at him .. I am his rock and his needs outweighed mine (Besides not being interested really helped)

So I truly respect you and what you did, very proud of you and how you are handling things and carrying yourself Mighty .. keep going you are going to be more than fine.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



CaliGuy #2582690 06/28/15 12:05 AM
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Thanks, Cali. Yeah, when the kids are involved... Homie don't play that. Thanks for the support; I really appreciate it. It felt good to protect myself... and my kids!

OK, so busy, busy week! Lots going on. Just going to post about today's events. I'm beat! It's amazing what a toll emotions can take on you.

First, it was s18's graduation! Whoop whoop! He made it!

I have been a little on edge about where xh fits in all this... but have really kept it at bay, for the most part.

The graduation, itself, was like 40 minutes away at an amphitheater. It is a fairly large class, and that's where they can fit everyone.

S18 and I had one last conversation the other day about giving his dad a ticked. He refused. I hate talking about it... I feel like I am in such an uncomfortable position. Everyone gets 5. I had a feeling tho, since I haven't heard from xh about it in over a month, he had found a way to get one. Especially after Wal-Gate, I knew he wouldn't reach out to me again. I just hate this.

Anyway, its like a monsoon here! Non-stop downpour. Although the ceremony was covered, the long walk was mess. But, it's all good.

After the ceremony, I found s18, and we were headed out with d14... into the monsoon. Not too far out the door, xh and bil (next door) were right there and rushed all up on s18.

The entire amphitheater was filtering out into the rain. It was wet, crowded, and.... whoa... it became very uncomfortable. It seemed like chaos! Like in a movie or something. You couldn't even digest what was happening!

Xh was there in a flash. It was so unexpected to seem him approach like that. He got all up on s18... grabby and pushy! Then he put his arm around his shoulder and was trying to pull him aside. We continued to walk briskly through the crowd and rain... with umbrella colliding everywhere. XBil was going in every direction.. d14 didn't know which way to go... but s18 pressed on... as did I. Within the first few seconds, when xh put his arm around s18 tightly, he looked right over at me, who was on the other side of s18. He made direct eye contact, but... not turning his entire face.. It was a full-intent look, but a side-eye. He held it for a few seconds.

I can't even tell you the look. I just don't even know, but there was some serious intent in it. The best guess I can think was, "F U, I got a ticket." But, honestly, I just don't know. But, there was some sort of distinctive purpose... I just don't know what.

He continued to press on s18. S18 handled it so well. He just kept forward and kept calm. He just told him no. No, he was not going to talk to him. Xh started talking condescendingly to him, but still tried to get him to... well... I'm not sure. XBIL stepped in a little... in the mess, and said congrats to s18. S18, turned, acknowledge him, shook his hand, and thanked him.

Xh then tried to give s18 a card. He said no thank you. Xh was pushy and said, "What, you don't want it?!" S18 said, "No, I'm good." Xbil gave him one and s18 accepted and thanked him.

At that point, I was a few steps ahead, hiding under my umbrella. Then I heard xh tell d14 to "come here" I could hear her say a few words, nicely, but we all pressed on.

This time, we were out in the parking lot, heading in a separate direction.

We made it to the car. It was heavy. S18 was upset. It's hard to explain. But almost like being involved in an accident or something. Like, it's out of your control, you are trying to stay safe, it's all happening so fast, there is chaos around you.. but... it's upsetting. And when you get to safety, you feel... heavy, upset, and trying to recollect yourself.

S18 said, "Man. He ruined my vibe!" It was quiet in the car. Everyone could feel the tension. I started pulling out, and guess who I pulled right up on?! Yup, walking right along where we were trying to get out.

Xh walked right up to my car to s18's window and knocked on it. He and xbil were laughing. XH got right down into the window and gave him a thumbs up and said, "Good job!" and laughed then stared to walk away. He flashed the peace sign, he looked through the front and gave a evil smile and continued to flash peace. (That's what I always did... but smiling and nice! I notice he has been doing things I have done in the past)

All I can say, is that when he came up to the car... it was evil! It seemed so mean! There were no good intentions. I don't know, maybe I am misreading, but... I did not feel good at all.

I didn't feel too much when he came by me. Felt a little more like when I'd see him in the fall. I could just feel the tension... and... anger.

I didn't say a word. I didn't give expressions. I didn't turn away. I did continue on when s18 took a moment to see xbil, but I gave him nothing.

After, we meet up with my oldest brother and his family and my parents. We had a nice dinner with lots of laughs.

Just weird, you guys. On a whole different level.

Mighty #2582694 06/28/15 12:13 AM
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Oh, and since he picked up xbil next door, he must have seen that I bought s18 a car. Don't know what he thinks about that. I'm sure he has opinions and assumptions. Don't know... but it is a big deal for s18. Another one he has no part of or knowledge of. It's sad we got here.

Mighty #2582697 06/28/15 12:17 AM
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I'm so sorry that happened on his graduation. I'm glad you managed to have a nice dinner after.

Wow. He is one messed up guy with not a clue why his kids don't want him in their lives.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2582700 06/28/15 12:40 AM
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Mighty,

This is sorta weird. I've been reading this book where you take uncomfortable feelings you experience in the now and you try to trace them back to some situation or experience you had in childhood.

In my case... extreme anxiety-filled procrastination/avoidance. Anyway, I've been reading this book this evening and trying to get all accepting of myself and understand why I do the things I do.

I take a break and jump on the boards and read your sitch.

I was suddenly filled with memories of my own graduation. I didn't give my dad a ticket. He had left my mom when I was 14, but we hadn't mended fences by the time I graduated and I had 3-4 really difficult years after he left... my mom remarried an abusive stepdad, had to switch schools, left our home, my dad remarried the "secretary" shortly after the divorce was final, etc... I didn't feel comfortable giving my dad a ticket. I was hassled a lot about this decision. I look back now and I completely get why I didn't want him there. His actions created a bunch of chaos in my life. I caved to the pressure and gave him a ticket in the end.

Anyway. My point. I'm 46 and still haunted by some of these events. I'm very hard on myself. I wish to he!! someone had said, "I get it. I get why you feel the way you do and it's OK. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling a certain way. You just feel how you feel and it's all good."

That episode in the parking lot had to leave a serious imprint on your son. It's bad enough he had his high school career jostled by his dad's insanity, but to have graduation tainted like that too?? What a d-bag.

I know you are an amazing mom and will handle the situation with all your mighty-ness. Just thought my hindsight, from sorta being in the position myself once, might help.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2582702 06/28/15 12:45 AM
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Whoa, Heather. That is VERY interesting. Hmmmm... what a coincidence you were just reading that, too. Thank you for sharing. I am so glad we had a great time at dinner after. My brother even got the waitress to play a prank on my son. It was so funny, and s18 love it. My family is a bunch of jokesters!

Mighty #2582705 06/28/15 12:52 AM
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And honestly, Heather... he may have been laughing it up, but it was such an awkward situation. Laughing with his brother... anger towards s18 and me. I don't think he knows what else to do! It cant be the best feeling when your own son does not want to acknowledge you on his graduation.

My fault.

I can handle that. I can keep it moving. Blaming me is not going to change anything. And I no loner let it bear any burden on me.

It's really just sad. S18 was pretty grumpy this morning. I think he was feeling it prior.

Mighty #2582713 06/28/15 01:25 AM
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Look at how awesome it is that you and the kids went out and had fun after that episode! That's so amazing.

What a wonderful gift to give your kids.

And, I'm with ya sista. Can't feel good to be in ol' d-bag's shoes tonight. No matter how you spin the truth, it's still the truth and it's gotta sting like a mo fo.

Much love to you. YOU helped S18 graduate through this quagmire of B.S. You guys did it. I remember feeling so overwhelmed with emotion that we survived and Cal graduated!!

That is no small achievement. Celebrate it and leave d-bags antics in the dust.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2582750 06/28/15 08:04 AM
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Oh Mighty, he is still sticking to his MLC script, and itis all about him being right. Nothing else matters but pretending that.

They do screw things up for their kids, but they don't get it.

Down the line you will be able to laugh at the awfulness, but at the time it hurts, because of who he was and what you had.

If they just could go away and leave us to get on withour lives, it would be a blessing by comparison.

You are an amazing woman, and your kids are so lucky to have you.

I agree 100% with Heather

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