OMG...I had to have a crash course on the "rubbing a man's thigh" thing with a transgendered man who tutored me!
Originally Posted By: Bob723
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Zeus,
Originally Posted By: Zeus
If someone broke into my home and attacked my kids, yes, I could kill. If I was on a desert island with another woman and 10 years went by, yes, I might break my marital vows.
Do you really believe this?? 10 years on an island with a woman WITHOUT any action??!!! skeptical eyebrow raise
All it takes is for a woman to rub your upper thigh...and you'll melt like Frosty on, well, a desert island.
Z, I'm with Wonka on this one. LOL
Wonka, you have quite a way with words. (a gigantic smile on my face)
Hang in there Zues!
Bob
I didn't understand how men can go all agog over a woman rubbing their upper thigh. I've done it a few times with some good male work colleagues (straight)--more like pats on thigh and I thought their reactions were a bit odd.
That was until a transgendered man pulled me aside and explained how it felt from his POV. Ahhhh...light bulb moment!
Suffice to say, I've stopped that altogether with men. Full STOP.
I read this week that it isn't important whether beliefs are right or wrong, it's important whether they're useful or not.
My belief that I will never waiver from my vows has been useful in that I never did. We've established no one can win a debate of what I might do someday in the future. But I don't think my commitments and conviction to being faithful is a negative thing. And thinking of my commitment as circumstantial just seems to lead down a road of justifying destructive behavior.
On the other hand, if that carries with it judgment and resentment for others that's not healthy. I think the rash of people telling me I too would break my vows is really trying to say that seeing ourselves and others as all flawed and vulnerable is useful in the sense of finding compassion and forgiveness for our WAS's, which in the end is healthy for ourselves.
Is it possible to benefit from the first belief, while benefiting from the conflicting second outlook? I don't see why not.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
This is good stuff Zeus. I am struggling with a bit of a "superiority complex" regarding my sitch, too. It's not serving me very well. Betsey, I think, has written about letting go of "righteous anger". Maybe I am "right" on this thing, but I know I made lots of other mistakes.
Anyway, the fact that you are willing to rethink your stance and see things in a new way speaks so highly of your growth. Well done!
Z - i know what you mean about getting tired. it feels like we have to live actively as your DB coach says - all the time - and it is draining. I remember back to the M, and although I am the same person, I am not at all. If I had've spent even a fraction of the energy I do now on "actively" living, things would be different now I am sure.
I am skeptical that I ever will live "comfortably" again. I am even scared of it. I am confident though that we will find a balance.
Thinking back, 3 years ago I could've engaged an A. I absolutely didn't even consider it at the time. But in hindsight, the offer was there. Sort of like my baby screamed for hours, but I never even contemplated shaking her, I held her closer and tried harder. In agreement with Fogg though - there was never an obvious line that they crossed. Circumstances being what they were at the time, things just worked out this way. So maybe we can't divide people into two camps so easily as those that would and those that wouldn't.
That said ^^^, back in January I found emails sent in October to my W at work. On his part they were obviously flirtatious. Now my W might have genuinely not seen this (given her Aspergers like interpretation of social interaction discussed on my thread) - so it is, and it is now anyway irrelevant. But the other week when we had that discussion before the airport I said to her - "When you reach that point where a colleague is obviously flirting, however flattered you are, that is the point when you should be mature and sensible enough to say I am a M woman with children."
I get bombed with inspirational posters on FB. I read one today that was quit good:
"I never lose. I either win or I learn."
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I read this week that it isn't important whether beliefs are right or wrong, it's important whether they're useful or not.
My belief that I will never waiver from my vows has been useful in that I never did. We've established no one can win a debate of what I might do someday in the future. But I don't think my commitments and conviction to being faithful is a negative thing. And thinking of my commitment as circumstantial just seems to lead down a road of justifying destructive behavior.
On the other hand, if that carries with it judgment and resentment for others that's not healthy. I think the rash of people telling me I too would break my vows is really trying to say that seeing ourselves and others as all flawed and vulnerable is useful in the sense of finding compassion and forgiveness for our WAS's, which in the end is healthy for ourselves.
Is it possible to benefit from the first belief, while benefiting from the conflicting second outlook? I don't see why not.
The bolded disheartens me, and is a part of why I ceased activity here on this forum.
Stand firm in your convictions. Be the man you are called to be and disregard anyone telling you anything different.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Patient man- yes, I was channeling a few good men. Great dialogue in that movie.
As for standing firm, you know, I appreciate you saying that. I was going to joke about saying "I'm standing firm on the fact that the man I want to be doesn't stay firm so I'll just disregard your feedback", but the humor doesn't always come across so I'll just say I appreciate it. I do have a hard time. I am a nice guy and don't like conflict, and I want to find common ground with others. I really thought that was what I was doing, agreeing to what I could without picking a fight that didn't matter, but I DEFINITELY see your point and wrestled with my reply.
The good news is these forums give us a chance to practice our interpersonal relationships and get feedback on our tone and outlook at the same time. My DB coach just yesterday told me to "represent myself" in a couple of situations. It's not easy, but it's a journey.
Py- H2 is a square on the chessboard, usually the wing pawn in front of black's castled king. If you search 'Chessnetwork bullet' on youtube you can watch him play and commentate bullet chess, which is 60 second speed chess. It's EPIC. I've watched hundreds of hours over the years and have learned a lot and had a ton of fun. But one time he won several games in a row by delivering checkmate on H2, and he was shouting "H2, you gotta watch out for H2". Then he said he should make a T-shirt that just said "H2" on it to see who caught the reference.
I'm a game geek at heart. I love them. All of them. Pool. Chess. Poker. Cribbage. Backgammon. You name it, I love it. I am a 'nice guy', super soft and sensitive, and I take all of my hurts and pains, and then when I play a game I turn into the incredible hulk and want to crush souls until my opponent can't even walk down the game aisle at Target without having PTSD flashbacks. Hey, I'm a work in progress...
Last edited by Zues126; 06/25/1505:17 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
As for standing firm, you know, I appreciate you saying that.
Good. I don't think Paul joked much about standing firm either, as it is a phrase he often used in his letters, so maybe you should think about that.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
