h2++

[Zues126]

Thanks for the support Toots. I'm trying to spew here so I can do just that. Some of my goals are to remain:

1. Focused on the best interest of the children. It may pain me that what's best for them is hard for me at times, but this is my chance to show them how deeply I love them.
2. Relaxed. I'm not going to allow things to get escalated.
3. Trusting. It's easy for me to assume STBX is being manipulative or strategic and that she will be unreasonable, but it would be wrong for me to be the one to break down conversation by being distrustful. I will give her the opportunity to demonstrate goodwill, and I won't allow the first sign of conflict to trigger me into an accusatory tone.
4. Reasonable and open-minded. Nothing is off the table as long as the children are provided for and the entire family can continue forward.

So, Focused/Relaxed/Trusting/Reasonable. FRTR. How can I forget that

Thanks all. I'll let you know how it goes!

[Cadet]

Divorce is wrong. Mediation is wrong. This is wrong. This is a crime of the highest order. I am against my will being forced into a process that is dismantling my family.

I appreciate the mediators and lawyers that are trying to make this civil and minimize the damage, but it's hard not to resent them as their very existence endorses this path.

I agree and if I was able I would put a link in for a place that MWD endorses that is for divorcereform.
They have a lot of good articles on the subject and I personally support their efforts!

[Bob723]

Hey Bob. Been a hard few days.

My two thoughts of the day. First, I am sad at times but not depressed. It's situational, because this stuff is hard, hard stuff. It's not depression because I don't think I AM a problem, I am just dealing with a problem. For me that's a big step, because I used to be depressed, now I'm doing better and just dealing with a lot. Second, I remember that I'm not sad simply due to the divorce. Sure, that's still difficult for me. But that's life. If I was in my M I would be frustrated as hell with STBX, dealing with resentments and hurts, and other pain from our M. It's so easy to think that if we were still M it would somehow all be better, but that's not life. It helps me to remember that busting the D or not is not a contest of whether I'll be eternally fulfilled or eternally lonely and heartbroken. It's a big deal, but in some ways it's really not a big deal. It's just life.

Hey Zues,

I'm finally getting back to you after a few days. I understand 100%...none of this &%@$ is easy. I really can relate to all in your response to me, especially the paragraph I quoted above. I have all those same feelings. You wrapped it up in one paragraph.

But, who knows what tomorrow will bring? Try to (somehow) keep a PMA.

You're in my thoughts and prayers quite often. You help so many others' here and for that I, and I'm sure others, are so grateful to you!

Your friend,

Bob

[Fogg]

So, Focused/Relaxed/Trusting/Reasonable. FRTR. How can I forget that

Thanks all. I'll let you know how it goes!

Seems you got a plan and are going in mentally prepared.

Good luck Zues, you got this!

[Wonka]

Zeus,

I am sorry for your pain with the D and mediation process.

Divorce is wrong. Mediation is wrong. This is wrong. This is a crime of the highest order. I am against my will being forced into a process that is dismantling my family.

arching eyebrows here

Do you really believe this?

There are horrific crimes happening all over the world every day that will scare the bejesus out of any rational person.

-Albinos are targeted in African nations specifically for their body parts for "magical powers" in their medicine. Their arms and legs get chopped off with an axe.

-Indian girls and women are raped almost on a daily basis in India just "because" men fear them gettting an education or seeking betterment

-Sex trafficking of children is a large global business

-Africian girls and women are forced to be gentially mutilated because men "fear" their natural sexual desires (a sharp razor blade is used without any anesthesia)

Need I say more here?

Perspective please...


You still have a life. You still have your health. You still have your body.

[PigPen]

Thinking about you Z. Hope it went well today.

PP

[Zues126]

Zeus,

I am sorry for your pain with the D and mediation process.

Divorce is wrong. Mediation is wrong. This is wrong. This is a crime of the highest order. I am against my will being forced into a process that is dismantling my family.

arching eyebrows here



Do you really believe this?

There are horrific crimes happening all over the world every day that will scare the bejesus out of any rational person.

-Albinos are targeted in African nations specifically for their body parts for "magical powers" in their medicine. Their arms and legs get chopped off with an axe.

-Indian girls and women are raped almost on a daily basis in India just "because" men fear them gettting an education or seeking betterment

-Sex trafficking of children is a large global business

-Africian girls and women are forced to be gentially mutilated because men "fear" their natural sexual desires (a sharp razor blade is used without any anesthesia)

Need I say more here?

Perspective please...


You still have a life. You still have your health. You still have your body.

To me the social movement to accept as an everyday occurrence choices that destroy families and lifelong partnerships, the most valuable, important, and rewarding journey we are here to pursue, is the most horrible development in a culture that has made strides on nearly every other social front. I think the cumulative pain and suffering caused by the repeated severance of family households and the loss of loyalty and commitment as we seek selfish gratification is overwhelming and unnecessary, and is minimized by a population that has been lead to believe that it's a progressive movement to pursue personal freedoms at the expense of a higher purpose.

Now, how I find peace in a world that is different than I wished it were or expected it to be...that is a different story. Denying reality, harboring resentment or judgment, none of that helps me appreciate the life I've been given. If your intent was to remind me to be appreciative I'm on the same page. But debating how the divorce epidemic ranks among other atrocities doesn't minimize how I feel on this topic.

[Zues126]

Thinking about you Z. Hope it went well today.

PP

Thanks all. It went well in terms of making progress towards a resolution that won't leave anyone destitute and will minimize the impact to the children. For that I am grateful.

I've been through the recap with both my mother and father and at this point I'm a bit spent. I can maybe speak of it more tomorrow or at a later date. Right now it just looks like what kind of a bow-tie you put on a pile of crap. But this too shall pass.

[Pyrite]

take your time Z. I was flatforweeas after mediation. Keep in mind though that there is never an "end". Anything could happen yet. I have told you before about two guys I know that "inherited" full custody other kids when they got a bit older because they couldn't handle their mother's (both WWs) behaviour. I have a close friend who was left with visitation rights only. Two years later he had full custody. Another, the W had full custody, now he is fighting for 60/40 and it looks like he is about get it (although in his case he shouldn't, he is an idiot, and his motives are severely misplaced).

whatever the bow-tied crap is, it is the deal for now. how long that lasts - who knows.

Take care

[Pyrite]

I can't remember the details, but true story. There was a monk imprisoned in China for many years (i think decades). He somehow got out and fled to Dharmsala in India whee he met with the Dalai Lama. He was tortured and abused in prison. The Dalai Lama asked him what was his worst experience. His reply - "I was afraid that I would lose compassion for my jailers".

I cant add to that