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rd500 #2582257 06/26/15 05:53 AM
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Hi Bob, thanks for your kind thoughts, and Cali for the insight - very interesting. RD, thanks for your 0.2 as well. I just wanted to clarify that I don't intend filing for D, and have told H this. Although I put it as a 3rd choice above - it isn't really a choice for me just now. I don't want our M to end and therefore I don't want to file.

That said, I can feel a shift in me and I seem to have lost the fear of D. Instead of resisting it, I can feel some acceptance and surrender. I just seems as though that is where we are headed and that's how it is. Is there more I could do/have done? I guess there may be. But I feel I can live with my choices, which is the main thing.

I'm volunteering at the bookstore today, and then need to get myself organised with supplies for a calligraphy workshop tomorrow. We are doing papercut letters....never tried that before! Then I'm mum-sitting later on this afternoon. Have a good day all xx

Last edited by Toots; 06/26/15 05:53 AM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2582315 06/26/15 02:09 PM
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Hi Toots.

To my read I think your taking the sensible approach. Get a good deal on the finances and be non obstructive on the D.

He may or may not recognise his idiocy one day but this way you can move forward sensibly. And as Cali/cadet say sometimes its only when we properly move on do they properly realise what they've lost.

So overall situation - what does second best look like to you?


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
jim0987 #2582427 06/26/15 06:24 PM
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Hello Dear Toots,

A friend passed this along to me today. I found it encouraging and wanted to share it with you:

Faith…Trust…Hope…Confidence…Love…Attitude

{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain,
on the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.

That's FAITH

{2}
When you throw a baby in the air,
she laughs because she knows you will catch her.

That's TRUST

{3}
Every night we go to bed,
without any assurance of being alive the next morning
but still we set the alarms to wake up.

That's HOPE

{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.

That's CONFIDENCE

{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.

That's LOVE

{6}
On an old lady's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old....
I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'

That's ATTITUDE

Have a happy day,

Live your life like the six stories above!


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob723 #2582483 06/26/15 08:50 PM
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Thanks Jim - always happy to have your seal of approval! After an emotional start to the week, I do feel more settled now. I feel I stood up for myself financially and held on to my wishes and preferences, though I respect H will do what he will.

I seem to recall H filed in his first M too - although it was more of an 'agreement' after 2 years S. He may struggle with the fact that he would have brought both M's to an end. He hasn't responded to me yet, but that's fine. I'm just moving forward.

Been in touch with SS today. It's his B'day and I sent a parcel up for him. He was very pleased & we've had various texts during the day. He says he loves me and can't wait to give me a big hug - bless him. He's a sweet lad - though he's fifteen now and almost six feet tall! Heard from his Mum too. It's good to be able to keep in touch with them...

Bob, thanks for posting too - that is indeed a lovely way to live....Have a good weekend all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2582586 06/27/15 10:40 AM
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Toots,

I believe you are making the right decision. If you filed for the D it would be taking responsibility for his decisions. Let him keep ownership of them and deal with it. Don't give him a free ride. Unless you are in a hurry what do you care how long it takes.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
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Looks good to me Toots.

Now I am following Jim and agreeing.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2582775 06/28/15 01:29 PM
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Hi Toots, how are you today? Hope you are able to find some 'time for your happiness' in all of this.


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Zephyr #2583012 06/29/15 01:25 PM
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Just stopping by to see how things are going in Tootsland....


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
gan #2583190 06/29/15 08:16 PM
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So, H emailed me today. He said:

He doesn't want a financial settlement which isn't linked to a divorce.
It just doesn't make sense for him.
He's scared about spending all his money on his L (she quoted Ł30k to handle D shocked )
He'll need to find more suitable accommodation for SS and him at some point
Also he wants to start resolving things in his life.
He hopes I can understand and is sorry.

He will talk to his L about filing and discuss & agree grounds with me.
He'll take a week or so to get the paperwork done
He's sorry to be slow, but there's so much to do.
He should have done this when he was out of work...

He hopes I'm well.
SS says my flat is very nice & he hopes the cat is settled now.

I replied later today:
Thanked him for confirming.
Told him I'm so sad we didn't manage to make things work.
Told him I love him and truly wish him well.
Said that I'll start thinking about grounds and come back to him.

So, sadly it looks as though D papers are on the way for me. I'm sad but also I feel at peace and I can accept the situation. I'm glad not to be filing myself, and I'll keep DBing. Thanks for dropping by LT, V, Zephyr and Gan.. smile


Last edited by Toots; 06/29/15 08:18 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2583200 06/29/15 08:29 PM
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I'm so sorry, Toots, I know that this isn't what you wanted. But that last paragraph up there ^^^ is pretty great to read. Strength, balance, grace indeed!


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
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