Welcome to the MLC Forum! Like all of the Forums, we, too, have a great group of people posting here. We have posters in all stages of recovering and healing from their spouses snorting the pixie dust from La La Land.
So, fasten your seat belt because it will be a rollercoaster ride of emotions that will take you up and down and all around...but we will be here to help you along the way.
However, the most important things to do are: 1) take care of yourself; 2) keep the focus on you and your family; and 3) make sure your financial stuff is taken care of, i.e., bank accounts, credit cards, utilizes, etc. You will learn very quickly that you can't rely on your spouse for anything. The only reliable person is yourself.
Please feel free to ask questions, vent, journal, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Job, thanks for the welcome, and reminder of the most important things to focus on. I have been on the forum for a little while, and have come quite a way already I think.
In terms of taking care of myself, I left our marital home at BD and moved in with my parents for a while. H had disclosed his A and wanted to continue it. TBH, I fled in trauma - left my home, my job - and a whole way of life really. Many people might have stayed put, but I just couldn't do that.
Since then, I have 'clawed' my way up and I have a new job and a rental flat. I have built a life here - joined a book group, calligraphy group, yoga class, aerobics class. I volunteer at a bookstore, and have just joined a fundraising group. I went for IC for a while, I'm trying to set up an infidelity support group, signed up for a D support group. I joined a women's social group and have made new friends, reconnected with old friends too. I make a point of accepting invitations when people are kind enough to extend them - I try to 'dare greatly.' I read and meditate too...
As we don't have children together, there is just me to focus on. But SS14 and I have kept in touch. HXW and I have always been on friendly terms, and she has been kind enough to reach out since we S. She and SS call me his 'other mum' and say I am 'stuck with them' now, whatever happens. I feel blessed and grateful for this.
We both want to sell the MH. My L said only to do this as part of full financial settlement, so that is what I am working towards. H said if we do this, he thinks we should D. I told him D isn't what I want, but I respect his choice...Our L's have just made contact this week.
Helping my Dad with some stuff today, then theatre trip with new friend tonight. Coffee with another new friend tomorrow and aerobics later. Have a good weekend all xx
Last edited by Toots; 06/13/1506:23 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
RD, thanks for dropping in. And Gan....you found me! Jim, I think the t shirts should be red please...
Not posted much. Lovely night out to theatre on Sat, then traumatic day Sun with Mum ill. had to call dr out & dad/me both upset. All much better now. It was a UTI & now on antibiotics. Feel tired today though. Working away today & tomorrow.
Jim, I completed the huge form E and gave all £ info to my L. She & H's L were hoping to speak last week. No update since then. My L will check my stuff ready for disclosure now. We are purely hoping to sort £ & sell house, but of course H may decide to file for D.
Other than all of that, Toots is just fine & dandy, & some nice social and holiday invites recently - all of which I'll accept xx
Last edited by Toots; 06/15/1506:40 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
RD, you are so right. I do mention D a lot, and it's a waste of mental energy really. Either it will happen or it won't and I guess I'll be okay either way. I had a good couple of days at work. I like my colleagues and we have some good laughs. Everyone's busy, but it's a pretty relaxed environment.
I confirmed my leave for late July, so I'm definitely off to visit with my good friend when she is on holiday in the north for a few days. Looking forward to that! Popped in to see Mum last night. She is looking much better, and I'm so relieved. She is frail now and any illness is a worry. Life is back to normal with them and she's off to day centre today.
NC with H for a couple weeks now. He started a new full time job with an hours+ commute, so I imagine he's pretty busy just now. It's SS birthday next week. He'll be 15, and I need to start thinking about a gift for him...
I'm feeling pretty positive about life in general. My GAL efforts have settled into a nice groove now, and I have made a couple of new girlfriends who are keen to do things, so I'm enjoying that. I do feel I've become more confident in recent months - more outward looking.
Have a great day all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Love it, Toots, and I think I am largely in the same place (see recent update). I'm very glad to read that things with your mum are ok. I imagine - given her frail state - that it much be quite scary when she has bad days. I dread the thought...
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
xx